Archive for June, 2010

My oldest daughter graduated with a Master’s degree in English Education this spring. She is a talented creative writer and poet who is embarking on her Ph.D.  We also attended our youngest daughter’s graduation with a Masters of Science in Occupational Therapy last Saturday. Both daughters are excited about beginning their journey in the work world in professions they love.

All of this excitement and pride in our daughter’s accomplishments has fostered some reflection and a letter about what I’ve learned in my own work journey. They are lucky to find their life’s work early. I discovered mine late, but consider myself no less lucky. Here are my thoughts to them as they begin their life at work they love:

To my daughters

Dear Briana and Kelly,

I am so proud of you as you end your formal education and begin on an education of another kind; one that will last the rest of your life. This letter includes my own thoughts on the meaning of work to us as it is such an integral part of what makes us whole and human. I hope you don’t mind hearing some of my own journey on finding the work that is most meaningful to me.

Many, many years ago I was preparing to go to high school.  There was a “buzz” in the school hallways about elections for class officers.  I said to a friend who encouraged me to run that “I wouldn’t run for class office because campaigning would be a lot of work and I’d never get elected anyway”.  A teacher that I admired overheard the conversation and engaged me in a conversation about what he thought my potential was and that I should never let fear hold me back from doing something that mattered.  I ran for class officer and was elected (and was re-elected all of the following years of high school). 

Finding work with meaning can be a journey

This was the beginning of “doing what mattered” for me. For the most part, I’ve had bits and pieces of “what mattered” in my work, but it is only now that I can honestly say that I am on an accelerated path to experiencing meaning through my work.  I could wish that this had happened earlier, but wishing is of no use. I made certain choices in my life and my work, all of which are relevant and cherished. I learned from them all and each contributed to the joy in my current work. You will also make your own choices based on your own circumstances and learn from them.

I spent many years working in positions that allowed me the freedom to choose my path. I was appreciated for what I did and was paid well.  But the work I did up until now rarely stirred my soul.  I did good work but felt removed from a sense of making a difference in the lives of others, which was important to me. Yet I made good money which allowed you to get an education and for us to live well, so I’m grateful.

Eight years ago that teacher’s words came back to me and drove me to embark on work that truly matters to me. I could have settled for comfort and security in a well paying job, but chose a path that was riskier instead because it was the path of meaning. Through the choices I’ve made and the work I do with others, I know that doing what matters in your life’s work is of supreme importance to staying healthy, happy and making an impact in the lives of others. 

The lessons

Perhaps you can learn something from my own lessons. They are:

• Sometimes it takes someone else to shake us up and help us to set priorities straight. Listen carefully to the advice others give you.
• Work is life and life is work. We are meant to work, and it is an essential part of our life; why shouldn’t your work have meaning to you?
• Work should be engaging, life affirming, and joyful. It should feed your soul. Never settle for work that is any less.
• There is no such thing as work-life balance.  Work-life synergy is a term I like better. It is too hard to balance, which assumes that something is “out of balance” at any given time.  If you can discover and always keep in mind what matters most to you, you will discover the synergy that doing work that matters brings to all areas of your life.
• Sometimes you must make some hard choices that will set you on your life’s (and work) path. Reflect on them and know that you can choose to take responsibility and not just allow things to happen to you. 

Have the courage to do what matters in work and life and you will be healthy and happy. Never allow work without meaning to diminish your joy.

I love you both so much, and I admire your courage, Mom

It may seem an odd thing to ask, but are you enjoying your employees, peers, clients, and manager at work? I have a feeling that if you are, your leadership and the work of your organization is effortless. Things are flowing as they should, there is some fun in the work you do, and your stakeholders are also enjoying each other (i.e. there isn’t the whining and complaining about each other that makes a workplace miserable).

Consider some ways that you can enjoy others:

Enjoy yourself first. Don’t take yourself or your work too seriously. Can you forgive your own foibles and laugh at yourself? Some of the most engaging leaders I know are able to perfect the art of being “self effacing” and having a laugh about the peculiar things they do. This helps others to lighten up and enjoy you, too.

