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In some deep recess inside, I am a biologist. It’s where I started my career, and it continues to be a part of my way of seeing the world. I watch a lot of nature shows, especially the ones with animals in them that we don’t normally get to see in our backyard. I find that if I stretch my thinking a bit, the world we live in could be seen a lot like the natural world where the stronger, bigger animals prey on the weaker, smaller ones.

In the corporate jungle, I occasionally meet the leader who sees themselves as the prey (victim) of a lot of things that they feel are “out there” and out of their control. They see those things as stronger and bigger than they are as a way of coping with something they don’t want to deal with (often for legitimate reasons!). Here are some of the things that might just keep you in a victim mindset:

• The boss who doesn’t see you as capable of doing great work
  
• The employees who aren’t performing up to your standards
  
• The colleague who is critical of your work and “just doesn’t get it”
  
• The organization that’s failing because they aren’t doing it the way you would
  
• The strategy that isn’t perfect
  
• The vision that is flawed
  
• The partner who doesn’t listen
  
• The children who are unruly
  
• Etc…..
  

Do you see yourself in any of these? Perhaps there is something else out there that is getting in the way of your magnificence? What have you assumed is holding you back from being everything you could be? The list could go on, but all of these things (and anything else that you feel victimized by) are not the problem. The problem is that you have made a (perhaps almost unconscious) decision to be the victim.

Turn it around

What would you assume if you weren’t assuming those things I listed? Some examples:

• I will have a dialog with the boss and raise the bar on my performance based on his input
  
• I will roll up my shirtsleeves and coach the employees to perform better
  
• I will spend some time with that colleague to help them to understand my work
  
• I will speak up to the people responsible for the failure about other ways to do things
  
• I will provide input to change the strategy
  
• I will recreate the vision
  
• I will respectfully ask my partner to listen to me (and I can listen better to my partner as well)
  
• I will take a more active role in parenting my children to be better behaved
  
• Etc…..
  

It’s up to you. Every day, you choose to be a victim or a leader. Take a hard look at yourself, and notice where you’ve placed blame. You can be the victim or you can take an active role in turning things around. You’ll be a better leader for it.

There is a guided meditation I’ve used with groups and individuals that literally helps them to imagine roots growing out of their feet into the ground. One of the purposes of this exercise is to help people feel “grounded”, i.e. stable, back to their “roots” and better able to withstand the corrupting forces of losing touch with reality.

It’s true that power can corrupt. In the shift to having the ability to exercise more control as you rise to the top, you must find ways to avoid the self-deception that comes with the lure of the immoral and unethical.

Slowly, unethical, immoral or just plain unpleasant behaviors (like being out of touch, in denial, a know-it-all) can creep in. You may not recognize it, but when these things happen, you’ve lost your roots. You’ve forgotten that it is a privilege and honor to be in a position of leadership.

What’s the secret?

Some leaders – the good ones – know this can happen. Perhaps you are one who is concerned about it happening to you. While the meditation exercise isn’t bad, you need some help now, and on ongoing basis. How can you stay grounded?

Know what you value and act on it: Many of the leaders I work with have memorized their top personal values. This helps them in tough decisions and sticky situations that aren’t as black and white as they’d like. Your values are an “anchor” for behavior that is ethical and moral; they can keep you on the right track. When you have a tough decision to make, ask yourself “What decision can I make that will keep me true to my value of XXXXXX?”.

Remember that work isn’t your whole life: Leave your cell phone at work and enjoy being present to some of the activities that remind you of your fallibility and humanity. Spend time with your family and in spiritual pursuits. Reconnect with things you love to do outside of work (sports, hobbies, nature). Volunteer for something that is very different from your everyday life (connect with children, or work at a soup kitchen). Try something new that really stretches your physical, intellectual, or emotional ability.

Surround yourself with stakeholders who will disagree with you (and then listen to them): Don’t isolate yourself and make decisions in a vacuum. Invite others into your thought processes and welcome their opposing views. Hire people who think differently than you do, and listen closely to their ideas. Make sure you balance your need to be the person that knows everything (because you can’t possibly) by understanding what others know.

Connect regularly with trusted and trustworthy friends and advisors: It’s important to have people you trust to connect with regularly – inside and outside of work. Just hanging around with good people can make a difference, but they can also provide the space you need to have confidential conversations to help you to stay grounded. Consider a mentor, a coach, friends and colleagues whom you trust.

