In the climate of fear that exists in many organizations, we often hold back on asking the questions that need to be asked. We would rather be seen as having all the answers while we are afraid of losing our jobs, being stalled in our career, or simply looking ignorant.

Yet one of the most effective actions you can take as a leader is to ask questions. I’m not talking about interrogation or the questions you already know the answers to. The kind of questions that you should be asking are those that emerge from your sense of curiosity and those that will help to move you and your organization forward. You and your followers will learn a lot while gaining the ability to be agile and innovative.

Asking questions is an act of courage. The best leaders I know are courageous and understand the power of fearless questioning.

If you want to move forward yourself and your organization forward, you should be asking the kind of questions that:

everyone is thinking about but nobody is asking. Others may fear the consequences of asking questions. But as a leader, you must ask without fear because you know the importance of going deeper, understanding more and making decisions that are well informed. Continue to keep asking until all stakeholders are satisfied and a common understanding is gained.

you don’t know the answers to. You must ask the kind of questions that arise out of your curiosity. When you ask questions with obvious answers, nothing is learned and your organization remains stuck. When you ask questions that you truly don’t know the answers to, everyone grows. Windows open to the way ahead, and your organization can move forward with clarity.

create silence. The best questions require thought. You want people to think for themselves and to offer their opinions. This often requires silence. Don’t fill the silence with talk, but allow it to fully enfold the question. Understand that when silence occurs, you’ve started something powerful. People will speak up when they are ready. Allow them the gift of thinking within the silence.

that just might change the world. When you are fearless in your questioning, sometimes something powerful happens. Big ideas come forth. People become engaged in the conversation. Deeper questions appear. Powerful answers emerge. Who knows? You just might find the answer that changes the world. Ask the questions that are positive in nature (rather than “What went wrong?” how about “What went right?”) and watch people light up.

Try adding fearless questioning to your toolkit. Choose one or two questions to start a meeting, or add a few to your daily conversations. Listen deeply and watch your organization become more creative, fulfilled, engaged, and vibrant.

Tip: My favorite book of questions is Ask and You Will Succeed by Ken D. Foster. Two things are special about this book: the questions aren’t just free-form, they are arranged in useful categories. The questions the author has crafted are simple and powerful. With slight tweaks they can be changed to suit your circumstances.

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. Today we feature a quote from Art Petty, a thoughtful author, blogger, teacher, coach and consultant. I love Art’s blog – it’s always insightful and practical. His most recent book, which the quote below is taken from, is a wonderful compilation of essays on how to increase your leadership effectiveness – and for those of you who “don’t have time to read” – no excuses here. The essays are brief, and a great way to begin your day along with your cup of java and so much healthier than a donut.

So take five and enjoy the quote and reflect on the questions that follow. Your comments and answers to the questions are always welcome!

A chance encounter is a horrible thing to waste. Too many managers roll through their days on a mission chasing the urgent and the urgent-unimportant, without investing any time in cultivating relationships. Develop the good habit of leveraging casual and fast encounters to pay respect, show interest, and offer help, and you’ll single-handedly raise the office energy level. ~Art Petty, excerpted from Leadership Caffeine: Ideas to Energize Your Professional Development.

• Observe as you go about your day. Who needs your respect, interest or help?
  
• What other things are you practicing to intentionally cultivate relationships?
  
• What will it take to make relationship building as important as the urgent in your day?
  

Leaders everywhere are called “leaders” because they don’t wait for things to happen.

If you want to be a leader, you must stop waiting for someone else to:

Say what needs to be said when others aren’t. Yes, it’s risky, but who better than a leader to say it?

Show empathy for those who aren’t empowered because it’s the right thing to do.

Start having fun at work because life is too short to be serious all the time.

Celebrate small successes on the road to the big ones so that people know they are on the right path.

Notice the work of your team when they’re doing great things and then give them the credit out loud.

Take a stand when anyone in your organization violates human dignity.

Model great leadership by getting results and leading with kindness and respect even if it goes against the culture.

Develop others because you know how important it is and it can’t wait for HR to make it happen.

Reach out and connect with employees as human beings not just human doings.

Make it okay to use words like “relationship”, “love”, and “passion” at work.

Stop using words like “human capital” and “talent management” when you are talking about real, live people.

Make your organization relevant to the world we live in today by connecting people and creating a sense of community.

Simplify the complexity. Take away frustrating barriers. Make it easier for your followers to get things done.

Include others in conceiving the plans. Bring them along and help them to feel a part of what’s unfolding.

Consider the whole when others are only looking at parts. Speak up about what you see.

Consider the effects of change on people not just the bottom line. Boldly ask: how will what we are doing harm our employees?

