Art Petty of Management Excellence and I had worked together previously on a post called “The Words of a Leader”. I can’t speak for Art, but collaborating in this way was a great experience – a way to exchange ideas on a topic and an excuse to connect with Art – a leader, consultant and writer that I admire.

So we agreed to give it another go. We both wanted to write about the topic of humility, and ended up with similar – and divergent – ideas and thoughts about the topic – all of which can be found below and on his site too. Feel free to leave comments at this site, or at the Management Excellence site or at both; we welcome your ideas wherever you express them!

Art`s Thoughts:

I concede the dictionary war to all of you that will turn to the word “humility” and see a definition that says, “a modest or low view of one`s own importance; humbleness,” or, something as profound as “the quality or state of being humble.”

These are not definitions and words that you tend to associate with successful leaders, and yet, I cannot help but observe that many of the most impactful and successful individuals that I`ve worked with and around have an element of humility in their demeanor and an approach that exudes a quiet but positive self-confidence.

Is humility one of the secret ingredients of successful leaders?

To me, humility in a leader is best described as having the self-confidence borne of experience to be comfortable in your own leadership skin, without having to project to the world that you`re on top and in charge.

To be humble as a leader does not mean that you are weak, but rather that you are thoughtful, considerate and confident in the people around you and their ability to solve problems and learn and solve more problems.

It takes time and experience and self-awareness and raw courage to develop and project humility and confidence at the same time. Both are essential.

We generally don`t come into the leadership world with a sense of humility. Many of the mistakes of early leaders stem from a misguided belief that To Assert = To Lead.

Unfortunately, many carry this belief in assertion equals leadership with them as they climb the ladder. The earlier over-stated and over-projected self-confidence often evolves into arrogance and then hubris. The collateral damage from the leaders that follow this evolutionary path is huge.

The path towards confident humility is considerably more difficult and is filled with its own opportunities for derailment. Those that act humble may be misperceived as weak or uncertain. The To Assert =To Lead crowd likes to hire their own kind in some form of twisted Darwinian practice that ensures the survival of their kind, fully understanding that they may very well be hiring the individual that steps on their back in the climb up the ladder.

Alternatively, I submit that humble leaders are never weak. Like some martial arts experts, they have the skills to strike and defeat, but choose to use them only to defend or to fight for what is right. Fighting or striking out is the last resort of the incompetent who lack the wisdom and intellectual tools and substance to fight fair over concepts and ideas. One of the strengths of the humble leader is that everyone knows that he or she is capable of fighting and winning. This “walk softly and carry a big stick” approach buys the ability for the leader to cultivate his or her humility.

Like so many difficult tasks in life, there is no magic pill or simple guidance that anyone can offer on becoming an effective leader. You learn by doing and YOU choose your own style. I regard leadership both as a profession and as a journey and I encourage people that when they come to the fork in the road on choosing a leadership style, to turn away from the To Assert = To Lead path and start down the more difficult road and spiritual journey that focuses on others over self. I also encourage them to keep their eyes wide open and carry a big stick.

The Bottom Line:

Never underestimate the ability of the quietly confident and slightly humble leader to inspire others to move mountains.

Mary Jo`s Thoughts:

So often, when we think of leadership, we think in terms of the charismatic leader, or the bold leader. We think of leaders as bigger than life, exuding confidence and perhaps, arrogance.

For most, “humility” isn`t a word that comes to mind when considering the leaders we think we know. This is unfortunate, because the best leaders I know have been able to stay self confident without crossing the line into arrogance through the simple act of remaining humble. It isn`t easy, especially for leaders who`ve had big success.

When we are humble, we understand and invite the gifts that others bring to our effective leadership.

When we are humble, we invite participation by others.

When we are humble, we are open to new learning.

When we are humble, we have empathy and compassion.

Arrogance breeds behavior that isn`t inclusive, diverse of thought, creative, or enlightening. We know that we are not humble when we`ve become arrogant.

How do we know when we`ve crossed the line into arrogance?

Be vigilant. Listen to yourself. You`ve crossed the line into arrogance when:

• You take all the credit: real leaders know that their success is a group effort. When we are humble, credit goes to all who share in your success.
• You are the smartest person in the room: learning has ceased. You feel as if you have nothing new to learn from those around you. When we are humble, we are in a state of inquiry; not knowing all the answers, which allows us to continually learn.
• You judge those around you as “less” than yourself: you`ve put yourself on a pedestal. Nobody can do anything better than you can. It`s not important where we are in relation to everyone else. What is important is that you push your own edges outward to continually evolve.
• You`ve lost empathy and compassion: you just can`t seem to identify with those in a tough spot or feel sympathy for those in sorrow. When we are humble, we can walk in the shoes of others and we can reach out to them.

Are you staying humble, or have you crossed the line into arrogance? Spend some time thinking about this question and asking for feedback from those you trust on what they are observing in your behavior. And if you`ve crossed the line, call your executive coach to help you get back to humility.

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