Archive for the ‘feedback’ Category

Leadership can be quite a journey. We have good days and bad days (and weeks, months, years). In the end, they all contribute to our learning. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all experiences that we can reflect on and learn from. Many of them “happen” quickly to us, providing us with a chance to react and do our best to change course.

Yet there are some things that we need to be intentional about improving. And one of them is us. You know, the self-development- that- forces- us- to- look- at- ourselves- and- do- things- that- will- force- us to- step- out- of- our- comfort- zone stuff.

Leaders must purposefully put themselves in a position where the discomfort of personal change (for professional and organizational good) makes them sweat. Sounds a little painful, but its one of those “it’ll be good for you” things.

We all have something we need to change about the way we behave. Some of us have lots of those. Consider the feedback you’ve received from your manager, your peers or your employees. What gives you pause?  Choose one or two big  things to work on that you are passionate about changing; don’t shy away from the tough stuff. Stretch yourself. If beads of sweat break out on your forehead, you are ready. Then: 

1. Write it down: I’m a big fan of writing out an action plan. What steps will you take? How will you know that you’ve succeeded? When do you want to achieve these goals?
2. Find a way to stay accountable: Oh, the intrusions of the ever-urgent, more important things to do. Following through is so hard. Many leaders find that a mentor or a coach can keep them on track. Many ask their staff and peers to hold them accountable. Whatever you decide, the “check in” with the people who are holding you accountable should be frequent. 
3. Take action: Take a step every day. Yes, every day. The more you “practice”, the better and faster you’ll hit your stride and form new habits (that’s when you stop sweating).
4. Get feedback: Ask those who observe you to provide specific feedback. How did you do? What can you do differently? 
5. Reflect: Post-action reflection is essential! Journal, talk with your coach or mentor, but daily reflection on the strides you make and the adjustments you still need to make is important for progress. 
6. Adjust: Make the necessary adjustments in your actions. Sometimes we “over correct” and need to pull back; sometimes we just need to step it up a notch. 
7. Do # 3, 4, 5 and 6 again: Keep it up. Keep practicing, reflecting and adjusting. You’re on your way! 
8. Celebrate your success: What will you do to celebrate? Who will you invite (hint: consider the same stakeholders whom are giving you feedback and are holding you accountable). Let me know where I can meet you – I love celebrations! 

Congratulations, you met your goals! What do you need to work on next? When will you get started?

The comments received on the previous post, “Bad Manager or Flawed Human?” were insightful and thought-provoking. I would like to thank everyone who took the time to express their passion about the subject. There is so much more to say. This post is my own follow up to the conversation in that post about “it won’t do any good to address the behavior of my manager”.

Many of us want to be able to turn to one another in our communities and workplaces with dialog that will further the healthy relationships that help us, our leaders and organizations, to grow. How can this happen if we don`t take some personal responsibility for addressing the behaviors of managers that harm us and ultimately destroy “the greater good”? By choosing to abstain from addressing this behavior, we benignly participate in the the unhappiness, if not the immorality, that we see around us.

Our responsibility transcends our fear

There is no reason for “feedack” conversations to be one-way (manager to employee). Just because we think it won’t change anything, is not the real reason. If we look beyond that excuse, we know the real reason is our fear. The structure and culture of our organizations have perpetuated this. Yet, our personal responsibility to take action must trancend our fear. Our workplaces cannot ever get healthy if we don’t begin the dialog with the offending manager.

I am not suggesting confrontation. I am suggesting dialog. This is a key distinction, because confrontation is grounded in anger. Dialog is grounded in our own passion for making our workplaces and our world a better place.

Why should we feel powerless to speak to our managers about their poor behavior? What is the worst that could happen?

Rejecting an opportunity to have a conversation with our managers about their poor behavior doesn`t change a thing. Having a dialog at least has a chance at catalyzing change.

Where to begin

So when you are tempted to complain or take a raincheck on the chance to initiate a difficult “feedback” conversation with your manager, ask yourself:

• What is my fear?
• What is my role in this situation?
• What is the most productive action I could take?
• Is there risk in taking that action?
• Even if there is risk, is there possibility that my willingness to address the situation will catalyze a change?
• What am I willing to do?
• How will I start?

