Stuck? Admit It and Ask For Help
April 19th, 2010 | 
Author: Last night my husband and I enjoyed watching the first episode of Mad Men. For those of you who don’t know, this series is set in the highly competitive world of Madison Avenue advertising in the early 60’s – run primarily by men (thus the title – “Mad” for Madison, and “Men” for….well, Men).
The lead character is Don Draper, in a predicament about a major cigarette account. He’s having a tough time finding a creative way to advertise smoking when the Attorney General has come out with an announcement that cigarettes are responsible for a fatal disease (called lung cancer). How do you advertise cigarettes and get the customer interested in purchasing something that can kill you? Don was stuck (but got lucky with an idea at the spur of the moment as the client was angrily walking out the door of the ad agency).
We American business leaders are a proud and independent people; we expect to be able to figure stuff out for ourselves. When we’re stuck, we believe in pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps, dusting ourselves off, and carrying on.
Sometimes though, a leader really gets stuck, and doesn’t see a way out. We all occasionally get into a spot where the path to unstuck-ness eludes us. We just can’t see that first step that is necessary to move beyond whatever barriers are in our way (p.s., sometimes the barrier is ourselves!). And we’re often too proud to ask for help.
There are several ways to find insight into that first step. Once you are willing to admit that the answers aren’t coming to you without help, consider the following:
Ask a “stakeholder”: who can you request some assistance from? Consider your mentor, your manager, your peer, your employee, your friend or your coach. How about a customer? Depending on the nature of your stuck-ness, one or more of these might be appropriate.
Find a support organization within your company: Human resources, the strategic planning department, organizational development, and IT are a few of the possible resources that might help with specific issues.
Take a time out: When you aren’t under the immediate pressure of time, it often helps to let things simmer. A time out, up to an including a real vacation away from the office (sans Blackberry!) can help many of us to come up with ideas that get us beyond stuck.
Every single one of these ideas requires us to admit that we don’t have all of the answers. All three of them require the assistance of others (even the third one requires others to fill in for us when we’re out of the office).
Many of us need the assistance of our own ongoing “board of directors” to help us think through things on a regular basis. I belong to two Mastermind groups – one with colleagues who do what I do, one with colleagues who do different things. They both serve a purpose, and I need them both to get unstuck at times.
So I’m curious. What’s worked for you to become unstuck?
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22 Responses to “Stuck? Admit It and Ask For Help”
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Mad Men is a GREAT series. I’ve watched them all through Netflix. Keep watching – he gets stuck a few more times. Wait until the episode where he goes into the office of the owner of the firm and admits a dark secret from his past. Equally as good was how the boss reacted.
Admitting that you are stuck and asking for help may even be the key to becoming unstuck. Once you take that step and approach the problem from a different perspective could be all you need. And if that fails then you are already available to receive help.
I am a firm believer in nobody knows it all. Some of us are just too proud to admit so. But you should definitely network throughout a company and know where to get the answers from. Get to know the specialists that you may need help from. I don’t always know the answer, but I know where I can get it in 5 mins or less. Very powerful to know who are the key players in each area of expertise. But also remember to return the favor to keep them on your good side.
Bret, thanks. I’m definitely hooked on Mad Men, and intend to watch the entire series. Its very well done.
Karla, thanks.
Eric, in some of the very large companies I work in, its not always easy to know where to get answers! I find it interesting though that leaders don’t even consider trying to find someone in their company to assist.
Noticing that while I’m willing to provide help to others, sometimes I’m reluctant to ask for help. This is often the case with the teams I work with, as well.
Nice piece Mary Jo! I have not seen Mad Men here in The Netherlands yet, but heard of it and with your post it once again confirms to be a great series.
Anyhow, what often works best to get unstuck for me is to step out of what you are doing. Do something simple as walking the dog, chat with a family member or colleague about something completely different, have dinner. Or even talk the issue where you are stuck over with someone not directly involved. These actions help me create different viewpoints often guiding into a direction that will resolve the issue where I am stuck.
This works for me now as a solo entrepreneur and worked for me in the past when working in large corporations.
