Archive for the ‘behavioral change’ Category
The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Part III, Manifesting Change
September 8th, 2009 | 
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In Part I of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, we explored how to discover (get clarity, “illuminate”) the stories that may hold you back. In Part II, some questions were offered to help you decide if you wanted to make a change to those stories. We’re in the home stretch with this post; it’s time to talk about making the change.
Assuming that you are committed to changing your story, these four words will help you manifest the changes you wish to make to the stories you tell yourself: partner, plan, practice, patience.
Plan: Create a written action plan, beginning with your goal; what is the new story you want to tell yourself? Work with your partner to create some action steps, measurements, and timelines. For those of you who have managed projects, this may look very much like a personal project plan. Meet with your partner on a regular basis to discuss progress and update your plan, which has now become a “living document” for changing your story.
Practice: In building your action plan, you`ve likely discovered some new behaviors you`d like to try on that will further your progress. Writing them down is important. But even more important is to try some of them, see what works for you, and practice, practice, practice. Your partner should be asking how the practice is going, and helping you to make any adjustments to your action steps. As you practice, you are building new habits ?€“ and new neuronal connections in your brain. When those connections are complete, you no longer need to “practice” ?€“ the new habits become automatic.
Patience: Have patience as you make changes to your stories. Be relentless and committed, but be kind to yourself as you begin to create a new story. Understand that others may not see your new story as quickly as you feel they should; feedback from those around you may lag behind your image of how you are changing things. Have faith that the process works.
What new stories are you creating about yourself? Who will you partner with to plan, practice and assure success? What will your leadership look like as you manifest these new stories?
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Paying Attention to Your Impact
My friend and colleague Donna Karlin asked a question the other day that has lingered with me: “Are you paying attention to the impact you are making?”.
In my business, it is important that I pay attention to how I impact my clients in order to assure that I am not interfering with the results THEY want. Donna’s question is a great reminder for all leaders to remain vigilant about their behaviors.
The Importance of Behavior to the Impact You Make
It isn’t uncommon for leaders to be oblivious to their behaviors and the impact they have on others. People are watching – closely. Leaders tend to get scrutinized more closely than others. This can result in seemingly minor behaviors getting interpreted in a big and occasionally unintended way. The impact of the behavior can be much larger than expected.
When we become aware of these behaviors and the impressions they make, a whole new world of becoming intentional about how we show up and impact others can open.
Some Real Examples
Jane was learning to allow her employees freedom of decision in how their work got done (her intent was to let go of micromanaging). In the beginning stages of learning to “let go”, her employees were reading her facial expressions and body language as disapproving while at the same time, her words were encouraging. At best this misalignment was confusing – at worst, it was damaging to her team and the results they needed to achieve.
Chris couldn’t commit to keeping our scheduled coaching meetings. Every meeting was rescheduled at the last minute. I asked him if there were other commitments in his life and work that he wasn’t keeping. Bingo. Upon reflection, he realized that this was a pattern, resulting in others’ perceptions that their needs were lower priority than whatever the crisis of the moment was.
Both of these leaders needed to take notice and take action to assure that their impact was in alignment with what they intended it to be. The relationships they had wih those around them were eroding.
Change the Behavior, Change the Impact
Luckily, these two really wanted to make changes to the behaviors that were causing problems. The behavior changes they made were able to change the impact on others to one that was positive. This may be easier said than done. But simply put, Jane aligned her body language with her words, and Chris kept his commitments. These changes have resulted in positive impact on the relationships they have – presumably a much better situation for them and their organizations!
We all want to make a positive impact. It is important to know the behaviors that impact others and change them when necessary. Seeking feedback is one way to be informed of these behaviors. For some, self-observation, observing the reactions of others, and reflection work.
Are you paying attention to the impact you make?
