Someone asked me the other day if I ever coached clients who were (for lack of a better term) “bad bosses”. I told her that I occasionally worked with people that others may consider a “bad boss”. The person who asked, remembering all the “bad bosses” she’d had, wondered how I could possibly work with these people. An interesting question, that I’ve thought about over the years of doing this work.

These are the clients who don’t call a coach on their own – their manager calls. These are the clients who have developed bad habits around the way they treat others. Generally, I only take those clients on who will be given a chance to succeed. Their manager feels that they can and will make changes. When I interview the potential client, I hear them taking responsibility for their behavior (rather than blaming everyone else).

Sometimes, these clients have anger issues. Sometimes they micromanage. But in the end, if I take on a client like this, it is because I’ve had a glimpse of their humanity. When the door is closed, and it is just the two of us, they are not a “bad boss”. I can see that what has worked for them in the past is not longer working for them , and that the workplace is a tough place for them to make the changes on their own. Sometimes, I see their pain (and the workplace, lets face it, can be quite painful. A leader is often exposed and on display in such an environment, making it even harder to change behavior).

I open myself to seeing them as a person who wants to change but needs some support to do so. So in the end, they are just like you and I – they see a need to change and are willing to work hard to make it happen.

The lesson I’ve learned from this is (and you can too) is that leaders are human. Many “bad bosses” aren’t evil – they are simply human. They want to change just like you and I. My mother used to say, “they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else”, reminding me that someone I’d just complained about was human, too. What might be different if we could all recognize the humanity in each other in this way?