I think in today’s world it’s important to solve solutions as quickly as possible. However, the challenge is to know when exactly help is required. Some of my best learning experiences have happened when I was stuck and desperate to solve a problem. I imagine most people learn by trial and error. I think the best way to go about this is to:
1. Know your abilities,
2. Know the time constraints you are facing and stay true to your deadline,
3. Know who your resources are in case you get stuck and know what their availabilities are; especially when there is a hard deadline,
4. Spend time to find a solution. Unfortunately, I know far too many people who will not bother to spend more than a couple of minutes to troubleshoot,
5. Ask for help if you’re still stuck. Stay with the subject experts who are helping you so that you can learn from them,
6. Document the procedure for future reference.
I have always believed in knowledge sharing. If I don’t know something or if I am stuck, I don’t mind admitting my failures and ask for help. I have noticed that humbleness can help us admit our mistakes but pride doesn’t.
Thanks for the post Mary Jo.
Peg, I fall into the same category! If we remember that people really want to help, perhaps next time we’ll ask!
Peter, thanks for the great additional suggestions.
Ali, Wow. I’m impressed by your great list. Thanks for sharing what has worked for you.
Samson, I think you are far and away beyond most of us in dealing with stuckness. If stuck were a 12-step program, you could teach it. Thanks for your comments.
I used to be a know it all! I used to get stuck all the time and couldn’t figure out how to get out. I was too stubborn! I have worked hard at the realization and attitude that I do not know anything and there is a lot out there I have no clue about. I am still nowhere near perfect but after being able to see my stubbornness and how it got in my way, I was able to get unstuck from situations. I always find a nice break allows me to approach a problem from a different angle. My breaks consist of sleep, fresh air, sun, and just plain relaxing!
I’ve found that asking the right people is the best way to help solve problems. In many cases the supervisor or manager has no idea of how to go about certain resolutions. Even people that are unrelated to your department may have some sort of outside perspective that you couldn’t see before. The best advice could actually come from the least likely candidate.
Kelsey, I like the idea or fresh air, sun, and relaxing to break through “stuck”. Do you also call on others to help?
Nathaniel, “the least likely candidate”….wonder who might that be?
Mary Jo,
Great blog! Being a collaborator by nature, I’ve found that calling others for help is the best thing to do when I’m stuck. We can’t know everything and people genuinuely like to help – especially if you are sincere and aren’t bugging them with every little question. If you start the conversation with “You do such a great job with X, I wondered if you could help me with….” people will always try to help.
The key is to call someone who is good at what they do. That’s why I call you!
Kevin, thanks. I enjoyed getting caught up with you today.
Good thoughts.
I have found that having mentors helps a lot in this area too. Mentors could be from industry organizations, your seniors, past employees, your peers, family and anybody else whose advice you respect.
Of course it is an entirely different skill set to know that you are stuck and need help.
Tushar, great suggestions. Do you think most people know when they are stuck?
You nail it—it’s not just asking for help or walking away, it’s the open attitude with which it’s done which makes the action worthwhile.
Jason, Yup. One of those simple-in-concept but tough to do sort of things, because it’s rooted in our beliefs and attitudes.
I learned long ago to put aside my “I can handle everything” attitude and accept help from others. For me, taking my “stuckness” to a confidant who will give me honest feedback and advice is what helps me the most.
Janna, you’re miles ahead of me! The “I can handle everything” attitude is pervasive, and I really think it’s unusal to be willing to ask. Thanks for sharing.
Mary Jo, When I got stuck last year I had to rely on my mentor and a friend to help me see what was happening. I was able to take a couple of months off and evaluate where my business was and what needed to be done to move forward. And yes, I was the barrier. Thanks fro a great post.
Unless you accept that you are stuck, you have no way to move forward; you will continue to follow the beaten track. There is so much of e-help available today that you can gather free advice. You only have to be inquisitive & analytic in getting the right input.
So many HR managers, for example, have approached me for a solution when stuck. I asked them to read about ‘EmpXtrack’& they got excited to know more. Obviously, if you are not shy of contacting the right person when stuck, you will always be guided appropriately. That is what ‘Steve Crenshaw’ has commented above.
Mary Jo Asmus has kindled the spark of curiosity to remove the bug of being stuck in life. Those who have read her article & the varying responses will never be stuck.