A recent inquiry from a reader asked, “why don’t leaders just tell it like it is?”.Lets put aside the fact that there are plenty of leaders who “tell it like it is”, so the reader’s question is a generalization. Yet there is some truth to the question. Why do some leaders hold off on telling the full truth?
The messages that aren’t “told like it is” may run the gamut from individual feedback to the employee on their less-than-stellar performance to something on a broader scale (budget cuts, a merger, layoffs, etc.). The beliefs behind not telling it like it is require some exploration. Mostly, they aren’t valid.
Is it possible that you are holding off? Let’s see if we can debunk some of the myths that may be swirling around in your head about why you aren’t telling it like it is:
Bad news is unpleasant for employees to hear: This is true. Yet employees need to hear it; in fact they are begging to hear it. The longer you wait to tell them, the more unpleasant the telling becomes. Remember that the best way deliver bad news is as soon as possible, and with empathy and kindness.
There are so many things I can’t answer: While your employees may ask questions that you cannot answer, what keeps you from saying “I don’t know”? If it’s ego, there is no better time to throw ego out the door and let them know you will follow up as soon as you know (and then do it).
I don’t want to be the bad person: In service to letting people know what they need to know, you won’t be. You are telling them what they need to know. Their anger or sadness may make them dislike you for a moment, but if you are an otherwise good leader, this dislike isn’t about you. It’s about their reaction to what you’ve said.
I fear the fallout: Let them know that you are listening, that you care about them and what happens next. Ask them to help you understand how you can make the unpleasant news bearable. These things will lessen the fallout.
So, explore the beliefs that keep you from telling it like it is with a friend, a coach, or a mentor. Be open to what you discover. Are they valid? If not, you have one less reason for not telling your employees what they need to hear.
What keeps you from truth-telling?
I know this sounds like a simple excuse, but my parents pounded into me for 19 years “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I bought it. Saying something bad about someone ranks right up there with talking back to your elders in my house. I bought it. Little did my parents know they were doing a disservice to me as a future manager. I’ve spent 40 years trying to reprogram myself, but even though I know it’s best to deal with these issues, the hardest thing for me is getting over the parent hurdle. Am I the only one?
Hi Paul, I heard the same thing from my parents. However, I also remember the times that I have been “shielded” from news that someone had judged I didn’t want to hear. I would rather make the decision about hearing it myself, and so always appreciate when someone says, “I have some news that you may not like to hear. Shall I tell you?”. Dare I say that 100% of the time, my answer is “yes”.