Archive for the ‘coaching’ Category

You’ve had an eleven hour day from hell.  There was no whitespace in your schedule, as usual. Everyone wanted a piece of you, meetings were plentiful and contentious, and the vague plan you’d had to do something productive just got filled up with other less-than-productive things.

Exhausted, you get into your car for the drive home. When you walk in the door, you say hello and head upstairs to change out of your office attire. Then it hits you. Silence. It’s quiet. You close your eyes, and it feels wonderful; you sit on the edge of the bed and drink it in for a few minutes. Amazingly, your usual energy returns and you are ready to face the evening with more moxie.

What if you could allow some of that wonderful silence into that crazy work-world of yours? Silence may be just the thing you need at work to have your long days feel more energetic.

Silence is a tool to get more energy

Silence is an important tool that leaders can pull into their day if they are intentional about it. The excuse that you “just don’t have time” is no longer valid when you know that quiet and calm can renew and refresh you. How can you get gently put more silence into your work day to increase your moxie?

Arrive at work early: Arriving a few minutes before the hustle and bustle starts is a smart strategy for increasing your leadership moxie. Close your door, don’t turn on the computer (yet), and use the time to prepare for your day. What do you want to accomplish? What are your priorities and intentions for the day? Write them down and refer to them throughout the day.

Block out time for silence: It doesn’t need to be much – five or ten minutes will do. If you listen to your body rhythms and know the times of day when your energy is at its ebb, block out some time then to just listen to the silence. Close your office door, turn off the lights, forward your phone, silence your Blackberry, sit comfortably away from your desk, if possible (to avoid temptation to work) and breathe. Listen to the silence and notice your breath as it fills and empties your lungs.

Shut up: You really don’t need to fill every pause in conversation with your words. Allowing some silence to unfold also allows thought for everyone in the conversation (and thinking is good). Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first, but being conscious of pausing and allowing some quiet in the dialog will make it better and more creative. You’ll get over the discomfort. And I promise that if you wait long enough, someone will speak and the words that come out will be insightful.

I want to know; in what other ways can silence bring some moxie into your workday?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous?  But honestly, who are you to not be so?”

~Marianne Willamson

This beautiful quote from Marianne Williamson has made the rounds. Although inspirational and with some truth, I’m not convinced that it is the full truth about what keeps leaders from reaching their full potential.

Most of the leaders I know and work with dream of making a big impact in their organizations and communities (or world!). Many (though not all) have a healthy dose of self confidence. Most have been successful, however they define it, but they know that they have more in them – a potential that is not yet realized.

So behind closed doors – what do I hear from those leaders about what prevents them from reaching their full potential? What can they do about it? My two cents worth:

They allow the unknown to get in the way of making progress: How silly, really. The future is always unknown. A leader who is moving forward is willing to accept that, define the future in their way, and be adaptable when it isn’t exactly what they thought it would be.

What you can do if the unknown is stopping you Consider what your definition of the impossible future looks like and ask yourself: What is the best possible future that I can imagine?

They refuse to accept responsibility for their part: Even the best of us get caught up in the blame game; “there’s nothing we can do, it’s all those other guys who are keeping me from becoming great”.  The possibilities are endless but when we are caught up in believing that our inability to move forward, we think all doors are closed.

What you can do if you are playing the blame game: Stop blaming others, turn that thought around and ask yourself: What can I do, regardless of what “they” are doing?

They are unable to break down the vision into actionable steps: Most leaders are big thinkers – a good thing. Yet often, they need some assistance in breaking down the vision of what it means to reach their full potential into smaller pieces that they can move forward on.

What you can do when taking action feels overwhelming:  Think about what you can do, no matter, how small, to get started and ask yourself: What is the first step I can take?

They give up too soon: Most often this comes from not recognizing that we are our own biggest barriers to success; but it can also be caused by external barriers that we don’t know how to deal with. One of my favorite quotes is, “everything looks like a failure in the middle”. It takes persistence and dedication to possibility (reaching your full potential) to get through the middle.

What you can do to keep going: Consider the barriers to your success and ask yourself: What is it within you or external to you that is keeping you from achieving your potential? What will it take for you to break through these barriers? Who can help? 