Ask for permission to have the discussion with your manager (“May I offer you some suggestions?” ” Would you be willing to listen to some feedback?”). By starting the conversation this way, you are not offering unsolicited feedback ?€“ 99.99% will answer “yes”. This is where listening and growth begins because they are now accepting ownership for what you have to express. Then say it with kindness and respect because your manager is not a bad person. They are a flawed human just like you.

Yes, it`s hard. Yes, there is some risk. The potential benefits of your dialog outweigh the risks. This courageous conversation is your responsibility.

Note: I would also encourage you to watch Bret L. Simmon’s excellent video blog series on The Courageous Leader.

Last week, I ran into someone I hadn`t seen in quite a while. After getting caught up on what he`s doing, this is how the conversation went:

Him: So what are you doing now?

Me: I`m an executive coach. (I always wait for a reaction after that statement, secretly enjoying the all-too- frequent blank stares and then the question – “so what does an executive coach do?”).

Him: Oh, so you work with bad managers. Let me tell you about mine?€¦..blah blah blah.

And so he goes on about his manager with the poor behavior, how it`s driving him crazy, and why did “they” put her in a management position anyway?.

I`m not shocked because I hear it all the time. Sometimes I`m even approached by a client`s direct reports who hope I`ll pass along their complaints to my client (I won`t, and tactfully suggest that they speak to the manager themselves).

Aren`t we all flawed?

There are some really terrible managers out there. Luckily, they are a minority (although all of the bad boss stories would make us believe otherwise). More often than not, the people complaining about their “bad manager” are talking about some less than stellar behaviors exhibited by a decent person who is not very self aware. More often than not, these poor behaviors aren`t serious derailers. These are the behaviors of a human being who is flawed, like you and I.

None of us is perfect, so why should we expect our managers and leaders to be?

Do poor behaviors mean “bad manager”? Can “poor behaviors” change?

Managers and leaders are being observed and judged more than others. Our expectations are understandably different for people in those positions. So when those unsavory behaviors show up in managers, we notice them more and we tend to be more critical of the individuals exhibiting them (especially when they are our manager).

Instead of complaining to me, here is what you can do

The best thing you can do for your manager with poor behaviors is (a) to believe that they can change and (b) give them feedback about what you’re observing. By labeling them as “bad managers” or “bad leaders”, you’ve effectively withdrawn your support and lost hope for any change in their behavior. This doesn`t serve you or your organization well.

So the next time you want to tell me about your “bad manager”, please just tell me that you have a (good) manager with some poor behaviors. Then we can have a conversation about what you can do to help them correct those behaviors. If you are willing to step into that dialog with your manager, there is hope that they can become a better ?€“ maybe even great – manager.

You`re leading a monthly meeting. You`ve asked your team members to provide their input on a topic. Unlike your teenager who at least shrugs his shoulders (or says “I don`t know”) when you ask for his opinion, you get silent stares from your team. What could be going on?

Are your team members incompetent? Do they even know enough about the subject to speak up? Don’t they know that their input is important? Actually, you may need to look to yourself and your behavior as the cause.

The behaviors you exhibit may be shutting your team down. Luckily, these behaviors can be fixed over time, increasing the liklihood that you will get the input you seek. Let`s explore the behaviors that may be preventing your team from speaking up:

• You are not listening: Are you doing all the talking? Are you shutting people down or cutting them off?
• You have ignored your team`s input: Do you have a history of asking for input and then doing whatever you think is right anyway?
• You are asking the wrong kind of questions: Are your questions the kind that don`t foster discussion (yes/no questions for example)? Are the questions you are asking ones that you already know the answers to?
• You supply the answers to the questions: Do you ask the question and then supply your own answers? Are you allowing the silence necessary for your team to consider their answer (yes, silence can be a good thing in this case)?
• You shoot the messenger: Do you respond with your opinion (often negative) to the responses you`ve received? Do you feel the need to judge every answer?
• Are you showing impatience or temper? Does your body language indicate that you are not getting the kind of answers you want? Are you rolling your eyes or sighing when a team member responds to a question? Worse yet, are you showing signs of anger or exhibiting outbursts?

