Archive for February, 2012

I know what your typical day is like. I’ve not only lived it, but I’ve coached leaders who have constant interruptions when we are working together. I’ve heard employees like yours talk about how their manager is distracted. Being busy is seductive, and those distractions are “busy-ness” that can take away from your ability to be the best leader you can be. Your best nearly always happens in moments of “presence.”

Being present is a necessity for all leaders that goes far beyond just physically showing up. It is, as Halpern and Lubar explain in Leadership Presence, “The ability to be completely in the moment and flexible enough to handle the unexpected.” Presence, the opposite of distraction, invokes resilience, improved relationships, motivation and inspiration. It is generated by bringing silence into your life that is generated by going inward in order to take the journey that allows you to lead with heart to be with others in the here and now.

Ultimately, effective action depends on presence. Mark Gerzon, in his book “Leading Through Conflict,” tells of a situation where a group of executives intentionally moved through silence, reflection and presence – out of passive roles into active engagement. When asked about the connection between presence and action, a senior executive commented that the team moved out of a victim mode into becoming players because “a player has a full range of choices and a victim doesn’t.”

Silence is the foundation for being present. When we bring silence into our life, we also find that we can learn to be present with greater ease.

Ask yourself:

•    When have I felt most alive and fully conscious?

•    When have I been most effective at leading?

•    How could a disciplined practice of silence bring about a greater sense of presence in my life?

•    What improvements could occur in my leadership through being more present?

•    What will it take to bring a discipline of silence into my life?

•    What practices that bring about silence could I try? What am I comfortable doing?

You may doubt your ability to “stay still” in order to practice silence. The great thing is that you can find something that works for you. It doesn’t need to take much time. You can choose a practice that works for you, and you will notice immediate benefits in your ability to stay present.

The practice of silence is amazingly simple, but it is not easy for many of us because it takes discipline. To begin, schedule five to 10 minutes in your day to practice silence in whatever way works best for you. For example, you can write in a journal; deeply think about or reflect on a concept or value such as peace or abundance; or meditate, pray or participate in a spiritual or religious practice.

It’s not always easy to find the time, and it will take some effort to create a habit of disciplined silence. But you will find that it is well worth your effort as you increase your presence and your ability to motivate and inspire others.

My mother was a singer and dancer throughout her formative years, so as a child I was involved in dance classes; encouraged to act in school plays; and learned to play the viola and guitar. When I recently heard Jenny Scheinman, a violinist, talking about how she teaches young classical violinists to improvise, I was mesmerized. She said she can’t really “teach” improvisation, so she coaches new violinists to “let go of the seriousness” (while admitting that her teaching techniques were more therapy than teaching).

As a person who jumped through the hoops of being involved in the arts, the only place I can remember “going off script” was in the acting realm, usually because I, or someone on stage had forgotten their lines. My admiration for those who can wing it is huge. I’ve never been a person who easily lets go of the seriousness.

However, there are wonderful parallels between artistic improvisation and leadership (leadership is an art after all). As you learn to lead, you can take classes, hire a coach, read about leadership – yet when it all comes down to it much of your day is spent improvising, which really can’t be learned in the traditional sense. People are messy and unpredictable making a script useless. However, you can learn to settle into some comfort and confidence in your ability to lead when you need to go off script.

How might you get better at improvising the way you lead?

Relax and let go of the seriousness. Play a little and enjoy yourself. I must admit that seeing President Obama singing Sweet Home Chicago was a pleasure. This was true leadership improvisation that allowed us to see a different part of him – a guy who is pretty tight-laced showing us something of his humanity and enjoying himself. I don’t expect that you’ll necessarily bust out in the blues at work, but there is something about seeing a leader let his guard down that is compelling. Look for opportunities to have some fun!

Bypass the fear by learning to watch for and appreciate the unpredictable. Observe how you react, right there, in the moment when surprises happen. You are in a dress rehearsal for bigger things. What might happen if……you stepped right into a moment as the President did? Or if you allowed yourself to admit that don’t know where things are heading instead of having to be the person with all of the answers? Consider your emotional reaction to letting go of the need to know and watch the reaction of those around you.

Reflect on your reactions when things are unplanned, and ask for feedback. As you’re learning to let go of the seriousness, what have others noticed that’s different in the way you lead? Is it effective? What do you need to do more of and less of? Does your improvisation appear genuine?