We are all powerful beyond imagination. Our potential is unbounded. What is the potential that you have yet to achieve? What’s stopping you?

Leadership can be quite a journey. We have good days and bad days (and weeks, months, years). In the end, they all contribute to our learning. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all experiences that we can reflect on and learn from. Many of them “happen” quickly to us, providing us with a chance to react and do our best to change course.

Yet there are some things that we need to be intentional about improving. And one of them is us. You know, the self-development- that- forces- us- to- look- at- ourselves- and- do- things- that- will- force- us to- step- out- of- our- comfort- zone stuff.

Leaders must purposefully put themselves in a position where the discomfort of personal change (for professional and organizational good) makes them sweat. Sounds a little painful, but its one of those “it’ll be good for you” things.

We all have something we need to change about the way we behave. Some of us have lots of those. Consider the feedback you’ve received from your manager, your peers or your employees. What gives you pause?  Choose one or two big  things to work on that you are passionate about changing; don’t shy away from the tough stuff. Stretch yourself. If beads of sweat break out on your forehead, you are ready. Then: 

1. Write it down: I’m a big fan of writing out an action plan. What steps will you take? How will you know that you’ve succeeded? When do you want to achieve these goals?
2. Find a way to stay accountable: Oh, the intrusions of the ever-urgent, more important things to do. Following through is so hard. Many leaders find that a mentor or a coach can keep them on track. Many ask their staff and peers to hold them accountable. Whatever you decide, the “check in” with the people who are holding you accountable should be frequent. 
3. Take action: Take a step every day. Yes, every day. The more you “practice”, the better and faster you’ll hit your stride and form new habits (that’s when you stop sweating).
4. Get feedback: Ask those who observe you to provide specific feedback. How did you do? What can you do differently? 
5. Reflect: Post-action reflection is essential! Journal, talk with your coach or mentor, but daily reflection on the strides you make and the adjustments you still need to make is important for progress. 
6. Adjust: Make the necessary adjustments in your actions. Sometimes we “over correct” and need to pull back; sometimes we just need to step it up a notch. 
7. Do # 3, 4, 5 and 6 again: Keep it up. Keep practicing, reflecting and adjusting. You’re on your way! 
8. Celebrate your success: What will you do to celebrate? Who will you invite (hint: consider the same stakeholders whom are giving you feedback and are holding you accountable). Let me know where I can meet you – I love celebrations! 

Congratulations, you met your goals! What do you need to work on next? When will you get started?

There are times when a leader must refrain from giving advice and offering opinions; yet such restraint is difficult. After all, you’re paid to provide solutions….aren’t you? So you don’t pause to consider, in the moment, about whether it’s appropriate to give your opinions and advice. When asked, your mouth opens and you speak your truth without considering the consequences.

And so it continues. Opinions and advice are provided, and your staff keeps coming back to ask for more. You’re wearing down under the burden of being the person with all the knowledge. You’ve dug yourself into the answer-person hole and it seems too deep to climb out of. To quote an old commercial, “It’s a vicious cycle!” Do you really want to work this hard?

It’s flattering, but is it wise?

It’s certainly flattering to give your advice and opinions. Excuses I often hear from leaders for doing so are, “they asked me for my opinion” or “my staff expects me to tell them.” Stop and consider if this habit of is really serving you and your staff at this time and for this situation.

The truth is that leaders must give advice and opinions. The wisdom to be learned in this is discernment about when to give answers and when to guide (or coach).

Less-experienced staff may need more from you; your opinions and advice will be valuable as they are learning about the organization and your expectations. As they learn and develop, you will need to let go and let them grow by guiding (coaching) them, rather than providing your solutions.

Support your staff in finding their own solutions

When you support your staff in developing their own solutions and opinions, you’ve not only supported their growth, but you also free up yourself to do work that has a higher priority for you and your organization.

So before you spout off those solutions and opinions, ask yourself:

• How does it serve me and those I lead at this time to be the answer person?
• What does this situation call for?
  • Is my advice and opinion needed, or
  • Do I need to guide them instead?

