Try "Shut Up and Listen" Meetings
July 20th, 2009 | 
Author: I hope I’ll be forgiven if I re-post an earlier favorite from my column, slightly rewritten. Many of you have not seen it, I’m sure. An important blogging consultant (who shall remain nameless) told me re-posting this wasn’t cheating 
– MJA
Copyright Business Review West Michigan by Mary Jo Asmus. Used with permission.
Many leaders are terrible listeners. However, very few of them are self-aware enough to realize it.
Generally, the poor listening skills I see in one-on-one meetings with my executive clients is played out in the workplace, and it can have significant consequences. Poor listening can be a career killer for a leader.
A few days ago, I took a call from a mid-level leader in a large company who was interviewing me to be her executive coach. In a half-hour interview, she talked for 25 minutes and I talked for about five. I typically do a lot of listening in my work, so I don’t usually mind not talking. However, in this case she was supposed to be interviewing me. Also, she would ask a question and then cut me off by talking over me.
Based on that experience, I can predict that others will also have observed that she doesn’t listen well. Her employees and manager are frustrated about it and may even have told her about it, but she didn’t listen. If so, this is probably creating all kinds of problems for her. She isn’t hearing important information she requires to make the best decisions, develop the best relationships and lead others in a way that makes them feel engaged and motivated. Like many leaders, she may feel she needs to have all the answers and is quick to let everyone know about the vast amount of knowledge she has.
This person has the opportunity to be an incredible leader if she can change this bad habit of not listening. If she chooses to work with me, and if I’m right about her poor listening skills in the workplace, I may prescribe regular “shut up and listen” meetings for her — meetings where she will consciously and deliberately practice listening skills and dial down her talking skills. (Postscript: I didn’t get the work, but not surprising since I never really got interviewed by her).
If you suspect that you are a poor listener:
?€¢ Request feedback from others and/or hire an executive coach who can collect feedback for you. If you are highly self-aware, you may be able to observe and assess your own listening skills.
?€¢ If you are a poor listener, take action now to correct it. It may derail you later if you don’t.
?€¢ Become intentional about shut-up-and-listen meetings. These could be one-on-one meetings or larger meetings which you lead or participate in. Jot down a few open-ended questions before or during upcoming meetings to be used instead of talking throughout the meeting.Those questions will help you focus, listen without distraction and will keep the dialogue moving.
?€¢ Ask your questions, but then shut up and listen.Continue this practice. If you are purposeful about listening for a few months, it will become a new, ingrained behavior. And the results with your boss, your team and others around you will be nothing short of amazing.
Shut up and listen. So simple, so effective. Yet so hard to do.
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6 Responses to “Try "Shut Up and Listen" Meetings”
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Glad to see this new post, and glad, too, that you are drawing from your archives for all your new readers.
The idea of shut up and listen meetings is a great one, not only in business but also with friends and family. Wouldn't it be nice to go out with your spouse and purposefully "shut up and listen"?
Becky,
You have a good point. Perhaps leadership begins at home.
I've found that when clients develop some simple techniques for improving their professional lives, they "spill over" into their personal lives. "shutting up and listening" is a great example of that.
Another great post Mary Jo. Listening is a behavior, hence it can be learned, developed, and taught to others.
You mention, quite accurately, that some leaders feel they need to have all of the answers. Perhaps these leaders talk more than listen because they believe that if they talk long enough, eventually they'll come up with the solution they seek. To your point, they wouldn't have to work so hard if they spent more time in listening mode and so I think your idea of "Shut up and Listen" meetings is excellent.
It is a great challenge, I think, for an executive to attend a meeting with the intent of only asking questions, or re-stating remarks for clarity – but what a great exercise!!
Another thought provoking post! Thanks Mary Jo
Bret: thanks for reinforcing in a succinct way that listening can be learned and taught.
Gwyn: as a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator practitioner, I've also come to the realization that many of us extraverts definitely think out loud! However, there are limits and boundaries to how much others are willing to listen to us drone on with every thought in our heads.
I've had clients try varying degrees and methodologies of this "Shut Up and Listen" exercise. It can be quite powerful for them. Listening is terribly underrated as a key skill for leadership!
[...] Shut up: You really don’t need to fill every pause in conversation with your words. Allowing some silence to unfold also allows thought for everyone in the conversation (and thinking is good). Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first, but being conscious of pausing and allowing some quiet in the dialog will make it better and more creative. You’ll get over the discomfort. And I promise that if you wait long enough, someone will speak and the words that come out will be insightful. [...]