Staying grounded is, in a way, staying human. Human leaders find ways to keep their roots.

What helps you to stay grounded?

Erika Andersen writes amazing books. My personal favorite is Being Strategic. If you don’t have a copy, you should. She has another in the works about leadership, which I’m excited about.

I met Erika through an introduction from Wally Bock (via social media) and we hit it off, as he thought we might. I interviewed her here a while back, and she asked if she could interview me. I could hardly wait to respond to her questions because they were so insightful; if she had asked me what questions I wanted asked, I couldn’t have done as well. They helped me to learn while I was responding (which, by the way, is what great questions do).

Please stop by her site today and read the interview called Helping Leaders to Balance Being and Doing.

If you have ever attended a professional classical or jazz music concert and really listened to the music, you know what a dialog can be like. The music has an ebb and flow that is beautiful to listen to. The musicians must stay close to the music, listening carefully for their cues. When each note is played, it is in keeping with the rhythm and the context of notes that come before it and bridges the way for the notes that follow. There are nuances and changes in the musical language that give special meaning to the listener. So it is with a form of conversation called dialog.

Dialog also has an ebb and flow and it requires the need to stay close to the words, inflection and tone of the conversation. There is a rhythm and ease in the language and interaction. Many of you may have experienced a dialog that created the kind of flow that Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi described as “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.”

Dialog is a rare event in our modern organizations. Most often when we are speaking face to face with someone, it is a one-way conversation reminiscent of staccato in certain types of music: detached, abrupt, disjointed and disconnected.

It is radical

Dialog has an important place in your leadership. It can create the space where the important things that have been left unsaid get expressed. It’s the foundation for leading at a higher level than you’ve led before. It creates, solidifies, and sustains the relationships you need to support greatness in your organization.

However, dialog in the workplace is a radical act because:

It requires you to slow down, going against the pace of your work life.

It requires personal courage to avoid the tyranny of the urgent and the daily distractions you face.

It takes your undivided attention and your presence.

It isn’t considered of value and it isn’t rewarded in most organizations.

Dialog requires skill

Many of us aren’t hard-wired for dialog. It requires practice and skill development. William Isaacs, who wrote a lovely book called “Dialog and the Art of Thinking Together” says that in dialog, people are not only speaking together, they are creating together. According to Isaacs, in order to speak and create together, you must:

Listen to yourself and others without resistance and imposition;

Respect the integrity of another’s position;

Suspend your assumptions and judgment;

Speak your truth.

We all know that we need more of these things from the leaders in our organizations. Practice them. Start the dialog that needs to occur in your organization and watch music happen.

What’s one small step you can take to start a dialog today?

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. Today we feature a quote from my friend Becky Robinson, whose Weaving Influence blog is a masterpiece of beautiful prose. I admire every turn of a phrase she writes. And lucky us; she sometimes writes about leadership (but I happen to think that all of her posts are about leadership).

So take five and enjoy the inspirational quote and reflect on the questions that follow. Your comments and answers to the questions are always welcome!

It is impossible to be actively involved in influencing others while remaining impassive. Leaders choose passion instead, pushing past fatigue and apathy to leverage their energy for the good of others. ~Becky Robinson in Weaving Influence

• What creates the circumstances for you to push past distractions and choose passion?
  
• What does it mean to be passionate about “the good of others” to you?
  
• How does passion inform, assist, collude and contribute to your being the best leader you can be?

A recent comment by a reader on an older post, “It Takes Time to Make Great Leaders” sparked my thinking about whether leaders can truly “practice” the soft skills involved in leading in a deliberate way. I began to wonder if I was drawing a parallel to the work of Benjamin Bloom and Geoff Colvin that was inappropriate. Or…perhaps I’m protecting my own way of making a living by helping leaders to practice soft skills, making me unable to see the truth (if there is any in this case).

Bloom’s work is the most historic of the two. As I stated in the post mentioned above:

“Dr.Bloom found that at least ten years of hard work (a minimum) was required for athletes, performers, artists, biochemists and mathematicians to reach their peak.

Apparently, something called “deliberate practice” is also necessary during these ten years for the best people in any field to excel. This is a specific practice that stretches an individual beyond their level of competence, provides feedback on the experience, requires adjustment based on the feedback and is repeated until mastered. Lots of deliberate practice equals mastery.”

