Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. So take five and enjoy something different this week; questions that have inspired and solved important things in our world. Finally, reflect on the final question.

“What would the universe look like if I were riding on the end of a light beam at the speed of light?” ~Albert Einstein; the question that led to the theory of relativity. 

“What might DNA look like in a 3D form?” ~Watson and Crick; the question that led to the discovery of the double helix.

“What is the most ethical action we might take?” ~Johnson & Johnson leaders; the question that helped them to successfully deal with the Tylenol crisis in the 1980’s.

“Where can I get a good hamburger on the road?” ~Ray Kroc; the question that led to the development of McDonalds.

• What is the question that you haven’t yet asked?

My  friend, colleague, and mentor Paul Knudstrup, has written and recently published a new book, “The 8 Essential Skills for Supervisors and Managers“ that I’m really excited to have you learn about. This book highlights Paul’s significant experience in a 40-year career of managing people and as a well-respected consultant to managers and their organizations across the globe. He is President of Midwest Consulting Group, based in Kalamazoo Michigan.

In the interest of full disclosure, I owe a lot to Paul (including his delivery of my own free signed copy of his book). When I started my own business, he was generous and giving of his time to help make it successful. He was, and still is, my Myers-Briggs Type Indicator mentor as I was learning my way around that instrument. And he and I have participated in a fabulous monthly Master Mind group with Jan Andersen of Beyond Words, Inc. and Gretchen Johnson of Virtual Wordplay Marketing Communications  for a few years, a caring and supportive group of individuals who have helped each other without reservation to be successful in business and in life.

So with that out of the way, I am pleased to tell you that The 8 Essential Skills for Supervisors and Managers is a book that belongs in the hands of all leaders – whether they have direct reports or not. Readers of this post are entitled to a 10% discount off the cover price if they contact Paul at PaulK@MidwGroup.com.

Enjoy the following interview with Paul that will give you a small taste of its rich content.

What are the 8 skills?

1. Managing Yourself
2. Communicating for Results
3. Building Successful Relationships
4. Managing Others
5. Managing Change
6. Solving Problems and Making Decisions
7. Leading and Empowering
8. Growing Yourself

You’ve “lived” the content of this book for four decades. What prompted you to finally put your expertise into a book?

It’s always been there, waiting for the right time to come out in book format. This is really the compilation of many years of being a manager and teaching managers. In other words, the book content includes the skills that I found helpful when I was managing people, and that others whom I’ve taught over the years found helpful in their ability to supervise and manage others well.

Who are the audiences that will most benefit from The 8 Essential Skills?

Frontline supervisors and managers up to the mid level in an organization could best benefit from the book content. However, it is also useful for executives who want to understand (and remember) the kinds of issues and challenges supervisors and managers face on a daily basis.

Why did you choose 8 skills as the topic of your book? Why not 7 or 9 (or some other number)?

I made a list of the skills that I knew that supervisors and managers needed to know in order to be good at what they do. I originally came up with seven. When I looked over the list of seven, I asked myself “How do you leverage those?”, and skill 8 was born. It seemed like just the right number.

How do you envision readers applying what they learn from your book?

The best thing that could happen is that a light bulb goes off for them from time to time as they read and apply the concepts. They may know that they are struggling with some aspect of managing, but as they read the book, they will now know what they need to do. Positive changes in all areas of their life may occur as a result since the skills can all be used, in some way, at work and in life outside of work.

Perhaps they will learn that the challenges they face aren’t “bad”, but will discover that they can learn and grow as they experiment with some of the solutions to those challenges.

What are you most passionate about?

I am passionate about working with people who have a desire to grow; the kind of people that understand that their success in life and work is up to them. I especially enjoy working with groups of people and getting them to talk together and learn from each other and to find ways to work together more productively.

What else do you want people to know?

The book is a tool that can help people in all areas of their life, although at first glance, it is targeted at the work situation. And if they want to join in the conversation about the skills outlined in the book, they can do so at The 8 Essential Skills.

“The servant-leader is servant first… It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead…..The leader-first and the servant-first are two extreme types. Between them there are shadings and blends that are part of the infinite variety of human nature.

