Influence: L.to flow in
Almost every leader I know wants to learn more about the secret to influencing others. Influencing seems a bit ethereal, untouchable and hard to define. There isn’t a secret formula, but there is a place you can start, and it’s with yourself. Influencing others isn’t a thing that you do; it is a thing that you are. You must embody it, otherwise you are only acting and others will see through it.
You might be surprised that the ability to influence begins with you. It starts on the inside, with who you are. It takes time to understand and build from the inside out in order to influence others.
So where do you start? Always start with developing your character. Knowing yourself well, understanding your character strengths and your weaknesses is essential.
Your own experience with people who have influenced you can be your guide. You may consider a relative or a partner, a manager, or a teacher. You could start to explore your character with some questions to think about:
- Who do you think highly of?
- What character traits do they have?
- How do they influence you?
- What character traits do you have that you cherish?
- How might those traits influence others?
- What character traits do you need to strengthen?
An example
My grandmother has always been somebody I thought highly of. She was patient, kind, and a great listener. I always felt “safe” in her presence, as she didn’t judge me. She would listen deeply without saying much until I asked her what she thought. She always said something insightful. She influenced me to work hard to be kind and patient with others. Grandma had great wisdom, and I strive to follow her lead.
Although it’s been decades since Grandma died, I still think of her when I consider the character traits I want to embody and strengthen. I try to stay aware of them in everyday interactions, and to model them for my own children, my clients and others (p.s. I am far from perfect. But thinking about her and how she influenced me has been a great way to visualize my own character development and how I might influence others).
The bottom line is that influence begins inside, with strong character. What character traits do you need to begin to develop? How will you start?
Good points Mary Jo – thank you.
This aligns with some of the theory around Emotional Intelligence which suggests that you can’t influence others positively unless you have high levels of self-awareness and self-assessment, mixed with self-confidence. It does, as you suggest, flow outward from yourself.
Glenn
Being does come before doing. Most everything starts within us. The problems we face are rarely “out there” they are almost always “in here.” Everything begins with your thoughts. Whenever anything happens the first thing we do is think something. Thoughts drive emotions, emotions drive behavior, and behavior creates results. If you don’t like the results you’re creating for yourself – change your thoughts.
SteveWhiteToday.com
Hi Glenn, I think we forget about the inside in our fast moving, reactive world. Leaders need to remember that they are better at leading when they begin inside. Thanks for stopping by and offering your ideas.
Hi Steve, so true. I find the issue with changing thoughts is that it takes intentional focus to do so. So many leaders miss the point that by changing our thoughts, we can change our behaviors and the results we get. Thanks for the reminder.
It’s a great idea to look at those who you know that greatly influence you or others. One characteristic I found consistent is great influencers are sensitive to how those they are trying to influence take in information.
We all “hear” better when we are given the information in a format that best suits our personality and at a time we are best able to focus.
Alex, this is a great comment and addition. It reminds me of the occasional needfor leaders to change their pace or the emphasis in their messages in order to best influence others.