Archive for the ‘kindness’ Category

A while back, I had written a post on whether kindness should be a leadership competency. Whether you believe kindness should be a required trait of leaders or not, it is an aspect of being human that most people appreciate.



Children`s wisdom in knowing the art of being human came back into my view with a post by Tarah, a very smart and kind third grader who wrote about “How I Respect Myself and Others” (thanks to her mom, Lisa Rosendahl, also a wonderful blogger, for making us aware of the post). Tarah`s post reminded me that I was looking at my own daughter`s wise essay on kindness every day, well worth sharing with you.

In our laundry room is a framed essay written almost twenty years ago by my daughter, Briana. The paper that this essay is written on is familiar lined three-whole punch paper, and her words are written in pencil. The paper has yellowed. The words and the red smiley face stamped on the page by her teacher in the upper left corner are fading. Yet her brief essay remains a timeless reminder of her wisdom and a message for leaders in these tough times. Her words are captured exactly as she wrote them, spelling errors and all:

You should always be kind to others. If you don`t know how, here are some good tips.



If you don`t like the person, you should always be kind to them anyway. If a person came up to you and said “I hate you”, you would not like it. If someone did that to you, you would know how it felt.

I think pushing, hurting, name calling, and hurting peoples feelings should be eligal. It should be a law.



You should never call people nams, you aren`t hurting them on the outside, but you are hurting them on the inside.

Aside from her message of the importance of kindness, Briana has reminded us of the importance of empathy and the hurt our words can do to the inside of others. Put yourself in the shoes of others in your organization. What kindness might you extend to them today?

If you had asked me a few years back if I thought kindness was essential to leadership, I may have choked down laughter. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen it listed in a list of essential skills for a leader.

Perhaps we can value kindness through painfully experiencing its opposite. When I left a large company a few years ago as one of thousands being layed off following an acquisition, I wasn’t treated well on my last few days there. Don’t get me wrong; I’m grateful for my years at that company, but was left with a final memory that could spoil a great career if I had let it.

This memory rears its ugly head from time to time – especially now, as I see thousands of employees losing their jobs. It’s safe to say that I wasn’t treated kindly.

The instigator of the bad experience was one person who was going through his own hell, wondering if he was going to have a job the next day. Stress does not make good bedfellows with kindness. When we’re under the extreme stress that a deep recession can cause, kindness can barely get any air time in brains and hearts that have been hijacked by worry. There are ways to encourage kindness in ourselves, though.

You can be firm and kind at the same time

Sure, in these tough times, I don’t advocate that you give up being firm. Firmness is essential too. It may be easier to be firm as you are dealing with the brunt of the recession – layoffs, pay cuts, and keeping your organization or business afloat.

However, when we are under stress, we either focus too much on the tasks to be completed or we turn inward, becoming overly focused on ourselves and our situation.

Being kind might be more essential than it has ever been.

The reasons for being kind are more compelling than ever. Geoff Colvin, author of The Upside of the Downturn, says “When the downturn ends, everyone will remember how your company behaved in the dark days.” They will also, more sharply perhaps, remember how YOU behaved in the dark days.

How can you be kind to others during the dark days?

Take care of yourself first. Really. Sounds a little strange when we’re talking about being kind to others. How can you possibly be kind to others when your health – mental and physical – aren’t at their peak?

Figure out what you might be able to control in your life outside of work (since you may be feeling like you can’t control much at work). Use that gym membership, get a therapist or a coach, increase the time you spend with your loved ones, meditate, pray, enjoy life in whatever way fulfills you.

Then you can focus on the needs of others in your organization or business. The oldest trick in the world for finding fulfillment is to help others. Like you, your employees and peers may feel fearful and powerless. What role might you play in easing that? What action can you take that will assist others in developing some control over what they can?

So when employees want to talk about what they are experiencing, listen with kindness. It will help you to be more human. And in the end, kindness will cost your organization and company less than its opposite.