Finding Luminosity In Those You Lead
March 8th, 2010 | 
Author: In the fine arts, the word “value” has to do with the degree of lightness or darkness, the “luminosity” in a color. This is true for human beings too; we all emit a certain degree of luminosity to others – a value that can be interpreted in a positive or negative way.
We can notice the value in others if we stay alert. We’ve all known someone who emits a great deal of light; they are luminous. We are attracted to them. That’s the easy part.
Making the effort to notice value in those we have rejected, whom we don’t see eye to eye with, is important too.
As leaders, there is also some real worth in seeing beyond our negative judgment of others for the greater good of our organizations and communities. Instead of outright rejection of an individual, we may find value there.
Mom was wrong
My mother would say, “first impressions are lasting impressions” – meaning that a first impression of someone can’t be changed (and an implied caution that I better be careful to make a good first impression on others!). Sorry mom – you were wrong.
It is possible to change your first (or second) impression if you are willing. We all judge some people harshly. If we are intentional, we can learn to give up those negative first impressions to discover what is valuable.
These negative judgments are particularly harmful when they apply to the people we lead:
that colleague down the hall who is always whining about something;
the employee who just “doesn’t get it”;
the person whom we just can’t see eye to eye with philosophically.
In all of these cases, even if we don’t realize it, we are snuffing out a person’s luminosity and devaluing them to the detriment of our organization.
Seeing beyond the negative
Stop and think about those negative impressions. Are they true, or just an opinion – something that you see through your own lens? Have a dialog with the person, listen, and ask, “What can I value here?”.
What new beliefs are you willing to be open to?
You might be surprised if you are open. And you might find some lightness shining through.
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11 Responses to “Finding Luminosity In Those You Lead”
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Mary Jo,
Great points! It’s easy to see the luminous people surrounding us but it takes much more effort to see the positive aspects of those we reject. Just as much, if we can look past our first impressions, we can stand to gain a great deal by trying to determine the value from those we reject.
I’ve had times in my career where I had a bad impression of an individual initially but found that they were highly intelligent and a good person. The differences in our personalities created the wrong impression but looking past it made me highly value that person as a friend and colleague.
Thanks for the always helpful reminder to frequently challenge the stereotypes we have about people. While such judgments about negative behavior may be correct at the time we make them, the attitudes and circumstances the created the behavior may have been a rare occurrence.
I often think about how many resources (human, informational, etc.) we waste and neglect because of one or two bad experiences. It seems to me that effective leaders must somehow hone their judgment to ensure they’re getting a representative sample of a person and not getting fooled by a couple outlier performances.
One situation in particular comes to mind after reading this post. I used to work at Costco and did miscellanious positions throughout the building, but when an administration position became available I wanted it so bad. Even though it wasn’t necessary for the position, I knew I wasn’t going to be considered just by applying because I was a lot younger than the admin team already in place and I tried to stay under the radar with management. So I wrote a resume and turned it in to the manager overseeing the department. He was shocked that I took the time to write it out and submit it. He was also surprised to see the positions held while in high school, as I was a bank teller for Wells Fargo from the time I was 16 until the time I got the job at Costco. I got the position and the manager actually used my situation as an example in a leadership meeting. He described the same principles as exemplified in your blog post.
I think this is great advice. I’d like to add some additional thoughts to your comments. Our impression of people not always comes from within our own judgement but the views and comments made by others. When we hear others make negative comments about employees, we take those comments to be true without realizing it. I know it is not important how we develop negative impressions of others, but I believe if we understand how they originated in our minds it can help us better see beyond the negative. In organizations it is easy to go along with opinions of your peers and bosses instead of questioning it’s validity. It is important to form your own opinions using the advice you give in seeing beyond the negative. You may also challenge the opinions given by others and in doing so you help others in your orgainzations to see the value in individuals that has been overlooked.
Mary Jo,
What a great reminder! It is true; we can be judgmental and automatically write someone off before they even get the opportunity! Every human being has some luminosity; every person has value, even if we can’t see it. Someone values them, they are not worthless. We just need to be more open-minded and uncover it! Is that not how you want to be treated!?!?
Positive first impression can also be dangerous. I completely agree with you that one must be careful and willing to change judgment based off of first impressions, but you must also be careful not to give people credit when they do not deserve it. Great reminder to always evaluate your perspectives.
Marry Jo,
Great Point! It is an interesting way to think about how you treat the people around you. I think that I try and give people the benefit of the doubt but there are times were I have judged people unfairly and later regretted it. I try and come to work with a positive and fun attitude, because of that my intelligence was in question and often I found people discounting my opinion on issues. Anyway it’s interesting to think about.
Thanks Again,
Ira
Yung, I’m so glad you had the experience of looking past the negative first impression in others. Me too, and it can be freeing!
Brandon, I believe that bad behavior does not equal bad person. Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same!
Nicole, its wonderful that you were able to experience a manager such as this. I hope you will have many more in your lifetime.
E, you make a great point. We can choose to accept the opinions of others – or not.
Kelsey, you have hit on the Golden Rule. How true.
Karla, I think we tend to be very critical of others – more so than seeing the good, which is why I wrote the post this way. Nonetheless, you have a point well taken. Particularly of those who are celebrities. The recent incident with Tiger Woods has us all wondering about “what’s behind the curtain”.
Ira, I’m glad I provided you with “something to think about”. Think away!
The fact is, that if you’re going to do your job as a leader, part of your job is stepping past whatever first impressions you have and finding ways to help people grow. It’s a challenge sometimes, but a rewarding one when you rise to it. I really like the idea of “luminosity.” It neatly describes the special “something” you should be seeking.
MJ, you are firing on all cylinders!
I used to say to myself that sometimes things (and people) are not what they seem to be. I don’t believe that anymore. Things are exactly what they appear to be, but often can’t accept or understand what we see. The leader’s job is to suspend judgment and constantly strive to understand “why.”
Thanks! Bret
Wally, you bet! The trick for leaders is to be intentional and thoughtful about finding “luminosity” and rising to it. I like the idea of “luminosity” in others too.
Bret, sometimes we just need to find the right way to take the lens of our way of “seeing” others off. Tough work! Particularly difficult in longer-term (and more emotional) relationships.