Is it possible that any of these behaviors apply to you? Ask someone you trust to observe you and provide some feedback. If you find that you are exhibiting any of the behaviors above, you need to change your behavior. You`ve lost respect ?€“ for yourself and for others ?€“ and are on a downward spiral. It`s recoverable. More about how to recover in the next post.

Last year, when I had 3 or 4 readers for this blog , I published a Leadership Wish List for 2009. Most of you haven’t seen it. And, most of my wishes remain unfulfilled, but I’m quite patient. So, I’ve updated it a bit, adding some new thoughts and reposting. What would you add?

1. For leaders to slow down and be intentional about the work they do. Being swept away by “busy-ness” can be responsible for poor decisions. Reflection time, journaling, prayer, meditation ?€“ whatever ?€“ are the stuff behind the building of great leadership.

2. For followers to take an active stand against leaders who use their power to advance themselves to the detriment of the “greater good”. Followers create leaders, and get what they vote for, agree to, and follow. Its time to consider the the role we all play in ineffective and unethical leadership.

3. For leaders to “get” that they must listen, ask, delegate, empower, develop others. How different it would be if all leaders just chose one of these to add to their leadership skills (how cool would it be if we all listened more?).

4. For leaders to understand that when they do the stuff in #3, they don`t have to work so hard, and that they can focus on doing the things that will make them great (developing and communicating a vision, influencing others, etc.). Amazing stuff, that list in #3. Try it, and consider what you will do with your free time.

5. For leaders to get into the regular habit of requesting feedback from others. And then listening without judgment to the feedback, saying “thank you” and deciding whether to take action on it. Even if the feedback received is less than fully honest (not unusual), it shows others that a leader is willing to improve.

6. For the “tipping point” that is needed for all leaders to realize that they must stop micro-managing the tasks and become facilitators of process. In other words, let go of the need and the act of control. Hire and lead the right people, and stop trying to make them do things your way.

7. For organizations to focus their development efforts and dollars on their best leaders. Even in these times, organizations are throwing their training dollars around and allowing anyone to tap into them. Focus those dollars on the few who are already great (but want to get greater) and notice the amazing effect it has on business.

8. For leaders to truly embrace the concepts of “work-life” balance, not just with their talk, but with their actions. Horror stories abound of long-term “required” twelve or fourteen hour days. A leader will get the most out of people if you trust them to “get the work done” and encourage them to assure they are “balanced” between work and other activities. And?€¦.how about modeling balance yourself?

9. For leaders to learn to listen to themselves. To stop and listen to that little voice that lets them know when they are on the right track (or off the track).

10. For the press to concentrate on writing about leaders that are doing the right things. How uplifting and inspiring to hear stories about good leadership! I know they`re out there! I`ve met them, you`ve met them, and they are the quiet ones we don`t hear about that are changing lives.

11. For the word “leader” to be reserved only for those who are working for the greater good. Unethical and immoral leaders who abuse the power they’ve been given don’t deserve the title of “leader”. Those who follow and support evil leaders should remember their responsibilities too – see #2 above.

12. For organizations to start supporting and promoting the leaders who get the “people stuff”: promoting those who have been successful only on the basis of their knowledge and achievement isn’t doing our organizations any good. Leaders must have the “soft skills” as well as be knowledgable and results-oriented.

How about you? What are your “leadership wishes” for 2010?

Lisa Rosendahl of Simply Lisa fame commented on the previous post, Coaching vs. Feedback, asking for the distinguishing characteristics between coaching and mentoring. I had this post in mind already when she asked, and also wanted to add consulting into the distinction mix. My thanks to my dear friend Mary Sue Reining of the Reining Leadership Group who helped to clarify these distinctions in a booklet we co-authored for our clients called “Working With Your Executive Coach”.