Skepticism and doubt

In a nutshell, the reader was skeptical about how a leader could deliberately practice the skills I mentioned (which were only a sample of a wide range of leadership skills: clarity in communication, setting a vision, influencing others, setting and achieving a strategy, patience and restraint, delegating effectively, giving and accepting feedback, testing their limits, creating and developing great teams – etc.) and get better at them, in the same way a baseball player might practice his swing, or a golfer his stroke.

It seems very clear to me, based on the many leaders I’ve worked with, that when leaders are able to deliberately practice these skills, they can and do get better at them in measurable ways.

I have seen measurable results using the methodology. Does it take ten years to pull all of these skills together to make a great leader? It likely depends on the context, the leader’s baseline skills in these areas, their passion for improving them, the support they receive, and a whole host of other circumstances.

I admit that if it is ever proven that leaders can’t deliberately practice and get better at leading, as someone who believes that “leaders are made”, I’ll feel that all is lost. In our increasingly complex and chaotic world, we need leaders who can continually change and take on new skills. If that doesn’t happen, there isn’t hope that the leaders of the future will be able to rise to the circumstances they find themselves in and make our organizations a better place.

What do you think? If you are an organizational leader, what deliberate practice have you experienced, and how has it assisted you to stretch and become a better leader? If you are a coach or a consultant, what have you observed in the leaders you coach?

As you begin to think about your goals for 2012, you might find yourself stumped. What new goals will you have? What would be the most effective way to upgrade your leadership (besides subscribing to this blog or hiring me  )?

We often think of the goals we need to do; that big project that needs to be completed, the performance evaluations that you want to do on time, staying under budget, or connecting with customers. We think less about goals that will help us to be better leaders

What if, for 2012, you considered some powerful character/behavioral goals? We all have personal behaviors that we can apply some effort to get better at. Perhaps you have some that you are already good at but you need to stretch yourself on. Here are some things to consider that almost EVERY leader can get better at:

Listening: This is top of my own personal list every year, and although I know I have improved, I have a long way to go. There are very few leaders who don’t need to improve in this area. Maybe you “pretend listen” and find your mind wandering – so the stretch goal would be to listen for understanding; this is the kind of deep listening that goes beyond the words you hear, and takes in tone, inflection, body language, etc. Perhaps you’d just like to ramp up the percentage of time you spend listening from 50% to 80% (this is ideal, in my book!). If you have yet to be convinced of the importance of stretching your listening skills, read Three Surprising Benefits from Better Listening.

Asking: Isn’t it time that you stopped being the source of all knowledge and became more curious? Asking questions instead of spouting answers is the twin to listening for understanding. It’s a great way for your stakeholders (your staff, manager, peers, customers) to feel heard. If you are already on the path to asking more, how about stretching yourself by asking more questions of others that will help them to learn to think more deeply? Some examples: “What values are most important to you?”, “What are your greatest strengths?”, “What is your personal/professional theme for 2012?”. (Note: questions that begin with “What” can be powerful). More tips on asking great questions can be found here and the mindset required can be found here .

Serving: Some of the best leaders take the stance of “serving others”. Perhaps you consider yourself a servant leader already; you are inclusive in your style. Consider a goal to stretch yourself by finding new or different ways to care for others (Robert Greenleaf, the father of the Servant Leadership states: “ …caring for persons, the more able and the less able serving each other, is the rock upon which a good society is built.”). Who needs your attention? What form might that attention take? Consider giving more public or private recognition; coaching or mentoring those who are ready, or a stretch assignment or project for your high potentials. How about Emotional Nourishment?

Maybe this year is your year for stretch goals in your way of being. What character traits do you need to strengthen in 2012?

Instead of “hair of the dog”, how about starting your new year out with some vitamin C (I just heard that it works to reduce the poison that build up after a night of reveling and can reduce a hangover) and the Leadership Development Carnival Best of 2011 Edition at Dan McCarthy’s Great Leadership site? You’ll find all of your favorite leadership bloggers in one place, starting 2012 off  with their own favorites from last year, including some of their own commentary on what made their posts top of their lists.

Let’s raise a toast to Dan who has hosted and “sponsored” this great carnival for several years. I’m reminded when I have the pleasure of hosting how much work (and how much fun!) it is. Thanks Dan!

