Sometimes, all the things you`ve heard and learned about “effective communication” just don`t work. You can use the tips and techniques you`ve read about in those books about tough conversations, do the things you`ve learned in that leadership class on effective communication ?€“ and yet, it just doesn`t work the way you thought it would.

Perhaps your expectations are too high. People aren`t like machines, where you can tighten a loose screw and voila! Everything is fixed. The human machine is much too complex for our communications to have a predictable effect. However, you may be able to increase your odds of having a great conversation (if not predictable) by examining your intent before starting the conversation.

With practice, this will assist in aligning your intent with what comes out of your mouth.

Here`s one way to begin:

Find five minutes of quiet, uninterrupted space. Sit down, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths. With your eyes closed, ask yourself:

• What is my commitment to this relationship?
• What outcome from this communication might best serve myself and the individual (employee, manager, peer) I need to have a dialog with?
• What do I need to do or say to make sure that my words are aligned with my commitment to the relationship?

Open your eyes, take a few more deep breaths and take some notes. This could be the beginning of a great conversation!

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