Seeing the “And” in Others
July 19th, 2010 | 
Author: I recently spoke with an organizational leader (let’s call him John) who had stretched his thinking about someone who reported to him (we’ll call her Liz) in such a way that it provided great benefit to Liz, John and the company they worked for. Liz was not someone considered to have “leadership potential” before John took over the division they worked in.
John discovered that when he expanded his thinking to seeing something “more than met the eye” in Liz and invested some time in coaching her, the results were amazing and gratifying. With John’s help, Liz was able to change the behaviors that were holding her back and she has now had a well deserved and significant promotion in another part of the organization.
There is freedom in “and”
John was able to see the “and” in Liz that others didn’t see.
“And” allows us to see people holistically and encourages deeper workplace relationships. It also allows us to see that those we have rejected for traits judged as negative may be prime candidates for development. Seeing the “and” works to improve any/all workplace relationships that may be less than ideal; with peers, customers and managers.
How liberating it can be when we comprehend that the complex human beings that surround us in our workplace have the possibility to grow, develop and change! This frees us up to seeing what’s possible, helping that person to change, and deepening our relationships.
The potential found in “ands”
Is it possible for someone to be:
Quiet and a leader? Take notice of the quiet one. What leadership traits are hiding behind the silence you see? What is your role in surfacing them?
Aggressive and kind? Look beyond the aggressiveness that concerns you. Is it possible that when you open your heart, you may find a germ of kindness in that person that could blossom into empathy and great leadership?
Tactical and visionary? Give this person a chance; there may be a vision you can’t yet see. Can it be that when you believe that this person has an essence of vision, that you may help them to manifest it?
Risk averse and creative? Consider the barriers that might be inhibiting this person from unleashing their right brain. How can you help remove them and coax the creativity out?
Technically brilliant and collaborative? You may be making assumptions about this brilliant individual’s latent ability to connect to others. What can you do to help them to learn appropriate ways to interact?
Be open to some surprise in what’s possible in those around you. What relationships could use your attention? Who could benefit from your belief in “and” to realize their full potential?
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10 Responses to “Seeing the “And” in Others”
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Great post Mary Jo – offers a great perspective to look for the basic characteristics of a person + “and”.
One of the best advices I have received from one of my mentors when I started leading people was ,”Never give up on people”, and this approach only pushes you to think about possibilities within a person that can be nurtured.
Best,
Tanmay
I love the idea of finding freedom in the “and.” When we look beyond our initial or even persistent impressions of a person and their personal characteristics or ability to make a contribution to the organization, we are able to discover new strengths and new aspects of a person to appreciate. I will be looking for the “and” today. Thanks, MJ!
Tanmay, that must have been a very wonderful mentor. Great advice, thanks for sharing.
Becky, nice to see you comment here. I do think that we all tend to judge others and sometimes consider them to be one dimensional – and not always in the best way. I love your comment that we can discover new strengths in others to appreciate (or even sometimes “latent” abilities) and help develop for the greater good of our organizations!
I would love to hear about an “and” you discover today.
Wow, I love the phrase “seeing the ‘and’ in others”! This resonates with my desire to always look for strengths in a person. Since I work with technology execs, I constantly hear people promote the stereotype that technically brilliant people cannot lead. Using your language, is it possible for someone to be technically brilliant AND a leader? YES! Thanks, Mary Jo, for such thoughtful writing.
Caroline, thanks for stopping by and adding your thoughts and kind words. I love to hear from other coaches.
I really like this post, Mary Jo. I’ve found the same dynamic in my work. Interestingly enough I teach it as “yes and”. I have a similar posting a couple months ago. http://bobfaw.wordpress.com/2010/06/24/improvisational-leadership-positive-influence-for-everything/
Keep up the great blogging!
BTW, I’m going to put a link to this post on my blog as well.
Welcome Bob, I borrowed from “yes and” exercises to write this post, and I’ve used “yes and” in my executive coaching. Its fun and likely to produce the kind of experience your readers experienced! And thanks for the link.
What a great post. I love the way you’ve put it simply here: “seeing the ‘and’”.
A lot of life, particularly business, is reductionist in its orientation. If we can see things by the lowest common denominator we can understand them. Seeing the “and” challenges us to break that a little and to understand something of paradox too. Makes complexity and difference more okay somehow. The story of your client shows what’s possible from that place.
Thanks Christine. My clients get paid for their good judgment. But sometimes, they see people (as we all do) as one-dimensional, neglecting the part of others might be the very thing that makes them spectacular, and can be most helpful to the greater good of the organization. Seeing “and” can help.