For many of us, our biggest and most stressful holiday season is here. Despite all of the hype about Black Friday, Cyber Monday and Super Saturday, you may be able to keep the spirit of the holiday in your heart – year round. After all, what we cultivate and nurture inside is what others see on the outside.

Cultivate Internal Peace

The peace you feel or don’t feel inside yourself is “catching”. It is reflected to the people you lead whether you realize it or not. Why not consider some new ways to cultivate the peace inside that you’d like to see in your organization:

Don’t get caught up in the strife: It’s easy to be pulled into unnecessary conflict, or to deal with it in a way that is unproductive. Choose patience first, and then decide to use a calm and purposeful way to deal with it.

Pause: Once every hour, take a moment away from your own inner turmoil. Take a deep breath and notice what is going on around you. Stay present for a minute or two by listening to the sounds you hear; how many of them are there?

Block out time to journal, reflect, meditate, pray, listen to music or read. Fifteen minutes is all it takes! My favorite time of day to do this is at the end of my work day; it’s when I feel most stressed. What’s yours?

Express Goodwill

Goodwill is the outer expression of the peace that we feel inside. Who wouldn’t want less turmoil and more compassion in their organization? Some thoughts on expressing more goodwill:

Notice when others are doing the right things. Watch for collaboration, kindness, a willingness to go the extra mile. We seem to be hard-wired to be critical – but what might happen if you consciously look for what’s good?

Express what you’ve seen others doing that furthers goodwill. Out loud. In the moment. Thank them for it. Encourage them to continue, and to be leaders in their own way. We can all be more vocal about the good others are doing.

Celebrate goodwill. Sing it from the mountaintops, because it needs to be more common. Talk about it. Model it. Rejoice and revel in it.

May you have peace in your heart and express goodwill all year long. I am grateful that you have been my guests here. I’m taking a little time away from writing in this space, and will be back after the new year.

Look no further. These gifts will come straight from the heart and give back to you tenfold through stronger followers and organizations. They take some effort, but all are free. Your staff and your company will be forever grateful, and you will lead with greater ease. Here are my top five gifts for a leader to give to others:

The gift of understanding (them): Locked up in your office or in meetings with the “top brass” all day? No time to get to know your staff? How about strategically dropping or delegating one of those meetings and carving out regular time to get to know your staff as the human beings they are! For a small investment of your time, asking them about what they enjoy doing at work, where they think they can do their best work, and what their developmental needs are will help them and your organization to flourish.

The gift of clarity: Take a little time to formulate your vision for the organization, and for the people in it. Run it past a few trusted advisors to test it for lucidity. Then start infusing that kind of clarity into conversations that matter with your stakeholders. If their eyes light up and they begin to follow your lead as they never have before, you are on the right track. Keep talking about it. Keep assuring that they understand it.

The gift of learning: There are very few people out there who will turn away from a learning opportunity, and it doesn’t have to cost you a cent. Who could use a mentor? Don’t wait for them to ask you, offer it! Is there a special topic they’d like to learn more about (how about “leadership”? or “emotional intelligence at work?” or even “how to develop and sustain great relationships at work?”). Okay then, start a discussion group. Meet on a regular basis, and come prepared with your own learning on the topic and a few questions to get a conversation going, and you have instant and free learning for your peers, your direct reports, or anyone else you include.

The gift of inclusion: Feeling a little weighed down with all of that responsibility to develop a strategy? Holiday treats aren’t the only thing you need to stay away from – stop trying to do it all yourself! Your team will love being able to get involved in designing that strategy, and they’ll be more likely to want to move it forward when they have some say in it. Get them involved from the get-go!

The gift of thinking: This might seem like an odd one, but too many leaders talk too much, which stunts other’s thinking. Instead of talking, what if you decided to listen instead (and throw in an occasional open-ended question)? Could it be that those around you would actually think on their own for a change – and just perhaps – come up with their own perfectly customized solutions to the issues and problems they are dealing with? Help them to think, and they’ll be grateful.

My first holidays in the workplace were marked by receiving a ham from my employer. Not that I wasn’t grateful, but I’m a vegetarian, so it ended up on the table of a family member. Consider that all of the above gifts can be customized and consumed by anyone. And they don’t require wrapping!