Patti Stanger is the Millionaire Matchmaker in a reality show who finds love matches for millionaires. She has some important rules and guidelines for them as they meet and date their potential matches. My favorite is her continual admonition at the mixer parties she holds for the millionaires to “stop talking about yourself”. The most successful matches come for those millionaires who are willing to take an interest in the people in the room.
The same is true for leaders. It might sound quaint and old fashioned, but taking an interest in others is one of the most important things you can do. People want to know that you care about them, and taking an interest in them is one way to demonstrate that you believe they matter. When they feel that you care, they’ll reciprocate by being your collaborator and ally.
Even the most driven and goal oriented leaders can learn to take an interest in others in some seemingly simple (but hard to do) ways. The trick is to take the time to do so. Running into someone in the hallway, on a telephone call, or even in your community or neighborhood are some of the opportunities to take an interest in others. If you aren’t rushed and thinking about where you need to be next, you can learn a lot about yourself too.
So….
Slow down and pay attention to those around you. Notice that people are interesting and diverse, providing you with a lot of ways to learn more about them. The people you work with are more than automatons put there for the good of the organization; they have real lives. Take the time to find out more about them.
Listen to others. This means you need to stop talking and shut off the continual chatter in your brain about all the things you have to do that are more important than listening to them. Open up and be curious about other people.
Ask questions to learn more about others. They are interested in talking about themselves, and questions are a great way to encourage them. What are you inquisitive about? Ask respectful questions that show you want to know more.
Remember what you’ve heard and ask them about it next time. If they enjoy doing specific things at work or home, or their spouse is ill, ask them about these things with caring and all of your attention.
Lets face it. The best leaders take an interest in people, making them a top priority. Action, results, and success follow after that.
Mary Jo Asmus
I am a former executive in a Fortune 100 company. I have owned and operated an executive coaching firm since 2003 called Aspire Collaborative Services LLC. We partner with great leaders to help them become even greater at developing, improving, and sustaining relationships with the people who are essential to their success. This blog is for leaders and those who help them to be more intentional about relationships at work. My top personal values include respect for others, kindness, compassion, collaboration and gratitude. I work very hard at practicing my values daily and when I don’t succeed, I practice some more. I am married with two wonderful daughters and two spoiled pugs.