Start a dialog when there is pressure to move ahead and get results.

Make the right decision when group think encourages the wrong one.

Trust you when you haven’t been trustworthy. Start engendering trust now.

Support people to have full, rich, wholesome lives because work is only part of what they are.

Start now. If you don’t do it, who will? This is what leadership is about.

I’ve not yet read the biography of Steve Jobs, but have certainly heard a lot about his leadership since he passed away. It strikes me that he wasn’t good with people (this may be an understatement, by the way). Stories of his arrogance, selfishness, explosive personality, and demeaning others abound. Yet he was a genius who was able to encourage others to create great things for Apple and our world.

I don’t mean to be disrespectful. Steve Jobs was a brilliant one-man powerhouse of creativity. But I wonder how much more Apple could have been if Steve Jobs were smart, creative, and consistently a positive, uplifting leader of people. How much did he leave on the table in terms of new ideas, creativity, new products and growth through his lack of people skills?

I have had the honor of working with a number of high potential senior leaders in technical organizations who are similarly smart and creative. The vast majority of them also understand the importance of being good leaders of people and work hard at being the kind of leader that we would all love to work with. Nonetheless, there are always areas that they can improve upon.

If you are a senior leader who has been successful and have had feedback that you are a good leader of people, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you are perfect and there is no room for improvement. I’m certain Steve Jobs had moments when he was a good leader of people, but all indications are that he could have used more of it.

We are all human. We can all improve, no matter how great we are at leading others. Here are some of the most common areas that the best leaders can improve upon:

Connection and Attention: Connect with others more. When you are with others, focus on them. Put away the distractions, turn, and look them in the eye. Don’t cut them off. Listen to them. Ask them questions. Be empathetic and respectful in your attention to them, even when you are angry with them.

Recognition and Praise: Everyone likes to be recognized for the work they do well. Yes, critical feedback is important. But in my experience, employees want to know if they are on the right track. Watch for what they do well, and let them know that you’ve observed. Positive feedback and praise are in short supply – you can always give them more.

Mission and Vision: Your followers want to know “what are we about?” and “where are we headed?”. Involve them in developing the mission and vision and then communicate it in as many ways that you can – in your speech and your actions; in different venues and through different media. You might think you’ve communicated it enough, but people will hear the message when they are ready.

No matter how good you are at leading, you can always get better. What do you need more of?

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. Today we feature a quote from Wally Bock, whose Three Star Leadership Blog is a bastion of common sense advice and commentary for leaders. It was one of the first blogs I started reading and commenting on. Anyone interested in supervision, management, and leadership can’t go wrong with his writing.

So take five and enjoy the inspirational quote and reflect on the questions that follow. Your comments and answers to the questions are always welcome!

I think that one of the best ways to learn leadership isn’t studying “leadership” at all. Instead, study individual leaders in their natural habitat and decide what they do that you want to try. ~Wally Bock

• What leader do you most admire?
  
• What behaviors does that leader exhibit that you appreciate?
  
  • Is there a particular behavior that you would like to have more of?
    
  • What are you willing to try? How will you start?
    

Some of us remember the days when we were excited about the possibilities for technology to save us time. Personal computers, cell phones, and the internet allowed us to have access to any information wherever we were, and allowed others access to us whenever they needed. We really believed that that all of this connectivity would make us more efficient.

However, the reality turned out to be very different than we expected. Today, we’re experiencing the real outcome of all of our electronic connectivity with 24 hours availability and weekends, vacations, and holidays included.

While you are expected to be “on call” for work, the speed with which our workplaces need to make decisions and take action is increasing as we globalize and face more competition. Long days of working for months at a time make us more vulnerable to stress, burnout, and illness.

Meanwhile life “happens” in other areas of our lives too. When there are problems at home, we bring them with us to work. Have you noticed that when a co-worker is up against problems outside of work, it often influences their ability to do be at their best at work? Perhaps you live with someone who is stressed at work –and their inability to deal with that strain well is affecting your relationship. It just isn’t possible to completely separate our work and our non-work lives.

The solutions to staying at our best in all areas of life are simple in theory – yet hard to do. The trick is to make it all work together in your favor so you can always function at your peak in any of the roles you play at work or outside of work.

The phrase “work-life synergy” seems a more attainable goal than the common phrase “work-life balance” in our always-on, 24 hour world. The word synergy implies that there aren’t separate parts of our lives. Indeed, when we have synergy, we are free to imagine a life that becomes holistic because what was once a “balance” between those parts in a seamless whole to achieve something greater than before.