Look for the value that others bring to the workplace. My friend Monica Diaz calls this Otheresteem. If you can let the frustrations you have in others go and trade that in for looking for their value, you will learn to enjoy them. You might find that those frustrations aren’t so overwhelming after all.

Stop sweating the small stuff. The minor irritations that build up over a day, a week, a month or more can get in the way of our really enjoying others. This stuff is just stuff. It’s not worth stressing over if it gets in the way of developing the great relationships you need to get work done well.

Stop striving and resisting. What are you pushing uphill against? The effort it takes to strive and resist keeps us from seeing the people right in front of us who can help. Striving and resisting causes stress and makes us focus on ourselves instead of others.

Carve out time to do something (non-work) related that you enjoy. Believe it or not, there is a connection between doing something “fun” outside of work, and your ability to enjoy others. I took classical ballet lessons for several years. I’ve had clients who took guitar lessons, photography classes, flew airplanes and coached soccer. It relieves stress and allows us to be more open to others. When we are more open, we have a much better chance of enjoying our followers.

Take a breather to get to know your followers on a personal basis. Block out time to wander around. Ask some questions about what others enjoy. Then  remember the answers and follow up with them later (they’ll be impressed that you remembered). Let your hair down at a Friday lunch party; if your followers are across the globe, you can do this virtually too (how about foods from different countries for your virtual lunch party?).

Find a hidden superstar. Somewhere in your organization is someone who needs to be discovered. A hidden superstar who has their nose the grindstone and could benefit from your wisdom. Mentoring them is one of the most satisfying (and enjoyable) things you can do.

All of us, at some time in our career, have the privilege of working with a leader who enjoys us. And we in turn, enjoy that leader and the work we do. Can you remember such a time (if so, please share it with your comments on this post)?

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. So take five and enjoy the inspirational quotes and reflect on the questions that follow. 

“The practice of adaptive confidence means that we are willing to enter uncertain situations because we have a higher purpose and are confident that we can learn and adapt as we move forward”

~Robert E. Quinn

• What is your leadership purpose?
• Are you acting in accord with your purpose?
• Do you enter uncertainty with your purpose in mind?

A recent inquiry from a reader asked, “why don’t leaders just tell it like it is?”.Lets put aside the fact that there are plenty of leaders who “tell it like it is”, so the reader’s question is a generalization. Yet there is some truth to the question. Why do some leaders hold off on telling the full truth?

The messages that aren’t “told like it is” may run the gamut from individual feedback to the employee on their less-than-stellar performance to something on a broader scale (budget cuts, a merger, layoffs, etc.). The beliefs behind not telling it like it is require some exploration. Mostly, they aren’t valid.

Is it possible that you are holding off? Let’s see if we can debunk some of the myths that may be swirling around in your head about why you aren’t telling it like it is:

Bad news is unpleasant for employees to hear: This is true. Yet employees need to hear it; in fact they are begging to hear it. The longer you wait to tell them, the more unpleasant the telling becomes. Remember that the best way deliver bad news is as soon as possible, and with empathy and kindness.

There are so many things I can’t answer: While your employees may ask questions that you cannot answer, what keeps you from saying “I don’t know”? If it’s ego, there is no better time to throw ego out the door and let them know you will follow up as soon as you know (and then do it).

I don’t want to be the bad person: In service to letting people know what they need to know, you won’t be. You are telling them what they need to know. Their anger or sadness may make them dislike you for a moment, but if you are an otherwise good leader, this dislike isn’t about you. It’s about their reaction to what you’ve said.

I fear the fallout: Let them know that you are listening, that you care about them and what happens next. Ask them to help you understand how you can make the unpleasant news bearable. These things will lessen the fallout.

So, explore the beliefs that keep you from telling it like it is with a friend, a coach, or a mentor. Be open to what you discover. Are they valid? If not, you have one less reason for not telling your employees what they need to hear.

What keeps you from truth-telling?

My friend celebrated the life of his mother in law last weekend. She lived to the age of 95 and passed away last week. My friend had always spoken highly of her (unusual for a son-in-law), and even though I never met her, I figured she was special.

