Archive for the ‘question’ Category

A client organization graciously invited me to their semi-annual Leadership conference last week. There were lots of laughs as hundreds of organizational leaders watched The Second City hosts perform the comedic improvisations that they are well known for.

There was also some seriousness and attention to the importance of leadership too. We did plent of group interactive exercises. One exercise, a long time favorite, created a lot of buzz. I had forgotten about the energy that can be generated with the “yes….and” exercise until that day.

How “Yes….and” works

This is a great exercise to facilitate with your team if you want to generate some new ideas, or to simply emphasize the importance of supporting new ideas. Its also a great follow-on to last week’s post, “Ten Things That Will Foster Great Conversations”.  It shows what happens to the energy in a conversation when new ideas are shot down – and then shows what happens when they are supported. It goes like this:

Each person in the room pairs up with a partner. In each partner-pair, and in each round, person A describes a new idea. This can be set up by the facilitator as a real situation that needs fresh ideas   (in this case, the “pretend” scenario was, “What should our team do for our annual off-site?”). Each person in the room can find a new partner for each round.

Round 1: Person B responds to Person A’s idea(s) with “No….but/because (a reason why it won’t work)”.

Round 2: Person B responds to Person A’s idea(s) with “Yes….but (a reason why it won’t work or another idea that person B feels is more viable)”.

Round 3: Person B responds to Person A’s idea(s) with “Yes….and (support and build on A’s idea)”.

In the third round at last week’s conference, we could hardly hear our partners talk. Several hundred people supporting a partner built up to a clear crescendo, demonstrating the positive energy of building, teamwork, partnership, and support.

Try it at your next meeting. After the demonstration of “shooting down” ideas in rounds 1 and 2, your team will understand the importance of support and collaboration with round 3.

(P.S. This works well demonstrated in small and 1:1 meetings too!).

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous?  But honestly, who are you to not be so?”

~Marianne Willamson

This beautiful quote from Marianne Williamson has made the rounds. Although inspirational and with some truth, I’m not convinced that it is the full truth about what keeps leaders from reaching their full potential.

Most of the leaders I know and work with dream of making a big impact in their organizations and communities (or world!). Many (though not all) have a healthy dose of self confidence. Most have been successful, however they define it, but they know that they have more in them – a potential that is not yet realized.

So behind closed doors – what do I hear from those leaders about what prevents them from reaching their full potential? What can they do about it? My two cents worth:

They allow the unknown to get in the way of making progress: How silly, really. The future is always unknown. A leader who is moving forward is willing to accept that, define the future in their way, and be adaptable when it isn’t exactly what they thought it would be.

What you can do if the unknown is stopping you Consider what your definition of the impossible future looks like and ask yourself: What is the best possible future that I can imagine?

They refuse to accept responsibility for their part: Even the best of us get caught up in the blame game; “there’s nothing we can do, it’s all those other guys who are keeping me from becoming great”.  The possibilities are endless but when we are caught up in believing that our inability to move forward, we think all doors are closed.

What you can do if you are playing the blame game: Stop blaming others, turn that thought around and ask yourself: What can I do, regardless of what “they” are doing?

They are unable to break down the vision into actionable steps: Most leaders are big thinkers – a good thing. Yet often, they need some assistance in breaking down the vision of what it means to reach their full potential into smaller pieces that they can move forward on.

What you can do when taking action feels overwhelming:  Think about what you can do, no matter, how small, to get started and ask yourself: What is the first step I can take?

They give up too soon: Most often this comes from not recognizing that we are our own biggest barriers to success; but it can also be caused by external barriers that we don’t know how to deal with. One of my favorite quotes is, “everything looks like a failure in the middle”. It takes persistence and dedication to possibility (reaching your full potential) to get through the middle.

What you can do to keep going: Consider the barriers to your success and ask yourself: What is it within you or external to you that is keeping you from achieving your potential? What will it take for you to break through these barriers? Who can help? 

We are all powerful beyond imagination. Our potential is unbounded. What is the potential that you have yet to achieve? What’s stopping you?

You’ve read the previous post (It`s Not Them, It`s You), and you`ve figured out that your team may not be participating in conversations because of your behaviors. You may have asked someone you trust to observe you, or you may be self aware enough to know that you aren`t fostering the kind of relationship(s) with the team that you`d like ?€“ the kind where they actually participate in problem solving, strategy, and take initiative.

You are willing to take some responsibility: what is it that you can do to turn the tide? What are your private intentions for their engagement? How can you facilitate participation by your team? Your personal pledges (plan) to change the situation may look something like this:

Listen more: I will slow down and really listen to what your team is saying. I will learn to catch myself before I speak and stop cutting them off or shutting them down. I will allow silence to unfold because this means my team members are thinking. Thinking is good for them, for me, and for our organization.

