Stop Interrupting!

I am a habitual interrupter. Although I felt I’d made some changes, I became aware that I had much further to go on this goal during a meeting when I interrupted someone recently before she barely got a word out. She let me have it (deservedly so). After that, I started observing my communication to see if this was just a one-time mistake on my part. It wasn’t. It’s a nasty habit that continues to spoil my ability to be the best communicator and person that I can be.

I’m embarrassed about this, but there are no excuses and nobody to blame but myself. What matters is that I find a way to change. It’s rude to anyone I converse with and it isn’t a good example to set for my clients.

Interrupting others is one of those seemingly small things some of us do that can become a big thing in terms of the negative impact it has on our relationships with others. It’s a particularly bad habit for leaders who want to invite collaboration and dialog.

Today, I was at a meeting with the same group – all of them coaches. I publicly apologized to the person I interrupted and told the group that I wanted to develop a new “non-interrupting” habit. I asked for their ideas on where to start. For all of you leaders who interrupt others out there, the responses were so good I thought I’d share them with you and add a bit more of my own:

Notice the triggers: What triggers your urge to interrupt? Observe what sets you off. Look for the pattern(s) that cause this. Don’t judge, just become aware of what starts your unwelcome response. This can be the first step in making a change to your usual reaction.

Isolate the body sensation: Where does the response start in your body? This may seem an odd question, but different people will feel the impulse physically somewhere. This is another way to “catch” (notice) the reaction before it goes out your mouth.

Breathe: When you notice the impulse to interrupt, breathing deeply will slow you down to help you consider healthier ways of reacting – or not. Focus on the breath.

Let it out in another way: Many of my clients write down what they wanted to say rather than say it. Some say they fear losing the point they wanted to make or the question they wanted to ask. Writing it down may be one way of tricking your brain into thinking you had your say without interrupting someone.

….and my favorite:

Consider your positive intention: Instead of beating yourself up (like I did) for this bad habit, consider what your good intentions were for doing so. For instance, my “noble” intent for interrupting the person described above was to help her with a struggle she was having. So if it happens again, I can ask myself, “What would best help this person at this time?” – I’m pretty sure it won’t be interrupting their train of thought.

Happy (better) communication!

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