Archive for the ‘bad boss’ Category

Last week, I ran into someone I hadn`t seen in quite a while. After getting caught up on what he`s doing, this is how the conversation went:

Him: So what are you doing now?

Me: I`m an executive coach. (I always wait for a reaction after that statement, secretly enjoying the all-too- frequent blank stares and then the question – “so what does an executive coach do?”).

Him: Oh, so you work with bad managers. Let me tell you about mine?€¦..blah blah blah.

And so he goes on about his manager with the poor behavior, how it`s driving him crazy, and why did “they” put her in a management position anyway?.

I`m not shocked because I hear it all the time. Sometimes I`m even approached by a client`s direct reports who hope I`ll pass along their complaints to my client (I won`t, and tactfully suggest that they speak to the manager themselves).

Aren`t we all flawed?

There are some really terrible managers out there. Luckily, they are a minority (although all of the bad boss stories would make us believe otherwise). More often than not, the people complaining about their “bad manager” are talking about some less than stellar behaviors exhibited by a decent person who is not very self aware. More often than not, these poor behaviors aren`t serious derailers. These are the behaviors of a human being who is flawed, like you and I.

None of us is perfect, so why should we expect our managers and leaders to be?

Do poor behaviors mean “bad manager”? Can “poor behaviors” change?

Managers and leaders are being observed and judged more than others. Our expectations are understandably different for people in those positions. So when those unsavory behaviors show up in managers, we notice them more and we tend to be more critical of the individuals exhibiting them (especially when they are our manager).

Instead of complaining to me, here is what you can do

The best thing you can do for your manager with poor behaviors is (a) to believe that they can change and (b) give them feedback about what you’re observing. By labeling them as “bad managers” or “bad leaders”, you’ve effectively withdrawn your support and lost hope for any change in their behavior. This doesn`t serve you or your organization well.

So the next time you want to tell me about your “bad manager”, please just tell me that you have a (good) manager with some poor behaviors. Then we can have a conversation about what you can do to help them correct those behaviors. If you are willing to step into that dialog with your manager, there is hope that they can become a better ?€“ maybe even great – manager.

Ellen Weber’s blog, Brain Leaders and Learners, made me aware of this frightening New York Times article on bullies in the workplace.

As we consider a new year, I note a fair number of blog posts (including my own) about 2008, and all the leadership blunders that were in the news during the year (and it hasn’t let up yet – 2009 may be a banner year for stories about bad leadership).

Peter Block, one of my favorite writers/speakers, writes about how followers create leaders. Our initial reaction to this might be, “How can I, as a follower, possibly have any responsibility for a leader who is irresponsible, immoral or unethical?”. Let’s consider this.

In the public arena, we vote for our leaders (this may provide the mose obvious connection to our responsibility for bad leadership):

In this case, we might ignore bad past behavior before we cast our vote. We may be snowed by the public relations machine that “markets” a poor leader. We might simply vote without doing our homework first.

Worse yet, we may not vote for anyone. Complacency has it’s price, up to and including bad leaders being elected to public office.

So here is the tough one.

How can followers possibly be responsible for bad leadership in the business realm?

We tolerate them. We don’t speak up or take action to continue to assure that they don’t continue their bad behavior. Authority and power being what they are, we might fear the retribution that can come from speaking up. We prefer to avoid the risk and continue to do what we’ve always done – remain silent.

Is it possible that we sometimes need to break or silence and in so doing, step up to leadership ourselves?

At one point in my career, I worked for a man who was a tyrant, bigot and sexist (and this was in Human Resources, where good leadership should be modelled). I had talked to this man about some of his bad behavior, but to no avail. He was incapable of listening to or accepting my feedback.

I was young and had a lot at stake in my position – I was the major breadwinner in my family and felt the weight of the responsibility to provide for my young children. Yet, the situation became intolerable for myself and my coworkers, and I had concerns that the company could be vulnerable to a lawsuit due to this man.

I confided in a friend at the company and sought her advice on what I should do. She had a lot of faith and trust in the VP of human resorces (whom she worked for) and suggested I have a conversation with him. The tyrant boss reported directly to this VP. It would a huge risk for me to have this discussion the VP. I felt compelled to do something, even if I would suffer personal consequences.

So, I set up an appointment with the VP. He was caring, expressed understanding of the spot I was in, and he listened well. I assumed he talked to others. He ultimately took the tyrant out of a management position at the company (in today’s world, this individual may have been fired).

I didn’t suffer any consequences for speaking up. I stepped up to leadership through having the courage (some may call this stupidity) to report the transgressions of my boss to his boss. And the VP most certainly expressed leadership by realizing that the tyrant could not stay in the position he was in.

So, my final point is that followers can be responsible for bad leadership when they don’t step up to leadership themselves.

How have you been responsible?

Someone asked me the other day if I ever coached clients who were (for lack of a better term) “bad bosses”. I told her that I occasionally worked with people that others may consider a “bad boss”. The person who asked, remembering all the “bad bosses” she’d had, wondered how I could possibly work with these people. An interesting question, that I’ve thought about over the years of doing this work.

These are the clients who don’t call a coach on their own – their manager calls. These are the clients who have developed bad habits around the way they treat others. Generally, I only take those clients on who will be given a chance to succeed. Their manager feels that they can and will make changes. When I interview the potential client, I hear them taking responsibility for their behavior (rather than blaming everyone else).

Sometimes, these clients have anger issues. Sometimes they micromanage. But in the end, if I take on a client like this, it is because I’ve had a glimpse of their humanity. When the door is closed, and it is just the two of us, they are not a “bad boss”. I can see that what has worked for them in the past is not longer working for them , and that the workplace is a tough place for them to make the changes on their own. Sometimes, I see their pain (and the workplace, lets face it, can be quite painful. A leader is often exposed and on display in such an environment, making it even harder to change behavior).

I open myself to seeing them as a person who wants to change but needs some support to do so. So in the end, they are just like you and I – they see a need to change and are willing to work hard to make it happen.

The lesson I’ve learned from this is (and you can too) is that leaders are human. Many “bad bosses” aren’t evil – they are simply human. They want to change just like you and I. My mother used to say, “they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else”, reminding me that someone I’d just complained about was human, too. What might be different if we could all recognize the humanity in each other in this way?