What have you learned by letting go of the seriousness in your leadership?

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. Lisa Petrilli has one of my favorite blogs, jam-packed with depth and thoughtfulness. Make sure you stop over to C Level Strategies and subscribe; you won’t be sorry. Lisa is also the author of a great e-book called The Introverts Guide to Success in Business and Leadership an Amazon bestseller and an important publication for both introverted and extraverted leaders.

So take five and enjoy the quote and reflect on the questions that follow. Your comments and answers to the questions are always welcome!

“You will not be fully confident in your leadership until you are sure about who you are at your core, what you stand for, and how you want to change your part of the world.” Lisa Petrilli

• What are the changes that you must lead externally? How will you change internally in order to assure these changes?
  
• What is the first step you must take to explore who you are at your core?
  
• Who can help you?
  

Influence: L.to flow in

Almost every leader I know wants to learn more about the secret to influencing others. Influencing seems a bit ethereal, untouchable and hard to define. There isn’t a secret formula, but there is a place you can start, and it’s with yourself. Influencing others isn’t a thing that you do; it is a thing that you are. You must embody it, otherwise you are only acting and others will see through it.

You might be surprised that the ability to influence begins with you. It starts on the inside, with who you are. It takes time to understand and build from the inside out in order to influence others.

So where do you start? Always start with developing your character. Knowing yourself well, understanding your character strengths and your weaknesses is essential.

Your own experience with people who have influenced you can be your guide. You may consider a relative or a partner, a manager, or a teacher. You could start to explore your character with some questions to think about:

• Who do you think highly of?
  
• What character traits do they have?
  
• How do they influence you?
  
• What character traits do you have that you cherish?
  
• How might those traits influence others?
  
• What character traits do you need to strengthen?
  

An example

My grandmother has always been somebody I thought highly of. She was patient, kind, and a great listener. I always felt “safe” in her presence, as she didn’t judge me. She would listen deeply without saying much until I asked her what she thought. She always said something insightful. She influenced me to work hard to be kind and patient with others. Grandma had great wisdom, and I strive to follow her lead.

Although it’s been decades since Grandma died, I still think of her when I consider the character traits I want to embody and strengthen. I try to stay aware of them in everyday interactions, and to model them for my own children, my clients and others (p.s. I am far from perfect. But thinking about her and how she influenced me has been a great way to visualize my own character development and how I might influence others).

The bottom line is that influence begins inside, with strong character. What character traits do you need to begin to develop? How will you start?

A leader will often start a coaching meeting by describing an uncomfortable relationship or interaction with another person – their board chair, their manager, a peer. I hear them out and try not to judge, but admit that I often suspect what the issue is. The situation between the leader and the other person remains unfinished. The other person hasn’t had a chance to explain themselves, or my client may be making some (possibly unfounded) assumptions about the malevolent intent of the other person. This situation requires some hard work for the leader.

A common question I’ll ask the client is (are you ready for this simple but important question?):

“What is the conversation that you need to have with that person?”.

With this unbelievably simple question, a light often goes on.

Now you know. If a vital relationship with someone in your network is going south, you need to talk to them (this seems like a “no kidding” thing, doesn’t it? Simple in theory, but it may be hard to step into).

Where do you begin? Some dedicated thinking time on your part can help.

Start with your intent. The reason you want to talk with this person should be to clear the air and continue with a relationship that is open and healthy. If you are angry, upset, or blaming them in some way, cool down first. You can’t have an intent that is pure when you in these states of mind. Once you’re calm, framing your intent for a conversation that will further understanding of the other person is an excellent way to begin.

Envision the outcome. So often we avoid a conversation because we’re afraid of how it will end. Positive outcomes are possible! If this relationship is important to you, then presumably you’d like to continue it in a way that is valuable for both of you. What would you like to walk out of the door with after that conversation? How will you and the other person be feeling? What will happen with your relationship from that point forward?

Consider a question to start the conversation. I’ve noticed it is often hard to know how to start these tough conversations, and knowing how to begin can set the tone for what follows. Questions are a great way to open the dialog, and if phrased in a non-judgmental way, they help to let the other person know you are willing to listen to them. Indicating your willingness to take responsibility to improve the relationship is a beginning. How about, “What can I do to make sure that we have (trust, respect) in our relationship?”. It goes without saying that you need to listen deeply to the answer.

