One of my favorite books on communication is Be Quiet Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion, by Susan and Peter Glaser. Check it out. It is honestly a huge leap ahead of a more popular book called Crucial Conversations and its close relative, Crucial Confrontations. I find “Be Quiet Be Heard” more engaging, better organized and the communication models used nothing short of phenomenal. For leaders who don’t work in the field of communication, this is a must have.

Anyway, something struck me last evening as I was re-reading the book (yes, it’s that good – well worth reading a second time). The way that the Glasers have framed behavioral change is simple and elegant. They speak of the need to persist through the four feeling stages of behavioral change: feeling phony, uncomfortable, comfortable and then natural. This is so much more postitive than “breaking a habit”, a term we often use. And it really is a model that many of us can relate to as we go through the process of making positive changes in our own behavior.

Where this model often comes into play with my clients is when they are working to change their leadership style from one that may be “overly directive”, or “command and control” to one that is more inviting, facilitative, and collaborative. It can be tough work to make these changes. However, knowing the process in emotional terms such as those that the Glasers’ have used may provide some measure of hope (“light at the end of the tunnel”) when the going gets tough.

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