My intent is for the leaders reading these posts to be able to make the appropriate distinctions, and to spend their organization`s dollars wisely when a choice must be made. Also a bit selfishly, executive coaching remains a bit of an unknown entity in some circles, and by making these distinctions, I am able to defend and promote my profession (“calling”) and passion for coaching ?€“ not necessarily for myself but for all of the good people out there who think they might be interested in working with a coach.

Coaching is often considered a form of consulting, although there are differences in delivery and client experience. Coaching can also be closely aligned with mentoring. The differences and similarities (as I see them; this, as all of my posts, are meant to stimulate discourse, including disagreement!) between coaching, consulting, and mentoring are highlighted as follows:

Executive Coaching:

• The focus is primarily on an individual within the context of the organization in which they work.
• The goal is behavioral change and professional/personal development.
• The foundation for dialog is inquiry for self awareness, action, and accountability.

Consulting:

• The focus is primarily on an organization, but may take individuals within the organization into account.
• The goal is organizational change and/or development.
• The foundation for dialog is to leverage expertise, to give advice and recommendations.

Mentoring:

• Focus is primarily on an individual within the context of the organization.
• Goal is learning and support for the individual
• Foundation for the relationship is to give advice, provide support, and make introductions.

You may be thoroughly confused by now. These don`t fit neatly into completely distinct entities. They overlap and weave. Hmm?€¦..what term would you use to describe doing all three at the same time?

So often “coaching” is used as a buzz term for almost any kind of interaction in the workplace (and everywhere else. Who would have thought there would be such a thing as a “knitting coach”?).

The term has been confused, misused, misunderstood and blasphemed. This is unfortunate, because coaching is a powerful skill for leaders to have in their tool kit.

Yet, coaching is hot everywhere, and especially in the workplace. Executive coaches are a popular choice for developing high potential employees and working with senior leaders. More to the point, many organizations consider the skill of coaching as an essential core competency for their managers. These organizations understand that coaching can foster development and learning culture.

Coaching is hard to define, because it’s a skill that borrows from teaching, psychology, consulting and other professions. But I find that in the workplace, “coaching” is most often confused with “feedback”, and “advice”. To help make the distinction, here are some differences between coaching and feedback:

Coaching is:

• Focused on future behavior
• Developmental
• Inquiry oriented
• Used to help the better performers move ahead by releasing potential in a way that works best for the individual AND the organization

Feedback is:

• Focused on past behavior
• Evaluative
• “Telling” or “Advice” oriented
• Often used to help poor performers change behavior in a prescribed direction in a way that works best for the organization

In the end, coaching is about “letting go” of advice-giving and assuming the person being coached is whole, smart, and understands the best direction to head in. When we give feedback, we believe that the person we are giving feedback to requires our advice to figure out the actions they need to take.

There is a time and place for feedback, as there is for coaching. But they are not the same.

The previous post walked you through how to ask for and receive feedback. You`ve asked for it, you`ve received it with grace, and now – what do you do with it?

You have two choices.

The first is to reject it. You may not agree with what you heard. Why act on something you disagree with? After all, it`s an opinion. However, tread lightly here. Give this feedback some time to settle ?€“ you may find some truth in it and decide differently later. Check out your tendency to reject the feedback with someone you trust.

The second is to decide to do something about it. What actions will you take? Some ideas:

• Gain clarity around the feedback you`ve received. You can return to the original feedback-giver and ask additional questions. Ask others you trust for their input, too.
• Consider actions you`ll take. For some, talking it with a mentor, advisor or coach helps. Thinking out loud and asking for advice on the actions to be taken can be helpful. For others, journaling and reflecting on what you heard and the actions you can take are preferable.
• Find a way to stay accountable as you take action. Although many are self-motivated, others of us may need the structure of “reporting in” to someone on a regular basis as we work our way through. Writing it down, in the form of an action plan, can help to solidify your intent (sharing the plan is even better!).
• Ask for help from your staff, manager, and peers. Let them know what you are working on, and request that they assist in some way: ask them to let you know when you have strayed from your path or when you are following it.
• Adjust as necessary. Continue asking for feedback, and adjust your action accordingly, until it fits just right for you.

