From the July, 2008 issue of the Aspire Newsletter:

A Note from Mary Jo……

We are in an era when the ability to get along with others (“social intelligence”) is becoming more important than ever for organizational and community leaders. A leader’s ability to connect with others and form great relationships is essential in this world of email, global teams, and dispersed customers.

I often use assessments with my clients to assist them in increasing their self awareness, understanding of others, and social intelligence. One of my favorites is called the FIRO-B (“Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation”). This fascinating tool provides information about some fundamental interpersonal dimensions in the areas of:

Inclusion: How much you include other people in your life and how much attention, contact, and recognition you want from others.

Control: How much influence and responsibility you express and how much you want others to lead and influence you.

Affection: How close and warm you are with others and how close and warm you want others to be with you.

All of these behaviors can contribute or detract from a leader’s ability to make good connections and form healthy relationships.

The Center for Creative Leadership has discovered that only one of the three FIRO-B dimensions differentiated the top quartile of leaders from the bottom quartile. Many of us might believe the popular assumption that those leaders who readily express control are the most effective. Indeed, this is not what CCL found in their study. Rather, the single factor that differentiated top leaders from those at the bottom was affection – how much a leader expresses it, as well as how much a leader wants affection.

In other words, the highest performing leaders show more warmth and want more than the bottom 25%. I’ve learned that all three areas of inclusion, control and affection have an impact on a leader’s effectiveness in some way. Some tips for reflecting on your ability in all three dimensions in order to increase your “Social IQ” are found in this issue’s “Dear Leader” letter.

A Letter to Leaders: Increasing Your Social IQ

Dear Leader,

The necessity of creating and sustaining great relationships is becoming more important to you. You have noticed that the leaders who are most effective are those that are able to make connections, engage, and encourage others. They take what they hear from followers into account in order to make the best decisions. How might you increase your own ability to connect, engage and encourage? Ask yourself and reflect on the following:

Including Others:
Do I listen with my head and my heart? Do I suspend judgment as listen?
Do I invite participation? Do I invite participation from employees when my decisions will impact them?

Being Strategic About Control:
Do I control only those things that are essential for me to control? Do I let go when appropriate, allowing others to take the reins? Do I take other’s opinions and ideas into account in my decisions and actions? Do I ask for opinions and ideas? Do I honor those who provided their opinions and ideas by letting them know that I have taken their information into account and thanking them?

Expressing and Inviting Affection:
Do I spend time with my employees regularly discussing what is meaningful to them in their work and their lives? Do I coach employees to make meaningful connections between what matters most to them and the work they are doing? Am I willing to disclose those things that are most meaningful in my own work and life? Do I reveal what is most important to me, thus helping employees better understand me and my decisions?

Warm Regards, Mary Jo