It’s freeing to help others find their own solutions. Your staff wants to develop and discover the best ways that they can serve the organization, and you want to dig your way out of the answer-person hole. Perhaps now is the time to consider “guiding” rather than “telling”.

My husband Ken and the best leaders have a lot in common. At first glance, one wouldn`t think so. He is a nurseryman, and close to the earth. A somewhat unusual leader, perhaps. He has owned and operated Oikos Tree Crops, a specialty plant nursery for almost thirty years. It took several years from the purchase of the property his nursery was to be built on, to the selling of his first trees. My husband is a patient man and one that organizational and business leaders can learn from.

In the time between purchasing (or cultivating stock for) seeds, Ken must nourish the soil, nurture the best plants and market what he has to sell. Many trees take several years, and some never make it to market for a variety of reasons (despite his best efforts); inability to grow, undesirable traits, and outside influences such as the weather, to name a few. Ken loves the “hands on” work of developing nursery stock to sell. It requires great patience to wait for stock that is suitable and ready to be sold – several years, in fact. And yet, he knows that he cannot control everything or always force the plants he cultivates to have the traits he wants them to have; so he nurtures the best qualities in his plants, even if they are unexpected.

Likewise, great leaders understand that nurturing talent takes time and patience:

Nourish raw talent: Start with an employee who has a willingness to learn. An attitude of eagerness to learning new skills, and a willingness to try new things are an indication that you have a winner. Look for unexpected strengths. Nourish strengths by rewarding and celebrating their successes. One of the least used methods to encourage others is to simply let them know you appreciate them, what they`ve done for your organization, and to thank them. It doesn`t cost a penny, yet others are longing for encouragement. Take a moment to recognize that talented employee for being on the right track.

Nurture the best: Spend your time nurturing the best. Once you`ve determined that a special employee has a willingness to learn, coach them. Coaching is, in a way, a nurturing activity. Help them to understand where their strengths will benefit the organization and where their weaknesses must be moderated. Provide them with opportunities to shine and develop by using their strengths.

Market talent: Part of your responsibility is to “market” this talented employee. Give them credit for their success, publicly. Let others know how lucky you are to have such talent in your organization. Allowing your talented employee to take short term or a long term “stretch” assignment elsewhere in the organization is good for them and good for you. Although it may ultimately mean that this employee has grown beyond the boundaries of their current position and needs to flourish elsewhere, it may be the right thing to encourage them to go.

All of these development activities take time and patience. The effort and care you take in developing your talented employees will pay off in the long run.

Lisa Rosendahl of Simply Lisa fame commented on the previous post, Coaching vs. Feedback, asking for the distinguishing characteristics between coaching and mentoring. I had this post in mind already when she asked, and also wanted to add consulting into the distinction mix. My thanks to my dear friend Mary Sue Reining of the Reining Leadership Group who helped to clarify these distinctions in a booklet we co-authored for our clients called “Working With Your Executive Coach”.

My intent is for the leaders reading these posts to be able to make the appropriate distinctions, and to spend their organization`s dollars wisely when a choice must be made. Also a bit selfishly, executive coaching remains a bit of an unknown entity in some circles, and by making these distinctions, I am able to defend and promote my profession (“calling”) and passion for coaching ?€“ not necessarily for myself but for all of the good people out there who think they might be interested in working with a coach.

Coaching is often considered a form of consulting, although there are differences in delivery and client experience. Coaching can also be closely aligned with mentoring. The differences and similarities (as I see them; this, as all of my posts, are meant to stimulate discourse, including disagreement!) between coaching, consulting, and mentoring are highlighted as follows:

Executive Coaching:

• The focus is primarily on an individual within the context of the organization in which they work.
• The goal is behavioral change and professional/personal development.
• The foundation for dialog is inquiry for self awareness, action, and accountability.

Consulting:

• The focus is primarily on an organization, but may take individuals within the organization into account.
• The goal is organizational change and/or development.
• The foundation for dialog is to leverage expertise, to give advice and recommendations.

Mentoring:

• Focus is primarily on an individual within the context of the organization.
• Goal is learning and support for the individual
• Foundation for the relationship is to give advice, provide support, and make introductions.