Through the work I’ve done with hundreds of senior leaders who are under a great deal of pressure in all areas of their life, I’ve found a few simple practices can help them to attain synergy:

Boundaries: Learning what to say “no” to should be a required lesson in school. Many of us have a tendency to avoid priority setting. We take on too much which only put us further behind.

Take a moment every day (for most people, this will be at the start of their day) to list everything you need to do. From that list, figure out what’s really important to accomplish that day, make those things a priority, and eliminate the others – or at least put them at the bottom of the list. Be sure to leave room in your list for the “urgent and important” activities that pop up that you can’t plan for. For many, scheduling a few minutes every day to do this can make a world of difference.

Sleep, eat, exercise: It might sound strange that a conversation around these topics would occur with senior leaders around their work performance. However, time and again I’ve noticed that when someone assures that they get enough rest, eat healthy foods, and schedule regular exercise, their performance in all areas of their life improves, resulting in their ability to accomplish more with greater ease.

To begin, find one of these areas where you know you can improve, and begin slowly. If you know you can eat healthier, add a piece of fruit to your diet every day, give up unhealthy snacks, or drink more water. If you need to get exercise, start with fifteen minutes a day; you can work up to more exercise time later. I would argue that even a small amount of daily exercise is better than none at all. Developing healthy habits happens as you do these things regularly; over time, they become a part of your day without much effort.

Schedule play time: Work, even when we love what we do, can be a burn-out when it is the major focus of our lives. Some of the busiest people I know make sure that they schedule the time they need for family, friends and other activities – and they don’t allow work to interfere with those plans.

Variety in our lives affects all areas of our being in a positive way. When you make sure you have time for play, you’ll be more effective at work too. Remember to turn off the smart phone during your play time and take all of the vacation that the company provides to you.

The bottom line is that it’s a fallacy to think you don’t have time to do the things that allow you to improve at work and outside of work. The better you become at setting boundaries, becoming healthier, and allowing yourself some time to play, the more energy you’ll have resulting in greater efficiency (and enjoyment!) in all areas of your life.

Reprinted with permission from Welsh & Associates Newsletter

Tap. Tap. Tap. Someone is knocking on your office door. You look up and welcome one of your best and most productive managers. You notice that she is carrying a monkey with her. It clings to her and it looks familiar. The monkey is slowly loosening its’ grip and beginning to reach for you as your employee tells you that she has a problem and is stuck. She wants you to fix the problem for her.

You like problem solving.

You tell the employee you will take care of the problem for her (or maybe you just tell her how to fix the problem), and you watch her walk out of your office. You think about how good it feels to help someone.

Wait a minute….you feel something clinging to you! That problem-monkey was handed to you, and you’ll be feeding and caring for it for some time. As days, weeks, and months go by, you notice that you are collecting, caring, and feeding for more and more monkeys as you help your staff to solve their work problems. You’re feeling burdened, heavy. You want some relief.

How do you spell relief?

Relief is on the way. Its spelled c-o-a-c-h-i-n-g. We sometimes think of coaching as something that we do in large chunks of time and only in discussions around our staff’s development. Yet, coaching can happen in small snippets when someone taps on your door, sends an email, or calls you for help. They are bringing that monkey to you, and they are anxious for you to adopt, feed and care for it.

When you see that monkey, instead of taking responsibility for it, hand it back by asking:

What ideas have you had so far that will solve this?

Have you asked others what they would do?

What action do you need to take?

How will you start? When will you start?

After these questions, now you can ask, “How can I help?” with the intention to remove barriers to success that your employees can’t remove themselves.

It will take a great deal of strength to keep from solving other’s problems; its been your habit for a long time, and you like it. But really, it’s not the best thing for you or for your staff.

The reason you give the monkey back

The best help that you can give your staff is by helping them to think through solutions and to eventually learn to solve them without you. And that takes some real courage, because we all like monkeys and we all like to help. But we don’t want them to cling and stay with us forever. So give the monkey back by helping others to solve their own problems. It will help your staff to grow, and it will provide you with some relief.

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. Today we feature a quote from Lolly Daskal, who hosts the amazing TweetChat called #LeadFromWithin every Tuesday at 8:00 pm EST (which you are welcome to join) and authors a thoughtful blog about leadership. Lolly is a professional and a dedicated example of heart-based leadership.

So take five and enjoy the inspirational quote and reflect on the questions that follow. Your comments and answers to the questions are always welcome!

In order to live a life of leadership and meaningful connection, we have to consciously choose to slow down, give up our own agenda, and develop the capacity to focus on others by making an effort to fully understand them. ~Lolly Daskal

• What does it mean to you to live a life of meaningful connection?
  