As I look back on what I’ve written above, there seems to be a theme: the power of a support structure of trusted advisors cannot be underestimated! What have you found to be useful in taking action on feedback?

We all have a lot of stuff floating around in our heads about who we are, how we relate to the world, how important we are, what we could do better, etc. Pay attention, because the stories you tell yourself about yourself are the clay that molds how you show up as a leader.

These stories may not be flattering. Or, they may be the substance of legends. Either way, they are OUR stories, and they don`t always mesh with what we want or how others may see us. But they are important for one big reason: we need to know if they are worth keeping or if they must be changed. For now, I`d like to address the stories that may prevent us from realizing our full potential as leaders.

When I hear clients say “I can`t do this or that” or “that`s just the way I am”, I know there is a story behind those statements. It might be a belief that change is not possible. It might be that there is no desire to change. When I ask about that story, it starts a conversation that will stick and help my clients to become more aware of what they are telling themselves ?€“ about themselves.

When we illuminate (literally, “to make lucid or clear; to enlighten, as with knowledge”) the stories we tell ourselves, a window opens that allows us to make a decision to continue to believe the story or to change it to something more powerful. These stories are the beliefs that shape us as leaders and as individuals.

There are ways to become aware of the essence of these stories. Some are able to observe themselves in real time. If that isn`t possible for you, any or all of these ways of illumination will assist:

• 360?° Feedback: obtaining confidential feedback using an assessment that compares your responses with those from your employees, boss, clients, or peers can be very helpful in comparing how you see yourself (your stories) with how others see you.
• Ask: asking people you trust to give you the straight scoop on what they observe is always helpful. Ask specific questions about what they observe ?€“ “Did I appear confident in that presentation?”. “What did you observe about how I dealt with that employee?”.
• Journal/write: generally, writing will appeal to introverts. But this doesn`t have to be a big deal if you are intimidated by writing. A few minutes each day asking yourself “What is the story I told myself today?” with bullet point answers will suffice.
• Self-Assessments: Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, DiSC, the Enneagram ?€“ there are thousands of these. They all provide a catalyst for thought about the stories we tell ourselves. Spend time with your report results and see what surprises you (surprises might illuminate your stories).

Illuminating ?€“ becoming aware ?€“ of our stories is the first step in deciding if we want to keep them or change them. Part II of this series about the Stories We Tell Ourselves ?€“ Deciding, will follow. In the meantime ?€“ your thoughts on how you become aware of your own stories are welcome!

A post, “Don’t Get Caught Naked“, solicited a comment from a reader expressing disbelief at how blind some of them can be about their faults. (“I just don’t understand how some leaders can be so blind!”).

There are plenty of reasons for this, one of which is that they don’t ask for feedback in the first place. Here are some reasons why this is hard:

• It takes a lot of courage: it takes a great deal of courage to ask for feedback. Some of the most courageous leaders in other areas of their work are unwilling to ask “how am I doing?” because they fear the answers. However, if they don’t ask in this way, they will eventually get feedback in other, less pleasant, ways.
• Listening to, and reflecting on, the feedback they’ve received doesn’t come naturally: Without a doubt, it is hard to listen to negative feedback about ourselves. Even when the feedback is overwhelming on the side of reporting our strengths, we tend to focus on, and get parlyzed by, the negative comments. And we shut down, becoming defensive or worse. The chances of our asking again are nil.
• They don’t know what to do with feedback they receive: This is not an uncommon dilemma. Once it is received – so what? As a recipient of 360 degree feedback that was literally dropped on my desk (“here, read this”), I can attest to the importance of human support to interpret and design action around the results.

All of the above can be remedied by getting support and designing a plan with a friend, peer, manager or coach. Most leaders are well meaning, desire to improve themselves and really want feedback that they can take action on. It’s the ones who really don’t care about getting feedback that concern me the most!