Choosing
October 25th, 2009 | 
Author: I was struck by a voicemail message on a client`s phone: “Please leave a message, and I hope you choose to have a great day.” This interesting insertion of the word “choose” in this common phrase was a great reminder of how EVERYTHING we do daily is a choice ?€“ we just don`t always see it that way.
Even the small choices count
Every action we take, every word out of our mouths, and every attitude we adopt involves a choice. Leaders will make daily choices to use the smallest of actions, words and attitudes as weapons to demean, belittle, blame, lie, or wage war. Or they may choose the “higher road” to affirm, build, take responsibility, stay in integrity or encourage peace.
You may make choices that serve your own interests, or those that serve in the best interest of your community, your organization, and your followers.
Your choices are being watched
As a leader, you are being watched for the choices you make and for the meaning behind your choices. Your followers want to know if you are making choices that express your values, those of your organization, and those that are in their interest.
Even the smallest choices you make in your every day are being watched, and can lead down a path that is affirming or destructive:
- The three minutes that you stop, turn, and really listen to an employee rather than choosing to check your Blackberry.
- The expression of gratitude to someone for a job well done instead of choosing to find small faults in how they did it.
- Credit deflected to the individuals who actually did the work instead of choosing to take personal credit for it.
- Firm belief that your employees are capable of stretching themselves rather than choosing to assume that they aren’t capable.
- Rolling up your shirtsleeves and pitching in when the going gets tough instead of choosing to get frustrated.
- Living in the questions instead of choosing to have all the answers.
- And yes?€¦.. even choosing to have a great day when you would rather wallow in self pity.
Think about it. All the choices you make in a day without conscious thought impact your leadership. Stop, think and become intentional in your choices. What small choices will you make today that will make a positive difference in the way you lead?
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14 Responses to “Choosing”
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There is an impactful message here, Mary Jo, especially the reminder that leaders and their behaviour are constantly being watched.
Some people watch those who lead them for behaviour to emulate and some watch for behaviour to hang them with. Either way, it makes the choices leaders make critical to not only their own success but all of those whom they influence.
Thanks for a great post as always
Gwyn
I’m with Gwyn, MJ. The biggest problem is that so many of these choices don’t happen on a conscious level. So you start out the day with high resolve, but at the end you realize that you didn’t do what you intended. Choosing one behavior and consciously trying to do it every day for a couple of weeks is a good place to start. That way you can make the unconscious choice move in the way you want.
Gwyn, I find it surprising that many leaders have very little knowledge of the fact that they are being watched – to a greater extent than others. For the reasons you state, it is very important that they become aware of the choices they make.
Wally, The good news is in your note – that changing behavior can happen when one is intentional and conscious of doing so. I would argue that more than a couple of weeks is often needed – and sometimes a little extra accountability by a manager or a coach! I’m enjoying the neurobiology studies that are indicating the changes that occur in the brain as new behaviors are developed. One of those things where we might say – “I knew that”, but nice to see some scientific evidence.
I just finished reading What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20 and this post re-emphasized what I just learned, but helps put it into better perspective. We have the ability to make choices about everything we encounter, and sometimes we forget that large consequences can come from the smallest decisions. Thanks for the great reminder of the power we have to make decisions.
It’s an interesting point you bring up here, Mary Jo. Intuitively, it would seem obvious that leaders would understand that every choice they make is being carefully watched by those under them as a means of understanding the perspective of those in charge. I think part of the reason for this disconnect is because the focus tends to be on those elements that companies monitor in their metrics or which they announce the yearly shareholders’ meeting; things that can be easily quantified and tracked.
Unfortunately, somewhere down this line, we’ve forgotten that the road we travel is as important as the destination we’re aiming to reach. Your piece here is a great reminder that even the little choices we make every day can have a lasting impression well after that moment has passed.
Check out Dan McCarthy’s post titled “Heard any good news laterly?” Good match.
Brittany, thanks for the affirmation.
Tanveer, I firmly believe that the other things that can prevent leaders from being aware of their choices include a lack of “being present”, lack of self awareness, and the fast pace of their (our) lives. For the latter reason, I’m a firm believer in having a reflective practice of some sort (journaling, meditation,etc.). But I also recognize that having a reflective practice is a very tough sell to an executive; I’ve been pretty unsuccessful with that one.
Wally, thanks. I had read it last week, but re-read after getting your comment. It is a good match! And to think……I teased Dan about the touchy-feely stuff :^).
Great post! I believe in the power of choice, and yes, even the smallest kind can make the biggest difference. My parents made sure that I understood how precious time is and made it clear to me that every second that passes by is a second that I will never get back. Consequently, they instilled in me the desire to not ever waste a second of my life. This post made me realize that I have chosen to
live life this way (though it never seemed like a choice to me since it came so naturally).
I guess, sometimes, our choices aren’t always a conscious one. Some can be impulsive or simply instinctual. I am not sure how it can be done, but perhaps it would be beneficial for someone to learn how to make subconscious choices into a conscious one, especially if they are the kind that has a negative impact on the person and everyone else around him.
Cirel, good for you that you live your life this way. Many (most?) do not. It is possible to to make subconscious choices conscious, and “awareness” is the first step. Not everyone is as aware as you are.
You make a great case for mindful leadership. I don’t think we can ever be reminded enough that we have a choice in every moment. Unconsciousness is certainly an easier road, but as you point out it has consequences that are far more costly than many people in leadership positions realize. To Wally’s point I would venture to say that if our responses are unconscious then they aren’t choices at all.
Susan, great comments and thoughts. You might recall that my previous blog was called, “Intentional Leadership” for all of the reasons you provide. Even though this one is called “Mary Jo Asmus”, I have no “intention” of giving up the stand for “conscious leadership” (as opposed to “unconscious leadership”). A leader’s choices are usually more obvious, for good or for bad, than those of others, so intentionality is crucial!
Intentional choice is the stuff that true leaders are made of. They are aware of themselves, of how their choices affect their own life and how they affect the lives of others. I would add that right choices express honesty, integrity and congruence in ways that nothing else can. Wally’s comment about awareness is so central to this concept. I believe we all choose just about everything in our lives. It is how much of it we choose with awareness that truly makes a difference. In that sense, the leaders’ first responsibility is to just be aware. To realize where she wants to go. Which battles he cares to fight. Which direction they will move in.
Great thoughts as always Monica. Thanks for your comments.