Archive for the ‘introspection’ Category

Courage is a favorite topic when experts write about leadership. Often the kind of courage they write about is the big, bold stuff of legends: climbing Mount Everest and leading the team down safely in intrepid weather; safely landing a plane on the Hudson River; turning a company around against long odds.

I can`t deny that this kind of courage inspires me. However, there is another kind that inspires even more. It`s behind the scenes ?€“ and we tend to miss it. It doesn`t get headlines. It is not considered big, bold, or legendary. But yet it is HUGE in terms of transforming your leadership.

Before I describe this kind of courage, let`s consider that the word “courage” comes from the French word for “heart”. This kind of quiet, invisible courage is the kind that I am blessed to observe in the best leaders through the work we do, and it comes from the heart. And not coincidentally, it is this type of courage that encourages a leader to create and sustain the relationships required to do the big, bold stuff of legends.

What is this type of courage?

So what is this “type of courage”? Are you ready? The quiet, hidden courage that I am speaking of is the courage to look at oneself and make the changes necessary to be a legendary leader. Seems kind of anti-climactic compared to landing a plane on the Hudson.

But yet ?€“ I know leaders (and you do too) who are in self-denial about their bad or mediocre behavior. Or others who are unwilling to take a look at themselves through reflection, assessments or feedback from others.

Courage to look at yourself sustains you for the big stuff

Choosing the path of leadership is a personal (as well as professional) journey. It requires a great deal of toughness, persistence, and heart to make it work. It is a never ending path that takes ongoing learning, including some of the hardest lessons imaginable; sometimes against all odds. The best leaders know themselves well, and this knowing gets them through the tough times.

I`ll bet that Capt. Chesley Sullenberger, the courageous pilot who landed the plane on the Hudson, has done the courageous work of introspection. I`d wager a bet that he`s had the courage to look at and understand his strengths and gaps. I`m willing to bet that knowing those strengths and gaps were instrumental in his ability to stay calm and to save many lives.

So choose the leadership path with care. It isn`t easy. In order to be great at it, you must look inside and do the inner work required. And this requires great courage (the quiet kind).

We all have a lot of stuff floating around in our heads about who we are, how we relate to the world, how important we are, what we could do better, etc. Pay attention, because the stories you tell yourself about yourself are the clay that molds how you show up as a leader.

These stories may not be flattering. Or, they may be the substance of legends. Either way, they are OUR stories, and they don`t always mesh with what we want or how others may see us. But they are important for one big reason: we need to know if they are worth keeping or if they must be changed. For now, I`d like to address the stories that may prevent us from realizing our full potential as leaders.

When I hear clients say “I can`t do this or that” or “that`s just the way I am”, I know there is a story behind those statements. It might be a belief that change is not possible. It might be that there is no desire to change. When I ask about that story, it starts a conversation that will stick and help my clients to become more aware of what they are telling themselves ?€“ about themselves.

When we illuminate (literally, “to make lucid or clear; to enlighten, as with knowledge”) the stories we tell ourselves, a window opens that allows us to make a decision to continue to believe the story or to change it to something more powerful. These stories are the beliefs that shape us as leaders and as individuals.

There are ways to become aware of the essence of these stories. Some are able to observe themselves in real time. If that isn`t possible for you, any or all of these ways of illumination will assist:

• 360?° Feedback: obtaining confidential feedback using an assessment that compares your responses with those from your employees, boss, clients, or peers can be very helpful in comparing how you see yourself (your stories) with how others see you.
• Ask: asking people you trust to give you the straight scoop on what they observe is always helpful. Ask specific questions about what they observe ?€“ “Did I appear confident in that presentation?”. “What did you observe about how I dealt with that employee?”.
• Journal/write: generally, writing will appeal to introverts. But this doesn`t have to be a big deal if you are intimidated by writing. A few minutes each day asking yourself “What is the story I told myself today?” with bullet point answers will suffice.
• Self-Assessments: Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, DiSC, the Enneagram ?€“ there are thousands of these. They all provide a catalyst for thought about the stories we tell ourselves. Spend time with your report results and see what surprises you (surprises might illuminate your stories).

Illuminating ?€“ becoming aware ?€“ of our stories is the first step in deciding if we want to keep them or change them. Part II of this series about the Stories We Tell Ourselves ?€“ Deciding, will follow. In the meantime ?€“ your thoughts on how you become aware of your own stories are welcome!

Abraham Lincoln is known for leading the transformation of our nation. I`ve heard that he was once asked how long it took him to write the Gettysburg Address. He replied, “All my life.”

Lincoln was an introspective man. It is easy for me to believe he would have been unable to write the Gettysburg Address without looking inside himself first. And I don`t doubt that introspection is a precursor to great leadership; great leaders seem to make a habit of it.

Lincoln was uncommon in his willingness to look inside himself in order to be the best leader he could be for our nation. As we look around today, it is uncommon to find truly great leaders ?€“ those who are willing to make the effort to be introspective and to understand who they are and how to use that to make the greatest impact.

Knowing ourselves and what we want out of our life, understanding our leadership skills and the effect we want to have on the lives of others ?€“ these require us to look inside. We must turn over the rocks in our soul to find what is hiding underneath. We must look for what is good and what isn`t within ourselves to act with integrity in the way we lead. And we must know what we need to change to lead effectively.

Yet we pull away from looking inside. Either we feel it`s too difficult to look, we are too busy getting the stuff done that (we think) takes priority or we would rather look elsewhere. The world pulls us to look outside ourselves for answers. Without tasks to do and problems to solve, we feel useless. We spin and spin, looking for answers. Yet, if we slow down and listen to ourselves, we may find that the answers are within us.

The world is waiting for us to bring out the best of what is inside us. The world desperately needs great leadership. It needs us to understand what is important ?€“ to make the changes needed that will provide the strength and energy for us to do great things.

It`s not possible to know ourselves if we don`t stop and take the time to look at the good and bad, the beautiful and the ugly. The only way I know to make that happen is to have dedicated “sacred time” to reflect and look inside. If indeed this is important, it will become a priority and a regular part of your day.

So slow down. Take a few deep breaths. And listen to yourself. Take the time needed to reflect, to gain new perspective. Find a friend, colleague or coach to reflect with. And watch yourself become the best leader you can be.