When I asked about her life, he explained that she was a wonderful singer and musician who had sung in a church choir for much of her life. When he had asked why she had done this for so long, she replied, “It’s a gift I’ve been given. I must give it away to others”.

I was touched by her response, and it led me to think about how leaders might respond if asked about the gifts they have and whether they are giving them away. Many of us may not be thinking about the inherent traits we have as a gift to be given to others.  We might be more inclined to be unaware of our inherent gifts or to think about giving money or material goods. Leaders, especially, need to consider the non-material gifts they have that can be given to others “for the greater good”.

The Gifts You Can Give

Let’s explore some of the gifts you may have been given or that you have developed in your time on earth. These will be the traits that come easily to you. What would it take for you to bring these to work and “give them away”?

Kindness is often absent in today’s rough and tumble workplace where we might believe it doesn’t have a place. Realize that it does belong in your everyday interactions at work, and that you must give it away in order to model the compassion you want expressed at work. What keeps you from gifting your kindness?

Inspiration when given as a gift is like the fuel that feeds the engine of prosperity for your organization. When you inspire others, they go beyond being regular to becoming extraordinary. What inspiration are you holding inside that you can provide to your organization?

Clarity allows you to sew the pieces of the reason-why quilt together in a pattern that provides understanding and releases discretionary effort on the part of your employees. When you have the gift of clarity, you must speak up so that others can also see in order to act. What is clear to you that others have not yet realized?

Gratefulness, when personally cultivated by you, is a gift that your followers need. In a world devoid of positive feedback, you can make a difference. Are you openly expressing what you are grateful for in those who follow you?

Love isn’t a word or an emotion that we admit has a place at work. Yet you have an opportunity to express it many times during a day. What do you love about your work? What do you love about your team, your organization, your customers?  Let them know.

What other inherent gifts do you have that you can give to others?

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. So take five weekly to enjoy the inspirational quotes and reflect on the questions that follow. 

“We must overcome the notion that we must be regular. It robs you of the chance to be extraordinary.” ~Uta Hagen

• What does “regular” mean in the context of your leadership role? Can you be “too regular”? 
  • Where might you be too regular in your leadership role? 
  • What would it take for you to let go of the “regular” and become extraordinary? 
• What would extraordinary look like in the way you lead?
• What one extraordinary thing could you start today? 
• How can you encourage others to let go of the “regular” and become extraordinary? 

I believe in the power of coaching others. I teach coaching skills to groups of managers regularly; every individual executive client I have gets taught coaching skills in some way or another; and of course, I practice coaching myself (I call it “practice” on purpose). I guess you could say that I think it’s important for managers to learn and use coaching skills as part of their leadership tool kit.

One of the biggest pushbacks I get from those I teach almost always has to do with the time that coaching takes. Admittedly, it can take longer to coach others than to either ignore them or to bark orders. Coaching is a methodology to help people figure things out for themselves, so you can see why it might require more time and effort than other methods a manager could use.

Let’s call using coaching skills “short term pain for long term gain”. Like a lot of things in life and in leadership, coaching others well isn’t easy and it isn’t quick. The great news is that if you are dedicated to it, and spend the time it takes there are some wonderful long term benefits for you and your employees. The major benefits are:

Self correction: People who are consistently coached well can develop the capacity to correct themselves, without you there. Having had several coaches myself, I can attest to the truth of this. I became more mindful of my thoughts and actions, and was therefore better able to “coach myself”. What a great thing for your employees, and for you! Can you imagine the day when they are no longer expecting you to figure stuff out for them because they’ve developed the capacity to do so themselves?

Ongoing improvement in performance: Once self correction takes hold, your employees will continually strive to do their best. The best will raise the bar on their own performance on an ongoing basis. Can you imagine how much easier your performance reviews will be when that happens? How about the gains that your organization makes due to the improvement in performance of your employees?

So don’t just attend that coaching skills class and complain about the time it takes. If you believe in the potential of others, you will try it. If you are observant, you will find immediate results from coaching others. Use your new skills consistently over time and you’ll reap the benefits to you, your organization and your company.