It’s remarkable how being deliberate about a conversation with constructive intent and positive outcomes can put a relationship back on track. Who do you need to talk to? What is the conversation you need to have?

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. Bret Simmons has one of my favorite blogs. Although I may not always agree with his views, they always make me think…..and sometimes change what I think. Today’s quote is directly from his blog called appropriately, Bret L. Simmons (well worth your subscribing, by the way), and his post called Leadership is a Choice.

So take five and enjoy the quote and reflect on the questions that follow. Your comments and answers to the questions are always welcome!

“….leaders are those that engage in the process of leadership. “Am I practicing leadership?” is a more important and less ambiguous question to me than “am I the leader?”" ~ Bret Simmons

• Are you engaged in the process of leadership?
  
• What does it mean to you to practice leadership? What do you practice?
  

I hope you don’t mind if I selfishly reflect on ten years (this month) since my life transformed and I began the work of an executive coach. In a way, this is my way of celebrating and recapping the freedom and joy I’ve felt in that time; not to mention the opportunity to work with some amazing leaders, regaining my faith that our organizations are on the right path. Will you celebrate with me?

Earlier this week, I wrote a post about embracing mystery. My life in these ten years has been nothing short of mysterious, beginning with the choice to leave the comfort of a regular paycheck and head out into the unknown as solo entrepreneur. So many things came together to support this journey, that I have no other way to explain it:

The preparation: In my 25 years in the corporate environment, I always felt as if I were being prepared to take on something that I would have passion and conviction for and that would make a difference in the world. It was often frustrating as I became impatient to know what that was. Yet every position I’d had prepared me for what I do now; they were all entrepreneurial. Never once did I take a job that had been vacated. Every position I had was new and required the skills I’ve used to start and sustain my own business.

The choice to start: I was the one who was not ever going to start out on my own. “Too risky”, I believed. When I knew I’d be leaving the organization I worked for, I was stymied. What could a “generalist” (I never specialized in anything – my knowledge and skills were broad, not deep) possibly do? Once I let go of the idea that starting a business was too risky, the right work found me- in the biggest “aha” moment I’ve ever had.

The ability to practice: My final year at the company allowed me to take some coach training and to practice within the company. I was able to coach senior VP’s and individual contributors who were struggling with their roles as the company was acquired by a much larger organization with a completely different culture. I was able to hone my skills and to develop some processes that would be helpful for my clients before I went out into the world and charged real money for what I did.

The first clients: My first paying client hired me on the spot after he asked what I did (p.s. in our part of the world, executive coaching was not a familiar entity) when we met at a networking event. He was a high profile and very public leader whom I learned many lessons from. A large and growing organization found me and completely trusted me to provide coaching services to the high potentials in their organization who were going through a leadership development program. This required a lot of business savvy I’d learned in my previous life – subcontracting other coaches, communicating and tracking progress.

So today I celebrate success; but more importantly, I celebrate the amazing people I’ve met and learned from. If you are one of those – thank you. Even if you aren’t: where are your current experiences leading you?

Judy Cannato begins her book, Field of Compassion, with a story about Nate Sears, a landscaper for a housing complex on Cape Cod. One morning he noticed a pilot whale heading straight for the shore. Shortly behind this whale were two more. Nate recognized that the whales were going to beach themselves. He waded out in the direction of the first whale as it became caught on a sand bar in waist deep water. The whale was thrashing, and its body was getting cut and rubbed raw on the sand.

Nate placed his hands on the whale and held them there. The whale became completely still. Nate then gently turned the whale around and pointed it toward the ocean, and it swam back out to sea. Nate completed this process with the other two whales. Although it is common for whales that have beached themselves to do so again, that did not appear to be the case with these creatures.

I love this story and have continued to think about it for quite a while. I believe it holds some lessons for us all:

You are the only instrument you have. Nate must have trusted his own instincts, because the action he took was calming and appropriate, saving three whales that would have otherwise perished. The only instruments he had were his head, heart and his presence as the instruments to make a change in the situation he was faced with. As a leader – more times than not – these are all you have to work with. You deal with whale-sized problems on a regular basis in which you must often be calm and trust your intuition as the only instrument in your toolkit.

