Comments on: Listening, Part II: What REALLY Gets in the Way?

By: MAPping Company Success

MAPping Company Success — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 08:21:08 +0000

[...] is an important skill for leaders. Be sure to read all three of these posts from Mary Jo Asmus for some ideas about how to improve your listening [...]

By: Mary Jo Asmus

Mary Jo Asmus — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 12:20:02 +0000

Marne, what a great reflective comment. I never thought of “fear of changing myself” as a possible barrier to listening, yet I know it to be true. This may be especially evident when someone’s views differ widely from our own. Thanks!

Eric, I hope you’ll ready part III of this series which addresses the distractions.

Joe, the very word “discussion” evokes (for me, even though I use it often) a back and forth, without the flow of conversation or dialog (and without the listening). Check out part III of this series on the distractions that get in the way.

By: Joe Bradshaw

Joe Bradshaw — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 05:29:31 +0000

Thanks for posting on Listening Mary Jo, With so many methods of communication available to us in this day and age it got me thinking… How much are our leaders, bosses, and ourselves personally even paying attention to these communications. How self-focused have people become that a discussion is more of a debate that people just talk over each other instead of listening and then responding. I think we need to put down the modern technology and spend some time hearing what everyone else is saying.

By: Eric Means

Eric Means — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 05:16:41 +0000

To me it’s pretty rude to use your technical gadgets in mid conversation with someone. Makes you feel like you don’t matter and nothing you say matters. When TV and all these technical gadgets are shut off and you give the person your undivided attention, then you are a true listener. My dad always said watching TV can make someone dumber, I believe there is some truth to that and other gadgets. Instead of interacting with people or reading a book you watch a box. The problem these days as you stated is that people think too highly of themselves and think they are above everyone and only what they think counts. So they can’t put their cell phone down or turn it off cause they have to gossip at that second about themselves, even at the workplace.

By: Marne Stillwell

Marne Stillwell — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:51:15 +0000

MaryJo,
Thank you for speaking the hard truth about why we don’t listen. Most of the time, when I fail to listen, if I am honest with myself, it is because I think I know more, or already know what the speaker is trying to tell me. There is another ugly truth about the times I fail to listen. Fear .I don’t listen because I am afraid that truly hearing what is being said might require me to reflect upon and ultimately change a belief, a system, a habit, or a judgment that I am attached to. When I catch myself “tuning out” I like to ask myself “What am I afraid of” or “Why does this feel threatening”. It is not an easy process, but it is a worthwhile endeavor. I look forward to future posts on listening!

Marne Stillwell

By: Mary Jo Asmus

Mary Jo Asmus — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 13:32:13 +0000

Samson, great points. I certainly feel “cared for” when someone listens to me. Its always good to remind ourselves of the opposite, too – how we feel when we’re not listened to. For some – this may help them to focus on listening better.

By: Samson Malchi

Samson Malchi — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 03:26:19 +0000

What I have learned from my experience is when we listen to others we show that we care for them. This makes the conversation much healthier. We have to keep our egos and gadgets aside if we want to make a productive work environment.

Thanks Mary jo.

By: Mary Jo Asmus

Mary Jo Asmus — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 11:11:28 +0000

Lisa, I’m not even sure that people recognize this is the reason behind their poor listening! Thanks for your kind words.

Matt, Good point, I agree. I think it would be a great thing to require “listening learning” in school and beyond.

Kevin, now if we could only eliminate all the other excuses….

Marie, what a beautiful quote. Thank you!

By: Marie Bjornson

Marie Bjornson — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 20:44:51 +0000

I wish I knew who originally said this because I believe it wholly:

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”

When you listen you hold that space for people to unfold and expand; it’s worth taking the time to slow down and give your full attention to someone, isn’t it? At least I think so.

By: Kevin Chou

Kevin Chou — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:32:57 +0000

The information overload and technological gadgets train us to listen to the signals and tune out the noise. We learn to hear without listening and we only listen to what we want to hear.

The fast-paced world gives us perfect excuses for selective listening. However, the reason we don’t listen is not because we are too busy, but because we don’t want to.

Thanks for pointing that out. We have one excuse we can’t use for not listening now.