Last week, I had posted the story of anonymous, who had responded to the three part post I did on The Stories We Tell Ouselves. Her personal story of her struggles with self confidence touched many. It generated a lot of comments and questions, and it is a story that many of us have struggled with in silence. People wanted to know how she overcame the struggles, and where she is today in her journey. This courageous leader agreed to write a second guest post to respond to those questions.

Then…..

One day last summer, I went into our basement storage room to pull out an old box of dusty diaries and journals from my childhood and teen years.

I was looking for clues to the source of the struggles I was having in my life and relationships, struggles that began with my own self esteem and resulted in an inability to ask for what I needed from my spouse and others.

For years, I had ignored the inner voice ?€” and the voices of close friends ?€” that told me I needed help. After a series of particularly unsettling conflicts, I finally called a counselor. Together, we unpacked the current situation in light of past events.

The first step to changing my story included understanding why and where the story began.
My parents divorced when I was 7. After an ugly and volatile breakup and unsuccessful reconciliation attempt, my father moved from one coast to the other and disappeared from my life. In the many years of separation, I can count 5 visits, few phone calls.

My old journals are filled with variations on a theme: Why doesn`t my father love me? What is wrong with me? Incomprehensible to me at the time was the reality that his absence had nothing to do with me.

Thirty years later, those old doubts poisoned my current relationships and my confidence in building a new career. But the work I did with my counselor equipped me to change both my relationships and my work issues.

Now…..

Earlier this spring, I submitted a project ?€” some copy writing for a website ?€” convinced that I had done the work well. After a few days with no response, I started to panic. I checked my email obsessively, waiting for bad news. Finally, I decided to email my client. In response, he sent an email link of the work, already on the website. In a busy week, he had moved ahead with the project. My work: fine. The anxiety: energy misspent.

About six months later, I have moved out of that anxious place. I`ve completed more projects that I can count. I submit work and then move on to more work. I am free from that constant nagging worry that plagued me in the beginning.

The change has come with experience. In the past, I could accept words of encouragement and recognition for my accomplishments on an intellectual level. Emotionally, though, there was no connection. I might think that I had strengths and abilities to offer, but I didn`t feel it.

The future…..

I still live in that balance between knowing something intellectually and experiencing it emotionally, but I am much closer to where I want to be. I have set aside my old journals, set aside my old patterns of thought and behavior. I am moving forward every day and writing my new story as I go.

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