Archive for the ‘judging others’ Category
Beginner's Mind and Heart: Starting Fresh With Others
August 10th, 2009 | 
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This is a follow up to a recent post, Beginner`s Mind: Seeing the Trees for the Forest which received a lot of interest and some great comments. Thanks to Monica Diaz`s (@monedays) Twitter campaign #OtherEsteem about valuing others, I began to consider how “being a beginner” might apply to people we`ve judged negatively – maybe even harshly.)
Cultivating a beginner`s mind and heart when it comes to valuing the gifts that others bring to our organizations and communities is truly an essential skill for a leader. We are paid to make strategic judgments but there are times ?€“ especially when it comes to judging those around us ?€“ that we need to act as if we are meeting others for the first time, and without negative judgments.
In what way is your negative judgment of others serving to create and sustain your relationships? In many cases, it may be holding you back. Exchanging the judge in your head for valuing the other`s gifts in your heart is a skill that will serve you and those you lead. In fact, it may be one of the best ways to lead, to create results and followership.
I`ve never believed that the old saying that “first impressions last” is true. First impressions are only our first judgments of another, and these can change. Once we open our mind and hearts to those whose first impression we`ve judged, relationship magic can happen.
- Consider those around you. Ask: Whom have I judged negatively? How might my judgment be impacting my leadership?
- Truly open yourself to observing those you`ve judged. Ask: What have I not seen that is good? How might I focus on that individual`s positive traits?
- Listen and ask: What intrigues me about this person? What surprises do they hold
- Stay calm when your triggers are pulled by those you`ve judged negatively. Ask: What is the message that this person is trying to convey? Might it just be a different way of expressing it than I`m used to? How can I help to uncover and learn more about the message?
- Keep working at all of the above: If the relationship with this person has been significantly damaged, it may take time to repair. Have patience, and continue to work at the above.
Most people we have judged are simply seeing the world through their own lens of history, beliefs and knowledge. If we take the time to listen and ask some questions about their view, we may learn from them. This learning may be the beginning of helping them to bring their unique gifts to our organization, community and world. Isn`t that a big part of what leadership is about?
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