Six weeks ago, I was in major physical pain throughout my neck, back and legs. It was taking over my life ?€“ so I (finally) made an appointment to see my doctor. He prescribed pain killers, muscle relaxants and physical therapy. The pills made me loopy and tired, so I stopped taking them, but the physical therapy had promise, I thought. Here was a prescription that I could actively engage in and have some control over.

Swallowing My Dose of Humility

At the first meeting with the physical therapist, I declared exactly what I expected from her assistance. “My insurance doesn`t pay for physical therapy, so I`d appreciate your short and efficient version of rehabilitation and then I`ll be on my way.” I expected that in two or three sessions I`d be good as new.

The physical therapist meekly replied that my back problem was chronic and that it may take more than that. “Fine” I thought. “Then I`ll just beat the odds”. I just knew that if I did everything in my power, I`d be pain free and back to my life, including the gym in 2-3 sessions.

So here I am. Six weeks later, with pain in retreat (but still present), I am continuing the physical therapy 2-3 times a week. Well beyond the original self- envisioned 2-3 total therapy sessions. Although religiously doing my part (regular and focused exercises), I am humbled that this is one goal that can`t be met in my timeframe. I should have known better ?€“ a quick fix to a chronic issue just doesn`t work.

Applying lessons learned to leadership

This brings me back to many of the lessons my clients learn (sometimes from me). A humbling reminder that “those who teach do not always do”. What are the lessons?

?· There is no quick fix for chronic situations: My back took decades to get messed up. Realistically, patience is the name of the game for this kind of injury. Applying this lesson to leadership: The messes that a leader has made, or inherited, take time to make right. Just because there is a strong desire to get things done quickly, doesn`t mean it will happen in the leader`s timeframe.

?· Control can be an illusion: I really thought I had control over how quickly I would heal. Truth is, I do have some (exercise, rest), but overall, patience is the name of the game while my body takes the time it needs to heal. Applying this lesson to leadership: There are certain things (most things in organizational life) that we have very little control over. The best we can do is to influence well and control our own reaction to the uncontrollable.

It`s humbling to be reminded that we are fallible but also a springboard for reflection on learning about what is or is not possible. A dose of humility can be a very good thing!

These are the clients who don’t call a coach on their own – their manager calls. These are the clients who have developed bad habits around the way they treat others. Generally, I only take those clients on who will be given a chance to succeed. Their manager feels that they can and will make changes. When I interview the potential client, I hear them taking responsibility for their behavior (rather than blaming everyone else).

Sometimes, these clients have anger issues. Sometimes they micromanage. But in the end, if I take on a client like this, it is because I’ve had a glimpse of their humanity. When the door is closed, and it is just the two of us, they are not a “bad boss”. I can see that what has worked for them in the past is not longer working for them , and that the workplace is a tough place for them to make the changes on their own. Sometimes, I see their pain (and the workplace, lets face it, can be quite painful. A leader is often exposed and on display in such an environment, making it even harder to change behavior).

I open myself to seeing them as a person who wants to change but needs some support to do so. So in the end, they are just like you and I – they see a need to change and are willing to work hard to make it happen.

The lesson I’ve learned from this is (and you can too) is that leaders are human. Many “bad bosses” aren’t evil – they are simply human. They want to change just like you and I. My mother used to say, “they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else”, reminding me that someone I’d just complained about was human, too. What might be different if we could all recognize the humanity in each other in this way?