It’s hard to believe that an activity as simple as “listening” can be so difficult to do. And to listen beyond the words – to listen at a meta level – is even more difficult. The best leaders I’ve known have intentionally cultivated the skill of listening beyond the words to:

Understand others: deep listening gets us out of our own way, and focuses our attention completely on the individual who is speaking and what they are expressing beyond the words.

Understand themselves: with meta listening comes personal wisdom – a powerful and sometimes unexpected side effect.

Develop relationships: We don’t often get listened to! When we truly listen to others, it becomes a memorable event that creates trust and binds relationships.

Invite inclusion and participation: listening has a kind of “pull” or invitation to it. If you are truly listening, you and the person you are listening to have become joined, in a way. The word “communication” has the same roots as “communion”, which means sharing.

The simple act of listening deeply tends to make wonderful leaders very wise, and those who are listened to happy. It is a form of “communion”, or sharing, that invites collaboration.

So what are the skills involved in deep listening?

1. Setting the intention: We must consciously choose to meta-listen. If we don’t, our unconscious will take us down the path of least resistance – and that path is entitled “hearing the words but not the meaning” or simply not listening at all.
2. Slowing down: Meta listening requires us to slow down, to find that still and silent place inside that will allow us to put ourselves aside and let another person in.
3. Suspend: One of the most difficult things for leaders to do is to “suspend” their own beliefs and judgments. Yet it is both a sign of respect for the individual who is speaking as well as a way to hear beyond the words that are being said.
4. Being Aware and Remaining Present: Awareness and presence seem like two sides of the same coin. And they allow us to truly focus on the speaker.

How about you? What else do you find that helps you to meta listen?

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