The difference manifests itself in the care taken by the servant-first to make sure that other people’s highest priority needs are being served. The best test, and difficult to administer, is: Do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants? And, what is the effect on the least privileged in society? Will they benefit or at least not be further deprived?” ~Robert Greenleaf 

The concept of servant leadership can often seem the antithesis to many organizational cultures, where top-down, command and control are the norm. Even in organizations that are supportive of the concept, it can be a challenge. Especially now.

I’m noticing that in the wake of the Great Recession, many leaders may be taking the concept of service to others too far. As their organizations have become leaner, the work that is required to keep them afloat seems to have multiplied. They are faced with an enormous amount of work that must be accomplished with less money and fewer people available to do it.

Some of these servant leaders express reluctance to “impose” on others to help with the workload.  They are also not communicating their boundaries about what they can and cannot do.  Thus, they wear themselves out, exhibiting signs of exhaustion. Their physical and mental health begin to suffer.

If you see yourself in this dilemma, recognize that you doing everything yourself isn’t serving you or your organization. Consider the following:

You will serve others best by taking care of yourself first. Spend a few minutes with the wheel of life to see what areas of your life will help you to become more balanced. Set some goals and create an action plan to assure that you can become healthier, wiser, freer, and more autonomous. You’ll be less cranky and more effective. Your followers and your organization will thank you.

You will serve others best by helping them to grow and develop. I know you are reluctant to give someone on your staff “one more thing to do”. Yet someone might be grateful to have the chance to do something new as an opportunity to grow and develop. Talk to them now.  Coach them to find a way to prioritize or stop doing some of their less important “to do’s” if necessary, so they can focus on these growth opportunities.

You will serve others best by saying “no”. When you can begin to refuse to do the things that have lower impact for you and the organization, you are on your way to truly being a servant leader. By saying “no”, you free up your time for the things that are most important: creating an inspiring vision, coaching and developing others, being available to those who need your guidance. Be courageous; what are you willing to say “no” to?

Set an example for self-care and managing priorities. You will then be helping others to do the same. This is exactly what Robert Greenleaf intended.

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. So take five and enjoy the inspirational quotes and reflect on the questions that follow.

“Preparing your “self” first, the who you must be in order to act in the direction of goals is the foundation. This gives you the ability to DO what comes your way in support of your reaching those goals. The result is that you can have those goals at which you are aiming. That’s the magic formula: Be-Do-Have. The preparation for the journey is not an agonizing over the what-if’s and details . . . It is the preparation of the Self who is about to take the journey. Who must you be in order to do what will be required? Who must you become to keep your eye on the prize regardless of the challenges that may reshape the journey and test your resilience? Who must you be in order to enjoy the process. Who you become in the climb is more important than the goal itself.”  Barry Eisen

• Who are you becoming in the climb?
• Is who you are aligned with the prize?
• What is the journey that you must take to become the leader you want to be?
• Who can help?

Two leaders in my life passed away this month. Both were too young and healthy to leave us.  Following the shock of the loss, I have been thinking about the memories we leave behind when we pass on.

Both of these people were phenomenal human beings. Their lives were lived with a focus and devotion to others. Not in a Mother Theresa sort of way, but in an every day, normal human-being sort of way.

Who we’ll remember

Tadd, a coach who had worked with my firm, was always ready to greet with a hug. Upbeat and positive, people loved being around him. Some of his former clients wrote to me following his death to tell me of the impact he’d made on them; one said the coaching he had done with her was life changing. When he passed, the service was filled with leaders in the community whose lives he’d touched deeply, all telling similar stories.

Rick, our neighbor, dedicated his life to teaching college students chemistry; the impact he made on their lives was obvious by the tributes they wrote about him. He would come over and visit Edgar the Leadership Pug and chat with us, often speaking of the beauty that surrounds us here. He took care of the stray cats that seem to make their way to our area, and walked another neighbor’s dogs when that neighbor worked long hours. A college auditorium was filled for his memorial service.