Respect and thank your team for their input: I will work on my own belief that I know what is best. I know it will take courage for me to do this, but I need their input in order for us to make balanced decisions. I will not dismiss or ignore their ideas, as they may understand the situation better than I do. I will pause, think, and consider what`s good about what they`ve offered and speak about that. I will thank them for participating.

Ask open ended questions: I will ask questions that begin with the word “what” that you really don`t know the answer to. I will re-read The Art of Inquiry.

Shut up: I will stop asking questions and resist the urge to always provide my own answers. I will be curious and ask more questions. I recognize that by doing this, I will also learn some new things.

Embrace the messenger: I will stop shooting the messenger, and take Mom`s advice when it is appropriate to do so: “If you can`t say something nice, don`t say anything at all.”

Curb impatience and temper: When I reflect on my anger, I often find that impatience and temper are the manifestations of fear. I will consider the fears that may be contributing to shutting others down. I will tame my anger by hitting the pause button and taking some deep breaths to prevent it from showing.

When you are in the process of re-engaging your team, you must be consistent in practicing the above. Ask for their help and feedback to recognize when you steer off course. The changes will take time; they are simple but not easy. Find support and accountability in a trusted mentor or coach, and keep at it. In time, the conversations with your team will flow with creativity, support, and new ideas.

You`re leading a monthly meeting. You`ve asked your team members to provide their input on a topic. Unlike your teenager who at least shrugs his shoulders (or says “I don`t know”) when you ask for his opinion, you get silent stares from your team. What could be going on?

Are your team members incompetent? Do they even know enough about the subject to speak up? Don’t they know that their input is important? Actually, you may need to look to yourself and your behavior as the cause.

The behaviors you exhibit may be shutting your team down. Luckily, these behaviors can be fixed over time, increasing the liklihood that you will get the input you seek. Let`s explore the behaviors that may be preventing your team from speaking up:

• You are not listening: Are you doing all the talking? Are you shutting people down or cutting them off?  
• You have ignored your team`s input: Do you have a history of asking for input and then doing whatever you think is right anyway?
• You are asking the wrong kind of questions: Are your questions the kind that don`t foster discussion (yes/no questions for example)? Are the questions you are asking ones that you already know the answers to?
• You supply the answers to the questions: Do you ask the question and then supply your own answers? Are you allowing the silence necessary for your team to consider their answer (yes, silence can be a good thing in this case)?
• You shoot the messenger: Do you respond with your opinion (often negative) to the responses you`ve received? Do you feel the need to judge every answer?
• Are you showing impatience or temper? Does your body language indicate that you are not getting the kind of answers you want? Are you rolling your eyes or sighing when a team member responds to a question? Worse yet, are you showing signs of anger or exhibiting outbursts?

Is it possible that any of these behaviors apply to you? Ask someone you trust to observe you and provide some feedback. If you find that you are exhibiting any of the behaviors above, you need to change your behavior. You`ve lost respect for yourself and for others and are on a downward spiral. It`s recoverable. More about how to recover in the next post.

You`ve made your New Year resolutions. You`ve set some goals and created your personal/professional action plan. What`s missing? I often find that goals and objectives are only about completing tasks. A leader’s relationships need to be attended to as well, and it is rare that these are part of their goals.

People want to follow a leader that they respect and trust. It is satisfying for followers to get “things” done. But they depend on you to communicate and steer them in the right direction. And you can`t do this without exceptional communication and great relationships.

Intuitively, we know that relationships are key to leadership. When our workplace relationships are healthy, our organizations flourish, work becomes “flow” and creativity abounds!

Although research into the effect of workplace relationships on the bottom line is scant, I think we`ll see more of it. My prediction is that as more research is done, we`ll see that strong, healthy relationships are a key element in sustainable leadership and sustainable organizations.

Don`t wait until the research is out. Consider including some workplace relationship goals as part of your 2010 goals. Some ideas to get you started:

• What workplace relationships do you need to consider? Consider your manager, your peers, your employees, your clients and customers. If you are leading a public organization, consider the taxpaying public.
• Which of these relationships need to be nourished? Like our children and our gardens, our relationships at work need tending. Which relationships do you need to pay more attention to? What will you stop doing, delegate, or re-prioritize in order to make the tending of relationships a priority?
• What will strong, healthy workplace relationships look like to you? Spend some valuable time reflecting on what great workplace relationships will look like for you. What will you be doing differently when those relationships are fully nourished? What will your manager, peers, employees and organization be doing differently? What bottom-line benefits will be realized?
• What specific goals do you want to set for specific relationships? Consider individuals, teams, networks you belong to. What would you like to change about how you relate to these? How will you make the personal changes needed? For each ?€“ what is a first step you can take? What is the next step? How will you stay accountable to the changes? What will prevent you from reaching your goals?