You walked into your office early today. It looks pretty much the same as you left it. The first thing you do is to fire up your computer, check voicemail, check email and grab a cup of coffee in the company cafeteria. Back at your office, you sit down to type responses to a few email messages, and then get swept up into the routine and craziness of your day. These are some of the “task” habits that we rarely think about; we’re on autopilot.

Habits like these can be good things; we don’t think of them much and they don’t tend to enter our awareness often. They free up the brain for higher order thinking, allowing it to find reserves to make tough decisions, consider critical priorities and focus on solving complex problems.

Exchanging the negative habits for the positive ones

Unlike these task habits, you may have behavioral habits that require your awareness and action in order to help you to become the best leader that you can be. In your day’s interactions, you may also have a number of behavioral habits that prevent you from becoming an exceptional leader. Some common examples:

• You allow our phone, email and other distractions to keep you from acting on priorities
• You talk too much and don’t listen enough
• You bark orders and expect others to follow without question
• You are verbally critical of new ideas
• You wall yourself off from your staff or peers; they rarely see you
• You won’t admit mistakes or apologize when you are wrong

By paying attention to your negative habits, you have started on a program for becoming a better leader. The next step is to actively work to replace those negative behavioral habits with some positive ones.

When you change the negative habits above to more positive ones, you will:

• be fully present to the individuals and the needs around you
• talk less and listen more, gaining wisdom and the reputation as a leader who cares
• become more inclusive, extending the invitation to participate, and releasing the potential of your team
• open your mind and your heart to new ideas and find nuggets of usefulness in them
• get out and connect with others and develop relationships that are important for your effectiveness
• become human. We all make mistakes. Showing your humanity by admitting them and apologizing can help you develop better relationships with your followers

Create an action plan and ask someone – mentor, friend, coach – to hold you accountable; meet with them regularly to discuss your progress and challenges. Intentionally practice these new habits daily until they are automatic and watch your leadership effectiveness increase. 

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. So take five – enjoy the inspirational quotes and reflect on the questions that follow. 

“There is no use trying,” said Alice “one can’t believe impossible things.”

“I dare say you haven’t had much practice”, said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast”.   ~ Lewis Carroll

• What impossible things do you believe in?
• What can you do to make the impossible possible?
• What will it take for you to inspire others to believe in the impossible?

President Obama was in town last night. Yes, he came to little old Kalamazoo Michigan to give the commencement speech for the Kalamazoo Central class of 2010. To make a very long short, this high school was chosen for the President’s commencement speech from 1000 entries across the U.S. because of its dedication to excellence in education. The effort to improve our schools has been a community-wide effort, that gained significant momentum with the announcement in 2005 of the Kalamazoo Promise.

It was an event that made our city, home of the Kalamazoo Promise, proud. The graduating seniors won’t forget making history by being the only high school class ever who had a sitting president speak at their commencement.

While you read the rest of this post, please put your politics aside. Consider the character of the man, the leader, who gave the speech. Barack Obama’s character as a leader was evident throughout the ceremony. He was an example to us all as we think about what it means to be a leader, but more importantly to a group of young people who had the chance to observe character first hand.

What character looked like last night

His speech was about, and for, the kids.  It was directed at them and for them. It was in many ways a typical commencement address, with attention to the graduate’s future, inspiring them to reach high and to give back.

The man who gave the speech is the President of the United States, who could have used the stage to talk about anything, but he didn’t. It was a night for the kids, and he made sure it was for them. That’s character.

He thanked the salutatorian and the valedictorian, using their names. He referenced something specific and personal that he had learned about each of them. That’s character.

He was the last in line to shake the hand of all 280 graduates, standing behind the principal and the superintendent of schools. He spoke to each graduate (I don’t know what he said). He could have chosen to sit out the tedious task of standing up and shaking each graduate’s hand. He did not. That’s character. (p.s. many of the kids wanted to hug him. He obliged in what I’m sure was not protocol for a President).

He let the kids have their day. Aside from his speech he was on the sidelines, and not the center of attention. He could have chosen otherwise. That’s character.

What are you doing to demonstrate character today?