Why am I telling you this? Both of these stellar human beings had an irresistible presence. You could feel it the second they approached you. It was calming and compassionate. It made you want to be around them. This is the wonderful memory they’ve left for the rest of us who are still living.

What are the memories you’ll leave?

So before the stress of your daily fire drill causes you to get angry with your team; before you cuss at the driver in the Hummer that cut in front of you; before you lash out at your teenager for doing “something stupid” – take a breath. Consider what you want others to remember about you when you leave this earth.

Refer to that important future memory often and live out your life in accordance with it. Life, as they say, is too short. You have the opportunity to make an impact every minute of every day if you stay aware of what you are living for.

I’ve been reflecting on the disservice I’ve done to all of those who have read my posts about what it is and what it means for a leader to coach others. I realized that I’ve made coaching look too easy. This post is an attempt at coming clean on that.

You see, the most important thing about great coaching is that it really isn’t about how you do it. It’s fundamentally about who you are as a person and as a leader. In other words, great coaching happens when you are “being” a coach, not just “doing” coaching. An illustration may help.

The foundation

Imagine looking at a lovely old building. You may notice the gables, the interesting roofline or the wonderfully crafted windows. You likely wouldn’t notice the foundation which is usually hidden from your line of sight by the landscaping. Yet the foundation is the most important part of this lovely building. If the foundation is cracked or compromised in some way, the building cannot stand over the long haul; its integrity is in doubt.

So it is with coaching; your personal and professional foundations – your ways of  “being”  must be sound in order to hold up the skill sets of coaching and to coach with integrity.

Those who do coaching are mechanical; they may know all the techniques necessary to have a coaching conversation, but their coaching may not have the impact that those who are being a coach does. Managers who are the best at coaching are able to shine from the inside out. It’s their way of being that allows those they are coaching to make giant leaps; to transform and develop, to become the best at what they do.

Don’t get me wrong. I will almost always suggest, when asked, that training in the skills of coaching are a good thing. But I will also emphasize that it is your ways of being that will drive the integrity and the effectiveness of your coaching.

Do you know who you are as a human?

Great coaches show up differently than the rest of the world; who they are as human beings stands out. The people they coach will learn more from them because of who they are than they will from what they know or from their use of  a standard set of coaching techniques. The heart of the ability to coach others effectively is difficult for this reason. It is a person’s being that determines what is or what isn’t possible for those they coach. The ability to be a coach is a choice; it requires the difficult work of going inside, of taking a journey in personal transformation.

So in the end, there is a difference between saying you are a coach and actually showing up that way. Your ability to be a credible coach has to do with changing and strengthening yourself on the inside. It isn’t easy, but it is what is necessary to make an impact.

P.S. You can substitute the word “leader” for “coach” throughout this post and see how they are interchangeable. Isn’t that interesting?

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. So take five, enjoy the inspirational quotes and reflect on the questions that follow.

“A Winning Strategy is a lifelong, unconscious formula for achieving success. You did not design this Winning Strategy, it designed you. As a human being and a leader, it is the source of your success and at the same time the source of your limitations. It defines your reality, your way of being, and your way of thinking. This, in turn focuses your attention and shapes your actions, thereby determining what’s possible and not possible for you as a leader.”  ~Tracy Goss, The Last Word on Power

• What winning strategy do you have that has helped you to achieve success but may now be limiting you?
  • Who can you ask?
• If the limitations weren’t there, what is possible for you?
  • Who can help?

We are familiar with the concept of practice to get better at something in the performing arts. Even though we don’t think of leadership having an element of practice in it, in reality we have the opportunity to practice and get better at it every day. Most of us need to be more conscious and intentional of our practice, not unlike those practicing an art form.

I have an abiding love for classical ballet, and spent many years at the barre (not the “bar” except maybe in college a little). In every class, even the Principal is required to practice the basics. The small movements of the head, the way she points her foot, and her stance at the barre are practiced and corrected daily.

All of these simple movements are foundations for more complex ones. Even the simplest moves take years to get to perfection. When these small movements are practiced repeatedly over years, they can become part of the more complex ones like pirouette or pas de deux. These more complex movements build on the simple ones and can be joined together in choreography to create a stunning ballet performance. Thus, it’s the practice and perfection of the simple things that produce the most results.

