Comments on: Increasing and Showing Empathy http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy Thu, 09 Sep 2010 23:43:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Mary Jo Asmus http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy/comment-page-1#comment-490 Mary Jo Asmus Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:32:38 +0000 http://www.aspire-cs.com/new-site/?p=217#comment-490 Cirel, I think your comment about not being judgmental is right on, particularly when it comes to people's beliefs. Beliefs are beliefs, and we can't change those, nor should we judge them. Jonathan and Loren, I was waiting for someone to comment on "faking it" - well done. Empathy must be genuine, and I DO think its possible to learn to be empathic. I've seen the change in some clients. My concern is always whether they can maintain empathy when its not their second nature, and in a business environment where it may not be favored. Wally, I like the technique. I have used MBTI in a similar way - to start the conversations about each other's preferences, and how they express them in a non-threatening way can really get some conversations going that are personal and that many don't have in everyday work life. Cirel, I think your comment about not being judgmental is right on, particularly when it comes to people’s beliefs. Beliefs are beliefs, and we can’t change those, nor should we judge them.

Jonathan and Loren, I was waiting for someone to comment on “faking it” – well done. Empathy must be genuine, and I DO think its possible to learn to be empathic. I’ve seen the change in some clients. My concern is always whether they can maintain empathy when its not their second nature, and in a business environment where it may not be favored.

Wally, I like the technique. I have used MBTI in a similar way – to start the conversations about each other’s preferences, and how they express them in a non-threatening way can really get some conversations going that are personal and that many don’t have in everyday work life.

]]> By: Wally Bock http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy/comment-page-1#comment-489 Wally Bock Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:16:16 +0000 http://www.aspire-cs.com/new-site/?p=217#comment-489 This is a wonderful post, Mary Jo about an area that doesn't get talked about much. When I work with supervisors I find that some folks really don't have much empathy, while others have it but don't express it in ways that their team members understand. One tactic that's worked for the later group is to have them identify a topic that they are interested in an share with every team member. That opens the possibility for conversations that aren't just concerned with business issues. Lots of good things can happen after that. This is a wonderful post, Mary Jo about an area that doesn’t get talked about much.

When I work with supervisors I find that some folks really don’t have much empathy, while others have it but don’t express it in ways that their team members understand. One tactic that’s worked for the later group is to have them identify a topic that they are interested in an share with every team member. That opens the possibility for conversations that aren’t just concerned with business issues. Lots of good things can happen after that.

]]> By: Loren Loiseau http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy/comment-page-1#comment-488 Loren Loiseau Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:40:14 +0000 http://www.aspire-cs.com/new-site/?p=217#comment-488 Thanks again for reminding us of a basic value. Caring about people is the first requirement of empathy. People can see a fraud and it's very difficult to fake caring behavior. My personal goal is to truly care about the people around me so that empath becomes second nature. Brett Simmons has a great related post: http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-11/leadership-there-is-no-substitute-for-caring. Thanks again for reminding us of a basic value. Caring about people is the first requirement of empathy. People can see a fraud and it’s very difficult to fake caring behavior. My personal goal is to truly care about the people around me so that empath becomes second nature. Brett Simmons has a great related post: http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-11/leadership-there-is-no-substitute-for-caring.

]]> By: Jonathan Bradley http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy/comment-page-1#comment-487 Jonathan Bradley Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:57:13 +0000 http://www.aspire-cs.com/new-site/?p=217#comment-487 Great post. Some of us are indeed less gifted than others with empathy. Even those that are can sometimes get caught up in a high-profile or fast-paced project and inadvertently step on others' toes. The fact of the matter is, many (and likely most) people respond best to someone that understands - and cares about - their point of view. The ability to genuinely put yourself in someone else's shoes is paramount. People have an innate ability to smell bullsh*t. As someone once told me, and for all the technically-based leaders out there that are more concerned with facts than feelings (guilty too often of this myself), "It's all in the setup." READ: Have a personal approach to things; real people come up with those numbers you value so much. Great post. Some of us are indeed less gifted than others with empathy. Even those that are can sometimes get caught up in a high-profile or fast-paced project and inadvertently step on others’ toes. The fact of the matter is, many (and likely most) people respond best to someone that understands – and cares about – their point of view. The ability to genuinely put yourself in someone else’s shoes is paramount. People have an innate ability to smell bullsh*t.

As someone once told me, and for all the technically-based leaders out there that are more concerned with facts than feelings (guilty too often of this myself), “It’s all in the setup.” READ: Have a personal approach to things; real people come up with those numbers you value so much.

