Archive for the ‘conversation’ Category

Sometimes, all the things you`ve heard and learned about “effective communication” just don`t work. You can use the tips and techniques you`ve read about in those books about tough conversations, do the things you`ve learned in that leadership class on effective communication ?€“ and yet, it just doesn`t work the way you thought it would.

Perhaps your expectations are too high. People aren`t like machines, where you can tighten a loose screw and voila! Everything is fixed. The human machine is much too complex for our communications to have a predictable effect. However, you may be able to increase your odds of having a great conversation (if not predictable) by examining your intent before starting the conversation.

With practice, this will assist in aligning your intent with what comes out of your mouth.

Here`s one way to begin:

Find five minutes of quiet, uninterrupted space. Sit down, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths. With your eyes closed, ask yourself:

• What is my commitment to this relationship?
• What outcome from this communication might best serve myself and the individual (employee, manager, peer) I need to have a dialog with?
• What do I need to do or say to make sure that my words are aligned with my commitment to the relationship?

Open your eyes, take a few more deep breaths and take some notes. This could be the beginning of a great conversation!

Having regular, real conversations is one of the most important things a leader can do. We underestimate the exquisite power of conversation to assure that our followers are aligned. Instead, we are driven to move faster, to take action NOW. Yet, for a leader, conversation is a form of action. By taking the time to listen and dialog, you make way for employees to take the “right” actions.

Is it possible that an employee may be underperforming because she isn’t communicated with? Perhaps, you haven’t spent the time you need talking to her to assure she’s on the right track? Assuming that “someone at their level should know” is faulty. Organizations are complex, and communication is less than ideal. Interpretation of communication varies by the experience of the individual (their “mental models” or “filters”). They may not “know”.

Your followers are yearning to talk to you. To know that they are:

1. On the right track: doing the right things, making the right decisions.

2. On the wrong track: getting off course, needing to readjust

3. Aligned with the vision: you have talked to them about the vision, right?

4. Being listened to: you are hearing their ideas and using them

5. Trusted: you believe that they are fully capable

6. Understood: you “get” them and are appreciative of their uniqueness

7. Sure that you “have their back” when the going gets rough

I don’t disagree that conversations take time. But they can be worth every minute. Slow down and relish the results that occur from having conversations with your employees.

Yesterday, I spoke with a client – a senior leader – who was discovering the power of allowing silence to unfold in a conversation with someone on his team. Lets call it “strategic silence”. He is finding that staying silent (particularly following a great open-ended question) is not only an act of respect, it allows the other person to think through a more complete response and fosters the relationship. And, ***wonder of wonders*** when he gets a more complete response, understanding and greater learning (on everyone’s part) is enabled.

When a leader is having a tough conversation, it is important that he/she “hold back” and be strategic about silence. I know the tendency for many is to jump into silence (often with the answer), but consider the pause that pays off here. Stop and allow silence to be a important part of your important conversations.