We are all connected to each other and to our world in some profound and mysterious ways. It’s reasonable to think that these whales had never encountered a human before. Yet they didn’t fear Nate. They somehow sensed that he wanted to help. When he touched the first whale, there was an immediate bond of trust between them. The intention Nate set to help those whales may have passed through his head and his heart in a millisecond, but it was enough. Similarly, your intentions as a leader are often more important than the actions you take; others will sense them and they’ll color their impressions of you and impact your organization for good or for harm. Your very way of being impacts others’ way of being.

We must embrace mystery: I believe this is the most important point of the story. So much of the beauty and wonder in the world is not completely explainable with logic. There is some fascinating science that could explain what happened with Nate and the whales that has come to light through biology and physics. However, there will always be things in our world that can’t be explained. When you allow yourself to accept and embrace mystery, you also allow yourself to relax and let go. Letting go of the need to know is sometimes the most invigorating and calming act you can take, allowing you to stop striving and to simply live and lead.

Take a deep breath from time to time and observe the mystery around you. Your life – and your leadership – will be enhanced.

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. Today’s quote is from Tanmay Vora, whom I became acquainted with through the blogosphere and Twitter. What stands out on a personal level for me was the phone call I received a couple of years ago from Tanmay – he simply reached out because he wanted to use a different way to connect; it was a wonderful surprise. His blog is called QAspire, and in his words it “aims to work as a catalyst to improve quality of outcomes for knowledge organizations and businesses”. It’s well written and unique. You really should subscribe.

So take five and enjoy the quote and reflect on the questions that follow. Your comments and answers to the questions are always welcome!

Creativity isn’t always about doing something that no one has done before – but in my view, it is always about executing your ideas with great love, great joy and a deep interest. ~ Tanmay Vora

• Consider a time that you experienced flow at work or in other parts of your life. What activity were you involved in at that time?
  
  • Was there an element of creativity in the flow for you? Describe it.
    
  • What emotions did your experience of flow bring forth?
    
  • How can you enjoy more flow experiences?
    

JOEL A. GARFINKLE is recognized as one of the top 50 coaches in the U.S., having worked with many of the world’s leading companies. He is the author of seven books, including Getting Ahead: Three Steps to Take Your Career to the Next Level. View his books and FREE articles at his Executive Coaching Services website. You can also subscribe to his Executive Leadership newsletter and receive the FREE e-book, 40 Proven Strategies to Get Promoted Now!”

Want to be a better boss, a respected leader, and an admired mentor to the people under you? Once you’ve climbed the ladder to get to the top you understand that being a leader comes with responsibility. Empowering the people under you with the same responsibility can help you capitalize on your employees’ skills and bring out your team’s true potential.

Mentor and teacher, Booker T. Washington, says it best in his autobiography as he stresses the importance of empowering individuals: ”Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him and to let him know that you trust him. . . Every individual responds to confidence.”

How can you influence downward to your employees, staff and the people you supervise?

1. Trust your people with important tasks and giving them the power to make decisions. This will help develop effective leaders in your company. By demonstrating that you value their opinions, you motivate them to genuinely do more and push them to believe in themselves.

2. Encourage your staff to come up with solutions to problems. Articulate your confidence in your people and provide them with the tools they need to solve the problem, such as articles on leadership skills. By doing this, you have not only empowered your employees to become solution creators but have also made your entire team more productive at the same time.

3. Leverage employee mistakes for learning opportunities. As a leader, you’ve experienced success and failure to get to the top. You understand that both are equally valuable experiences. In light of this, embrace the mistakes that your employees make and ask them if they were to handle the task again what they would’ve done differently. Your staff will feel increasingly empowered, learn to trust their own abilities and will NOT be apprehensive coming to you when they want to try out a creative new idea. And we all know that ideas are the lifeline for any business, big or small.

By empowering your employees and instilling confidence in them, you give them the opportunity to not only experience self-growth for themselves but you can now have more free time to focus on the more important areas of your business like generating leads, meeting with clients, and impacting your bottom line.

Downward influence is the missing key to help maximize and unleash your team’s potential. You’re essentially providing them with the tools and support they need to grow the business in the direction you see it going and at the same time you’re also letting them grow with the business as they go along. It really is a win-win for all!