]]> By: Cirel http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy/comment-page-1#comment-486 Cirel Thu, 12 Nov 2009 05:53:09 +0000 http://www.aspire-cs.com/new-site/?p=217#comment-486 Great post, Mary Jo! I really like the points mentioned above as ways to increase empathy. Personally, I've found it helpful to not be judgmental or criticizing when practicing empathy. It's important to really hear beyond what the person is saying. On the other hand, I've also found that, sometimes, the trouble with becoming TOO empathethic is the tendency to take on responsibilities that isn't our own. Sometimes, a person who is going through a problem doesn't necessarily want someone who can find solutions for them. They simply want someone who can listen and understand what they are going through. Great post, Mary Jo! I really like the points mentioned above as ways to increase empathy. Personally, I’ve found it helpful to not be judgmental or criticizing when practicing empathy. It’s important to really hear beyond what the person is saying. On the other hand, I’ve also found that, sometimes, the trouble with becoming TOO empathethic is the tendency to take on responsibilities that isn’t our own. Sometimes, a person who is going through a problem doesn’t necessarily want someone who can find solutions for them. They simply want someone who can listen and understand what they are going through.

]]> By: Mary Jo Asmus http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy/comment-page-1#comment-485 Mary Jo Asmus Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:07:51 +0000 http://www.aspire-cs.com/new-site/?p=217#comment-485 Dallas, it's great that you've seen the advantage in stopping and empathizing! Anne, great suggestion - thanks! Nick, "getting down and dirty" is certainly a good way to empathize and can be done in various ways - like volunteering, or watching movies, as Anne has suggested. Thanks! Tony, I'm curious.... what makes you believe that empathy is more scarce in upper management? What might cause that? Bob, great idea to consider "how would I want to be treated?" Even better might be to consider "How do they want to be treated" (called the Platinum Rule). Steve, your comment brings to mind a favorite client who said he developed empathy by learning to listen better. In a way, I think that might be considered "following what to do". Dallas, it’s great that you’ve seen the advantage in stopping and empathizing!

Anne, great suggestion – thanks!

Nick, “getting down and dirty” is certainly a good way to empathize and can be done in various ways – like volunteering, or watching movies, as Anne has suggested. Thanks!

Tony, I’m curious…. what makes you believe that empathy is more scarce in upper management? What might cause that?

Bob, great idea to consider “how would I want to be treated?” Even better might be to consider “How do they want to be treated” (called the Platinum Rule).

Steve, your comment brings to mind a favorite client who said he developed empathy by learning to listen better. In a way, I think that might be considered “following what to do”.

]]> By: Steve Roesler http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy/comment-page-1#comment-484 Steve Roesler Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:29:36 +0000 http://www.aspire-cs.com/new-site/?p=217#comment-484 MJ, Like the list. Sometimes folks can't inherently feel what to do, but can follow what to do. MJ,

Like the list. Sometimes folks can’t inherently feel what to do, but can follow what to do.

]]> By: Bob Hall http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy/comment-page-1#comment-483 Bob Hall Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:21:14 +0000 http://www.aspire-cs.com/new-site/?p=217#comment-483 Great post. Empathy is key to being a good leader. I try to remember that "but for the grace of God, go I", you know? If the tables were turned, I could be working for one of my team members. How would I want to be treated then? Great post. Empathy is key to being a good leader. I try to remember that “but for the grace of God, go I”, you know?

If the tables were turned, I could be working for one of my team members. How would I want to be treated then?

]]> By: Tony Thekkekara http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy/comment-page-1#comment-482 Tony Thekkekara Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:17:58 +0000 http://www.aspire-cs.com/new-site/?p=217#comment-482 I have noticed that working under a leader that empathizes, or at least can empathize with you, can be very beneficial. Especially within a larger organization, it is hard to find, and even more scarce among upper level management. Having that connection with your employees can certainly build stronger relationships. In the past, I have mostly used the 'making it personal' method of empathizing with people but unless you can relate, its difficult to do this. That is when the interpersonal communication skills come in. Thanks for the valuable insight! -Tony I have noticed that working under a leader that empathizes, or at least can empathize with you, can be very beneficial. Especially within a larger organization, it is hard to find, and even more scarce among upper level management. Having that connection with your employees can certainly build stronger relationships. In the past, I have mostly used the ‘making it personal’ method of empathizing with people but unless you can relate, its difficult to do this. That is when the interpersonal communication skills come in. Thanks for the valuable insight!
-Tony

]]> By: Nick Halen http://www.aspire-cs.com/increasing-and-showing-empathy/comment-page-1#comment-481 Nick Halen Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:36:25 +0000 http://www.aspire-cs.com/new-site/?p=217#comment-481 Great post, I think that one of the best ways to increase your personal empathy is by actually getting down and dirty with them. The best way to do this is by exposing yourself to what they have been exposed to and you can say u have "been there, done that." There is no better way to relate to someone than by having gone through the same situation yourself. Nick Great post,
I think that one of the best ways to increase your personal empathy is by actually getting down and dirty with them. The best way to do this is by exposing yourself to what they have been exposed to and you can say u have “been there, done that.” There is no better way to relate to someone than by having gone through the same situation yourself.
Nick

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