Telling A New Story
September 17th, 2009 | 
Author: The essay below was sent to me following the recent three-part posts on “The Stories We Tell Ourselves”. The author has requested to remain anonymous, but nonetheless she is a truly courageous leader, as you will see. Her story reflects a journey that many of us take – in silence. She has chosen to share it so that we may all be inspired to start our own new stories.
I`ve been telling myself a story for a long time. The story is about who I am, what I can do, and how I will never measure up to the talent of others.
In elementary school, walking home from the bus stop through the brown crunchy leaves, I listened to teasing from neighborhood friends about the unexpected “C” in Math that ended my string of straight As.
Sitting on a dusty school bus after a long day of creative writing camp, with my hair frizzy from the heat, and my T-shirt and back sticking to the plastic seat, I looked across the aisle at a friend. All day, I had admired her talent, the easy way she tied a string of words together into stories or poetry.
My story is the story of a high school valedictorian who still thinks the guidance counselor made a mistake with her calculations, a woman who thinks every award is a fluke and wonders when everyone will discover that she`s really nothing special.
It`s a story with a familiar refrain. I will never be as good as you. I`m not good enough. I don`t deserve your praise.
My habit of low self esteem and low self confidence is a roadblock to my growth. It is robbing me of the enjoyment of my past and present accomplishments. It causes me to second guess compliments, discounting the true encouragement contained in the kind words of friends.
The Beginning of a New Story
It almost sent me running from a new career opportunity. I responded to a friend`s search for writers by nonchalantly emailing: “Long time dream of mine to do some freelance writing.” Then, after he asked for a writing sample, I offered up a grocery list of all contacts I have who do work even remotely related to what he was looking for. Here`s my dream, I said, but surely all these others will meet your needs better.
My journey to a new career has shown me the need to tell myself a different story. The new story is a story of self confidence, taking risks. The woman in my new story is humble, but knows that she is talented, and when someone recognizes her hard work and appreciates it, she savors every word.
Posted in Uncategorized
13 Responses to “Telling A New Story”
Leave a Reply
View my complete profile
Great story, Mary Jo, thanks for sharing. I wonder if you will be able to follow up and have her share *how* she changed her story. What tools or resources did she tap into? What did she find most useful and least useful? What were the ups and downs of the change?
Keep up the good work! Bret
Great idea Bret. I will see what I can do!
I really enjoyed this read. I felt that it kind of reminded me of myself in high school, as I was always told I was smart by people but I never thought so. To be honest I still don't think so and like to believe that I just worked harder. The article states that in the lady's case, she knows that she is talented and savors when people appreciate her hard work, so she has come to accept two different qualities about her, whereas I`ve always had trouble accepting the talent part myself.
I think my question would be that at what point did she accept these traits, and did she accept them both at once? The article stated it was when she began a new career. This would lead me to believe that it was later in life. None the less I do feel that this is an inspirational story as it shows that we can change something negative about our personalities that we have conditioned ourselves with for all of our life. Thanks a lot for sharing this.
Great story. I love to hear about another person who is coming to terms with the idea that maybe they do have something of value to offer that nobody else has. In many ways, I think most people could relate to this woman's story. I'd like to read some updates later and see how things are coming for her.
Great post! I think that everyone has a time in their life that reassemblies this story, but it is difficult to admit it. Many put up a facade of self confidence because we are told hat it is a desirable trait, but the author is brave for admitting her feelings.
I would love to hear how the journey continues.
Great post! I think that everyone has a time in their life that reassemblies this story, but it is difficult to admit it. Many put up a facade of self confidence because we are told hat it is a desirable trait, but the author is brave for admitting her feelings.
I would love to hear how the journey continues.
Siraj, Jason and Kara – thanks for your insightful comments and we'll see if anonymous is willing to share her journey further.
Siraj, Jason and Kara – thanks for your insightful comments and we'll see if anonymous is willing to share her journey further.
That story about being an impostor about to get caught resonates with so many of us. But the deeper truth is not only about changing the story to a successful and humble woman…it is about changing the story BEHIND that one. The one that says you deserve the success, you are worthy of it. You are YOU! Alive, imperfect, at ease with yourself. What a great story to tell yourself as a bedtime tale! I know I need reminding of it many times in life. And I need it to inform my everyday actions, including accepting praise! Thanks for a touching and authentic story here and give my love to your anonymous contributor.
Amy (Anonymous) writes skillfully. I felt her low self-esteem. I felt her sadness. I felt her hope for a transformation.
The words, "I (Amy) will never measure up to the talent of others," rang in my ears. I believe those words define a powerful rule for Amy. Until she transforms it, the rule will continue to exert its gravity.
Change is always possible. I wish Amy my best for transforming her rule so the people who read her next story feel her joy rather than her sadness.
Monica,
I think affirmations (whether at bedtime or anytime) can help! Thanks for your uplifting comments.
Steve,
It is sad that her story is one that many of us have. It will be interesting to hear from her (soon, I hope) about how her new story is going.
Many of us were raised with low-to-no self-esteem. My sister got past it by standing in front of a mirror morning and night, staring at herself and stating out loud, "I am a worthwhile person."
I overcame it by rejecting my own opinion and relying on the opinions of those I respected. I realized that you can't believe and trust people on multiple subjects and also believe that they are all wrong on the same subject?€”you!
Eventually, their opinions sank in, although the old echos are still there if I'm silly enough to listen.
Stories like these always make me want to ask the question: "Why is holding on to the disbeliefs about ourselves easier than accepting our obvious greatness?" After reading some of the comments for this post, I see that most people (if not everyone) can empathize with the author. I find it interesting that the story seems to be a universal truth. Is there something about our society that allows this kind of mentality to thrive?
As for the second part of the story, I think it takes a great amount of self-reflection to reach this point. I also believe it takes constant effort to put it into practice. I really liked how the last few sentences asserted that self-confidence and humbleness can co-exist.