You may be thoroughly confused by now. These don`t fit neatly into completely distinct entities. They overlap and weave. Hmm?€¦..what term would you use to describe doing all three at the same time?

So often “coaching” is used as a buzz term for almost any kind of interaction in the workplace (and everywhere else. Who would have thought there would be such a thing as a “knitting coach”?).

The term has been confused, misused, misunderstood and blasphemed. This is unfortunate, because coaching is a powerful skill for leaders to have in their tool kit.

Yet, coaching is hot everywhere, and especially in the workplace. Executive coaches are a popular choice for developing high potential employees and working with senior leaders. More to the point, many organizations consider the skill of coaching as an essential core competency for their managers. These organizations understand that coaching can foster development and learning culture.

Coaching is hard to define, because it’s a skill that borrows from teaching, psychology, consulting and other professions. But I find that in the workplace, “coaching” is most often confused with “feedback”, and “advice”. To help make the distinction, here are some differences between coaching and feedback:

Coaching is:

• Focused on future behavior
• Developmental
• Inquiry oriented
• Used to help the better performers move ahead by releasing potential in a way that works best for the individual AND the organization

Feedback is:

• Focused on past behavior
• Evaluative
• “Telling” or “Advice” oriented
• Often used to help poor performers change behavior in a prescribed direction in a way that works best for the organization

In the end, coaching is about “letting go” of advice-giving and assuming the person being coached is whole, smart, and understands the best direction to head in. When we give feedback, we believe that the person we are giving feedback to requires our advice to figure out the actions they need to take.

There is a time and place for feedback, as there is for coaching. But they are not the same.

I have a wise friend who has been a community and business leader for a while. She is currently running a successful nonprofit. Even though I`ve known her for a fraction of her working life, I`m sure that she`s had a career full of success.

There are many reasons for her successes, including hard work, deep dedication, a purpose, vision, and passion for what she does. But there is one other, perhaps the most important ?€“ she has always believed in the potential of her employees. How do I know this?

A simple, profound truth

Because of something she said to me recently with great conviction:

“I`m quite certain that most employees don`t come to work to do a poor job.”

I wrote it down, because it was such a profound, simple truth. It also happens to be a truth that all leaders should embrace.

What this tells me

What this tells me is that she has made a habit of believing the best in those she leads. She has coached the ones who are falling behind and is willing to put in the time and effort to help them step up to someplace greater than the spot they are in.

It tells me that she starts from a place of knowing that, with some effort and dedication, those who follow her will find that they are capable of so much more than they are doing.

It tells me that when these employees make a mistake, she is willing to see it as a learning opportunity. She knows that they will do better the next time.

It tells me that those she is leading they are lucky to have her in their lives. She sees that there is great potential waiting to be unleashed in them.

It tells me that, instead of coming from a place of assuming the worst in others, she assumes the best, and she is ready to watch possibility unfold in that direction.

I`ll bet she`s seldom disappointed.

When I had an idea about a post I wanted to write about what executive coaches want from their HR partners, I thought it would be interesting to get a view from a seasoned HR pro on what HR wants from the executive coaches they contract with.

Dan McCarthy is just that guy. He works at a Fortune 500 company as the Manager of Leadership and Management Development, writes the well respected Great Leadership blog and has become a blogging friend. We are co-posting our different views at the same time, so be sure and stop over at his site too for his, What HR Wants From an Executive Coach. We`d love for this to be a conversation, so please leave comments at either or both sites.

1. Hire the best coaches you can find.

Before you contract with a coach, ask for references, business experience, training, credentials, the ethical and confidentiality code they follow, and anything else that is important to you and your organization. Coaching requires a process and a communication skill set that is different from consulting, therapy, and other helping professions. There are low barriers to entering into the profession and coaches who`ve worked hard to get experience and build a reputation appreciate the time and effort you put in to make sure you contract with top-notch coaches. Your due diligence in hiring the best will reflect well on our profession.

