Noticing the gifts of others
Lots of managers are hard wired to be highly critical. There’s a reason for that. They often view themselves as problem solvers who worked their way up from positions where they were successful at figuring out and fixing things. However, frustration comes in when they manage organizations and realize that they can’t fix people that they see as flawed and in need of fixing.
If you are one of those highly critical leaders, you might know what I mean by feedback you get from others. If you hear from your stakeholders that you meddle too much, or you are expecting perfection from them, or that they need more positive feedback from you – then it may be time for you to change.
It can be sad to see the good people around managers who are critical struggle to find the right ways to do things when the only thing that’s wrong is a manager who is a perfectionist. If you recognize yourself as one of those and see the damage you’re doing to your followers, see if you can notice and encourage the gifts of others by:
Staying open to others’ ways of being and doing. Recognize that all humans (including you) are flawed and that they are also gifted in some way. They make mistakes and they do things their way, not necessarily your way. Their world-view may be very different than your own. But there is something of value in everyone. Don’t let that critical voice in your head override their humanity and the good that they can bring to your organization.
Observing the good. When you are open and intentionally looking for what is good in someone, the chances are that you’ll see them in a new light. You might see some strengths, or some common ground that you can meet them on. If you feel yourself being overly critical of their flaws, remind yourself to stay open to their whole being, not just their flaws.
Gaining perspective by realizing that it might be impossible for anyone to meet your definition of perfection – including yourself. As you become more self-aware of your own flaws and dark sides, you also become more accepting of others. We’re all fighting the same struggle to be at our best in the world, and yet we still all fail often. We learn from failure and we learn by simply being our imperfect human selves.
Praising others in their failure and their courage to try their best. When you see what is good, notice it and let them know what you think, even when they fail. I’ll bet every one of your followers could use a few more good words from you than you are giving now. We receive all too little positive feedback in our world – and our organizations.
Save your criticisms for when they are really needed by choosing appropriately which battles to fight. Use more words of encouragement and praise by changing your thinking about yourself and what you view as your need to be critical in order for things to be “right”. Watch those who have been gifted by your new level of openness, goodness, perspective and praise, grow.
Continue reading here: The Coaching Mindset
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