What has worked for you in strengthening your workplace relationships?

As a leader you are the role model. Set some goals for your relationships at work that will assure they are healthy and strong, and watch others follow your lead to help create a great place to work.

• the employee who just doesn’t “fit in”
• the areas of disagreement with other departments
• the customers who just can’t understand the products or services

Mr. Isaac states that we must look for coherence first – before we make judgments. This is the art of appreciating the whole, that helps us to learn to inquire into what is, not to constantly produce what we think should be. This kind of wholistic thinking also helps us to see that all of these individuals are a part of our world, and the way they see things makes sense for them – and possibly us as well.

This kind wholistic thinking has the potential to change a divisive situation into curiousity. When a leader follows their curiousity by using inquiry, the possibiliy of creating solutions that are bigger, better, and more collaborative.

When you feel those judgments (“violent thoughts”) bubbling up, be curious:

• How are these “different” ideas part of a larger whole?
• How might these ideas serve? What benefit can be derived for my leadership and our organization?

With deliberation and discipline, turning “violent” thoughts into inquiry as a way of opening up to differences can be the beginning of the innovation that most organizations seek today.

In the current climate in many organizations, there seems to be an ever-growing legion of naysayers and grumblers. Negative attitudes can bring whole legions of employees down (remember the saying that “one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch”?).

Although a leader isn`t expected to be Pollyanna, they may find it important to keep morale up. There is a way of taking negative statements and turning them around into pure possibility; a place most of us love to visit.

This technique, often used by coaches, doesn`t always work to bring spirits up (the real “Negative Nancy`s” may stomp out of the room), but it can sometimes change an otherwise unconstructive conversation into something more positive and open a window in a negative conversation into hope and possibility. It can also break through negative judgments and assumptions. Here are some examples of the technique:

Downer comment: “We can`t possibly accomplish that.”
Your response: “If it was possible, how would you do it?”

Downer comment: “It would take too long to do that.”
Your response: “If it takes too long, how can you make it short?”

Downer comment: “He has so much going for him, but isn`t performing well.”
Your response: “If that individual isn`t performing well, how can you (or we) help him to perform better?”

Downer comment: “I can`t talk to him .”
Your response: “If you could talk to him, what would you say?”

Downer comment: “I don`t have time in my day for that.”
Your response: “If you had time in your day, how much could you spare?”

You get the picture. Try raising some spirits, hope, and possibility in your organization using this technique!

The post earlier this week on the Art of Inquiry prompted a wonderful conversation in the comments and inspired some reflection on what it takes for a leader to adopt a way of being that supports asking questions in a genuine way. The Art of Inquiry only works when the questions are asked with authenticity.

Before you adopt the stance of being an Inquiring Leader

If you don`t honestly care about the responses to the questions, or if you`ve already made up your mind about the answers, don`t bother asking. But if you truly desire to make your life easier by engaging, influencing, collaborating with, and developing your employees; then this takes internal transformation on your part.

The shifts in belief needed for a leader to be seen as genuine in inquiry aren’t trivial. They take courage. They are:

From having all the answers to a willingness to enter the unknown. When we ask the kind of questions that we don`t have the answers to, it can make us feel naked and vulnerable. We live in a world where everyone (including ourselves) seems to look to us for the answers. What a burden it is for us to put ourselves in that position! Adopting a sense of curiosity and a learning attitude are key to entering the unknown.

From putting out fires to being completely present and available to listen to the answers. The truth is that it takes more time to ask questions and to listen to answers than it does to bark out an opinion or an order. But barking isn`t exactly the way to engage and develop your employees. They will learn through thinking and doing. Questions make them think and can start the forward motion needed for them to take action.

From hoarding power to having the courage to ask the questions that will distribute power and unleash possibility. We avoid inquiry because we believe that our knowledge is a source of power and that power is in limited supply. We may think that if we ask questions that empower our employees to reflect and act for themselves that we’ve given away some of our power. In fact, power can be shared with a net gain to all. When you empower your employees through inquiry, you unleash unlimited potential for you, your team, and your organization.

Enjoy the Art of Inquiry, but understand that shifting your mindset is essential for it’s effectiveness.

A blogging friend, Steve Roesler, all around nice guy and a very wise person, writes great things at All Things Workplace, and has a new (free!) coaching e-guide out (available on his site). His post, “Do These and You`ll be Coaching” prompted me to write about my own take on how to design the best coaching questions.

As a leader, you (believe you) live in a world of answers. You (think) you`ve been paid to have answers, to impart knowledge, to tell. Your employees may have developed a habit of counting on you to tell them your answers. Yet they know the answers themselves, in their own way. They are wise too.