2. Understand that you get what you pay for; don`t attempt to choke an experienced coach on their fees.

Experienced coaches cost more. It may well be worth it, as you are paying for their experience (including years as an executive, training, and years of coaching execs in similar situations) which can actually save you money through the results they can help your executives achieve. And don`t expect a coach to be in and out of a coaching engagement in one or two meetings! It can take months for an individual being coached to make sustainable change. An experienced coach should be able to work with the client to make changes in the least amount of time necessary, possibly saving you money on the length of the engagement.

3. Discuss your role in the coaching engagement with the coach before it begins.

Some HR professionals will want to keep in touch with the coach as the process rolls out. Others may prefer to take a back seat. Having full agreement ahead of time will prevent misunderstandings. Collaborate with the coach if you are the process owner, and trust that they know what they are doing from their experience. Most coaches will appreciate your involvement and collaboration in the process.

4. Don`t ask a coach to work with someone you are going to fire anyway.

We don`t want to work with your worst so that you can make the case that you`ve tried everything. This would be akin to throwing money away, and it`s not fun for us to work with these people; in fact, the best coaches will refuse such a gig. It`s better to save the money for the recruiting fees you`ll need to spend for this individual`s replacement or for someone who has great potential to move up in your organization.

5. Hire a coach for motivated executives.

Executives and high potentials who need polish, need to achieve a professional goal, and who are motivated to work with a coach are the best candidates. Never make working with a coach a condition of employment or promotion; they must want to work with a coach without feeling coerced.

6. Ask the person being coached how the experience is going.

Stay on top of things. Ask the executive if they are getting value from the experience of being coached. Find a way to ask the coach to make adjustments, if necessary, based on what you heard. If there are problems, let the coach know. This will help to serve the executive and your organization best. And the coach wants to be successful too, so your interest and suggestions will create a partnership that can only work for their betterment too.

7. Don`t expect the executive coach to divulge confidential information or opinions about the client(s) they are coaching.

General information, such as where they are at in the process, can be requested. But questions such as “are they making their goals?” or specific details discussed in meetings with the client should not be requested. The executive coach should be following a code ethics requiring confidentiality and will not answer these questions. Better to ask the client or the client`s manager about specifics.

8. Don`t blame the coach if the executive being coached leaves your company.

It is not unusual for an executive to leave their company after being coached. They may have had some new insights while being coached and may find that they just aren`t the right fit for your company. This is not the coach`s fault ?€“ it is an occasional outcome of the coaching process and a decision made by the executive.

Coaches: What else do you want from HR? HR: What do you want from coaches? Add your thoughts to the Great Leadership post, too!

Last week I had the pleasure of attending the sixth annual conference of the Professional Coaches Association of Michigan. For the first time since the start of this organization, I went as a non-board member. It was my time to relax, balance, observe, learn and (most importantly) enjoy the support of my “tribe”.

There is renewal in connecting and reconnecting with like-minded people. Coaches are dedicated to helping others. But for these two days each year, we get to help ourselves to the balance and support of a community that cares deeply about our profession and each other. I am proud of the community that this organization has evolved into. The roots of community in this organization go deep into its beginning.

A little history lesson…

Six years ago, a small group of coaches from across the state connected with each other to talk about having a state-wide conference for coaches. We were a small community of like minded people who wanted to support each other, connect, and learn. We had no idea what we were doing, but knew that with the connections we`d made to each other and the dedication to our profession, it would work.

We each agreed to contribute a little over a hundred dollars to provide funds to start the first conference. I have fond memories for those early meetings where the group mission was shared, and support for each person as an individual was a given. The first conference was a success. Afterwards, we attended an “Advance” (not a retreat) at David Chinsky`s beautiful home on Lake Huron, and sketched out the beginnings of an organization whose values are Leadership, Service, Community, Collaboration and Abundance. All of these were evident last week.

It continues to work for us

Last week`s conference showcased the growth and professionalism of coaching in our state. I am grateful that the current board and conference planners have kept the original spirit and values of this community alive. The professional polish was there, but more importantly, the feeling of connection and community has not been lost. We help each other. We give more than we need to each other, but it works for us.

Coaching can be lonely business. Many of us do our work alone. The support we receive from a community of like-minded individuals is essential to our staying balanced and feeling supported.

Leaders: where do you go to assure your balance and support?