• What will it take for you to make a conscious choice to slow down and develop relationships with others?
  
• When you listen – really listen – to others, what do you hear? What do you understand?
  

In some deep recess inside, I am a biologist. It’s where I started my career, and it continues to be a part of my way of seeing the world. I watch a lot of nature shows, especially the ones with animals in them that we don’t normally get to see in our backyard. I find that if I stretch my thinking a bit, the world we live in could be seen a lot like the natural world where the stronger, bigger animals prey on the weaker, smaller ones.

In the corporate jungle, I occasionally meet the leader who sees themselves as the prey (victim) of a lot of things that they feel are “out there” and out of their control. They see those things as stronger and bigger than they are as a way of coping with something they don’t want to deal with (often for legitimate reasons!). Here are some of the things that might just keep you in a victim mindset:

• The boss who doesn’t see you as capable of doing great work
  
• The employees who aren’t performing up to your standards
  
• The colleague who is critical of your work and “just doesn’t get it”
  
• The organization that’s failing because they aren’t doing it the way you would
  
• The strategy that isn’t perfect
  
• The vision that is flawed
  
• The partner who doesn’t listen
  
• The children who are unruly
  
• Etc…..
  

Do you see yourself in any of these? Perhaps there is something else out there that is getting in the way of your magnificence? What have you assumed is holding you back from being everything you could be? The list could go on, but all of these things (and anything else that you feel victimized by) are not the problem. The problem is that you have made a (perhaps almost unconscious) decision to be the victim.

Turn it around

What would you assume if you weren’t assuming those things I listed? Some examples:

• I will have a dialog with the boss and raise the bar on my performance based on his input
  
• I will roll up my shirtsleeves and coach the employees to perform better
  
• I will spend some time with that colleague to help them to understand my work
  
• I will speak up to the people responsible for the failure about other ways to do things
  
• I will provide input to change the strategy
  
• I will recreate the vision
  
• I will respectfully ask my partner to listen to me (and I can listen better to my partner as well)
  
• I will take a more active role in parenting my children to be better behaved
  
• Etc…..
  

It’s up to you. Every day, you choose to be a victim or a leader. Take a hard look at yourself, and notice where you’ve placed blame. You can be the victim or you can take an active role in turning things around. You’ll be a better leader for it.

There is a guided meditation I’ve used with groups and individuals that literally helps them to imagine roots growing out of their feet into the ground. One of the purposes of this exercise is to help people feel “grounded”, i.e. stable, back to their “roots” and better able to withstand the corrupting forces of losing touch with reality.

It’s true that power can corrupt. In the shift to having the ability to exercise more control as you rise to the top, you must find ways to avoid the self-deception that comes with the lure of the immoral and unethical.

Slowly, unethical, immoral or just plain unpleasant behaviors (like being out of touch, in denial, a know-it-all) can creep in. You may not recognize it, but when these things happen, you’ve lost your roots. You’ve forgotten that it is a privilege and honor to be in a position of leadership.

What’s the secret?

Some leaders – the good ones – know this can happen. Perhaps you are one who is concerned about it happening to you. While the meditation exercise isn’t bad, you need some help now, and on ongoing basis. How can you stay grounded?

Know what you value and act on it: Many of the leaders I work with have memorized their top personal values. This helps them in tough decisions and sticky situations that aren’t as black and white as they’d like. Your values are an “anchor” for behavior that is ethical and moral; they can keep you on the right track. When you have a tough decision to make, ask yourself “What decision can I make that will keep me true to my value of XXXXXX?”.

Remember that work isn’t your whole life: Leave your cell phone at work and enjoy being present to some of the activities that remind you of your fallibility and humanity. Spend time with your family and in spiritual pursuits. Reconnect with things you love to do outside of work (sports, hobbies, nature). Volunteer for something that is very different from your everyday life (connect with children, or work at a soup kitchen). Try something new that really stretches your physical, intellectual, or emotional ability.

Surround yourself with stakeholders who will disagree with you (and then listen to them): Don’t isolate yourself and make decisions in a vacuum. Invite others into your thought processes and welcome their opposing views. Hire people who think differently than you do, and listen closely to their ideas. Make sure you balance your need to be the person that knows everything (because you can’t possibly) by understanding what others know.

Connect regularly with trusted and trustworthy friends and advisors: It’s important to have people you trust to connect with regularly – inside and outside of work. Just hanging around with good people can make a difference, but they can also provide the space you need to have confidential conversations to help you to stay grounded. Consider a mentor, a coach, friends and colleagues whom you trust.

Staying grounded is, in a way, staying human. Human leaders find ways to keep their roots.

What helps you to stay grounded?