The greatest knowledge of all can be within the world beneath what is explicitly known, especially when it comes to unlocking the potential in your employees. This is the place where the answers are elusive to you and where your employees hold fast to their own wisdom. Their best answers are locked inside. These answers are the ones that will help them to grow and develop in the way that works best for them, for you, and will provide creative solutions for your organization.

Unlocking Potential with Questions

• Make them open ended: questions that can be answered with yes or no can halt conversation and thinking. A great open ended question can help a person to think deeper and come up with their own answers. Instead of “Do you want to learn something new?”, try “What new thing would you like to learn?”.
• Use questions that begin with the word “what” first: A great question that begins with the word “what” opens windows into thinking. Save the “how” questions for later ?€“ explore the “what” first. And ?€“ be careful of “why” questions, which can generate defensiveness. Instead of “How will you do that?”, first try “What will you do?”.
• Keep them short and simple: Complex questions that are “stacked” one upon the other are too confusing for the person you are asking. Keep them short and simple ?€“ these are the most powerful. When you consider helping your staff to stretch and develop, try “What are you passionate about at work?”.
• Ask questions that you don`t know the answer to: People can smell leading questions a mile away, and they often have the tone of a mini-lecture. But those that we don`t know the answer to are wonderfully positioned to help you learn, and are often those that will help your employees to learn too.
• Ask questions with a neutral tone and without judgment: The question “What were you thinking?” could be asked in several ways with several different meanings. If you are truly curious and don`t want to appear as if you are judging, make sure it is asked in a neutral tone of voice.

  After asking the question, one of the most important things you can do is to listen to the answers. And then listen some more. Steve Roesler couldn`t have said it better: “The act of listening after a question is a gift that few people get. Listening shows respect. When it comes from “the boss” it’s an indication of trust in one’s ability to problem-solve.” Beautifully said, Steve.

Our guest post today is written by my esteemed friend and colleague, David Chinsky, of David Chinsky & Associates. His new blog will be one to watch, and is called The Fit Leader.

Watching my clients interact in team meetings provides me with numerous examples of how people tend to get “furious rather than curious” when they disagree with something someone else has said. Many of us jump too quickly to let a colleague “see” why they are wrong, and how their logic is faulty.

Perhaps we do this because we want to be viewed as being smart ourselves and on top of things. Perhaps we have just been waiting to catch this one person saying something that we can refute. Regardless of why we do it, whenever we choose to disagree first and ask questions later, our colleagues often feel attacked, become defensive and simply dig in their heels more deeply in support of their original position.

What is the alternative to this downward spiraling interaction?
A better way to engage with colleagues is to be curious. That’s right! If someone says something that you do not agree with, or even that you “know” is incorrect, begin with a question. And, not just any question. Ask an open-ended question, one that can’t be answered with a “Yes” or “No”. The secret is to come from a “place of not knowing”.

Most good open-ended questions begin with a “What” or “How”. For example, “What will the outcome of your suggested solution have on the underinsured population?” or “How do you see this new policy working on the weekends”?

When you look closely at these two questions, you can see that I am concerned with how the proposed solution might play out in certain circumstances. Rather than just coming out and saying why I don’t think the solution is practical, however, I come at it from a place of curiosity, where I invite my colleague to think more deeply with me about the consequences or implications of his or her thinking.

When I follow this approach, I accomplish several outcomes. First, and foremost, I don’t initiate the common defensive reaction that usually accompanies pushback. Instead, I am simply engaging in conversation that is motivated by my interest in learning more about the other person’s approach or thinking. Others are often more than willing to help educate us about their thinking.

The second outcome of this “asking questions” or “being curious” approach is that learning is advanced and encouraged. By asking clarifying questions, everyone is encouraged to take the proposed solution to a deeper level where we are able to test it and make sure it holds up under pressure. Often, the more robust ideas and most practical (read, implementable) solutions are those that include the ideas of multiple team members.

A third positive outcome of this approach is that team members begin to see and appreciate the value and importance placed on their individual ideas. When individuals repeatedly are beaten down when they offer up their ideas, they quickly learn to keep their ideas to themselves.

In an environment where others are quick to disagree and shoot down perspectives of others, the flow of ideas quickly comes to an end. This unfortunately prevents the best ideas and solutions from being developed as everyone advocates for their own point of view by trying to weaken the strength of others’ contributions.

When team members instead choose to be curious, they invite others to continue sharing their ideas willingly and to keep their contributions at a high level. As a result, the conversations around the table change dramatically for the better, and the number of good workable solutions begins to increase. Everyone wins when we choose to be curious, not furious.