And so it is with leadership. It’s foundations include the simplest of thoughts, words, and actions. They must be practiced daily with presence and intention. These basics can take years to perfect. When the practice of each foundation is done consciously, the basics can be joined together to create stunning leadership.

Consider ways to become more aware of your practice of  the leadership foundations:

Thoughts:  When your thoughts are focused on what is right for you, those who follow you, and your organization, the right actions will ultimately be expressed. Practicing right thoughts best comes through a reflective practice. Consider keeping a journal of your thoughts (this works well with introverts) or finding someone trustworthy that you can talk to on a regular basis (this works well with extraverts).

Words: People listen closely to those in management and leadership roles. It will serve you well to become very clear about how you will communicate, down to the basics – the exact words you say. Practice them when possible before they come out of your mouth. Recording them or working with a coach to perfect them may work for you.

Actions: Followers watch managers and leaders more vigilantly than anyone (this is called “hyper vigilance”). Make sure that your intentions are pure and that your actions follow your words before you act.  A promise is a promise; keep yours in order to build trust. Practice finding ways to capture and follow up on the promises you make (put them on your calendar, have your assistant keep track, etc.).

Practicing ballet and practicing leadership can have the same effect: stunning performances. May you be the recipient of many standing ovations.

Yet another Fortune CEO has fallen due to ethics violations. Hewlett-Packard, a company that started out as an example of moral leadership with “The HP Way” in 1939, has proven itself vulnerable to an unscrupulous CEO when Mark Hurd recently resigned.

There are 5.5 million employers, 1.5 million nonprofit organizations, and more than 87,000 governmental units in the United States. That’s a lot of businesses with lot of leaders who have the potential to be unethical.

This weekend, a Wall Street Journal essay by Jonah Lehrer called “The Power Trip” highlights research that supports the view that when in power, a leader may have a greater tendency to act unethically or immorally. According to the author, surveys show that bad behavior occurs most often in the offices of those with the most authority. Lehrer backs his findings with psychological studies that suggest  unethical behaviors that seem to slink into a clueless leader’s character without their knowing it.

Is there hope for ethical, moral power to prevail? Certainly. I talk to leaders every day who want to continue to take the high road. If you are a leader who is concerned about falling prey to bad behavior, there may be some things you can do to prevent it.

Know yourself first. You must find ways of holding up a mirror to your actions. The good, bad and the ugly need to be reflected upon. Know your strengths, and be vigilant about your weaknesses. Use of self assessments and 360’s are a good way to start.

Have trusted advisors surrounding you. These are the people who will give you their unbiased opinion. They are not dependent on you for a paycheck (i.e., they don’t directly report to you; you cannot count on your staff to be completely open). Mentors, peers, and an executive coach may work. Consider belonging to an “advisory group” of external, non competing peers (such as a Mastermind group).

Ask for feedback. Ask those you trust to give honest, open feedback. Ask specific questions, and you have a much better chance of getting specific answers. “Am I acting ethically in this situation?” “What is my moral responsibility in this circumstance?” “Am I staying true to our company’s values when I do this?”.

Keep your ears open. Listen deeply and openly to what others say about your behavior. Ask questions about what you hear and reflect on it. Discuss or create an action plan for change based on what you hear.

Treat others as they want to be treated. You’ll have a much better chance of getting feedback if you stay open to others. Be kind and respectful. Open your heart as well as your ears. 

Assuring that your leadership is moral and ethical can be easier when you have good relationships with those around you. There is hope.

P.S. Wally Bock suggests some resources for ethics in a recent post, Business Ethics Pointers and Comment.

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. So take five and enjoy the inspirational quotes and reflect on the questions that follow. 

“If we could be successful in helping people transform their dreams into a meaningful enterprise that provides a rewarding livelihood and the potential for jobs for others, we would profoundly change the economic fortunes for the entire community.”  Ernesto Sirolli

• What meaningful enterprise are you building or supporting?
• What dreams do others have? How will you help them transform those dreams into the enterprise?
• Who can help you?