Archive for May, 2010

A client organization graciously invited me to their semi-annual Leadership conference last week. There were lots of laughs as hundreds of organizational leaders watched The Second City hosts perform the comedic improvisations that they are well known for.

There was also some seriousness and attention to the importance of leadership too. We did plent of group interactive exercises. One exercise, a long time favorite, created a lot of buzz. I had forgotten about the energy that can be generated with the “yes….and” exercise until that day.

How “Yes….and” works

This is a great exercise to facilitate with your team if you want to generate some new ideas, or to simply emphasize the importance of supporting new ideas. Its also a great follow-on to last week’s post, “Ten Things That Will Foster Great Conversations”.  It shows what happens to the energy in a conversation when new ideas are shot down – and then shows what happens when they are supported. It goes like this:

Each person in the room pairs up with a partner. In each partner-pair, and in each round, person A describes a new idea. This can be set up by the facilitator as a real situation that needs fresh ideas   (in this case, the “pretend” scenario was, “What should our team do for our annual off-site?”). Each person in the room can find a new partner for each round.

Round 1: Person B responds to Person A’s idea(s) with “No….but/because (a reason why it won’t work)”.

Round 2: Person B responds to Person A’s idea(s) with “Yes….but (a reason why it won’t work or another idea that person B feels is more viable)”.

Round 3: Person B responds to Person A’s idea(s) with “Yes….and (support and build on A’s idea)”.

In the third round at last week’s conference, we could hardly hear our partners talk. Several hundred people supporting a partner built up to a clear crescendo, demonstrating the positive energy of building, teamwork, partnership, and support.

Try it at your next meeting. After the demonstration of “shooting down” ideas in rounds 1 and 2, your team will understand the importance of support and collaboration with round 3.

(P.S. This works well demonstrated in small and 1:1 meetings too!).

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. So take five – enjoy the inspirational quotes and reflect on the questions that follow. 

“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.” William Arthur Ward

Recall a time when you were open to finding what was good in someone:

• What did you discover and learn about that person?
• What did your discovery bring out in you?

Consider someone whom you feel is adversarial to you or your leadership.

• What is good in this person? How might you help them to foster their “good”?
• What is the first step you could take in helping them to foster their “good”?
• When will you begin?

The following is an updated, expanded version of a June, 2009 post on Uncovering Hidden Elephants.

We know that people need to feel “safe” in order to speak from their hearts. Those elephant-in-the-room conversations just don’t happen enough in our workplace. Even more difficult are the times when you, as the leader, would like some feedback on your leadership.

How do you create safety for people to feel that they can (respectfully) speak their minds and feel as if they are (respectfully) heard? Some thoughts on what I’ve seen work:

Set your intention for making it safe: In your heart of hearts, you must truly feel that you want this conversation to occur.

Turn off “The Judge” and “The Justifier” You must be willing, as the leader, to abstain from judging or excusing or justifying what you hear.

Listen to what is being said: Really listen. Turn toward the speaker, open your ears and consider what is not being said. That way, you can ask questions, from a place of curiosity, about what hasn’t been put on the table.

Ask open-ended questions: In order to keep from shutting down a conversation, and to help it to go deeper, ask the kind of questions that don’t require “yes” or “no” answers.

Acknowledge what you hear: Building on the thoughts of others helps them to feel as if they’ve been heard. When someone provides their opinion, respond with “That’s a good thought, and (not “but”)……., rather than steering the conversation in a different direction before it’s played out.

Make sure everyone is heard and all things are said: If you are having this conversation in a group, ask those who haven’t added to the conversation if they would like to (and respect a “no” answer). If one on one or in a group, as the conversation winds down, ask if there is anything left unsaid.

Thank others for their candor and honesty: Do it more than once, in different ways. They want to know that you appreciate their courage in speaking up.

Use the best ideas you’ve heard: Take action and let people know that you are using their ideas. When you can’t, or won’t, let them know that too, as well as the reasons why you aren’t using them.

Assure that there are no consequences to the honesty: People won’t speak up if they think for a second that they’ll be penalized either by your immediate response (by expressing anger, or through immediate  rejection of the idea) or later (in performance reviews, or by breaching the confidentiality of the conversation).

Set an example: You must show others, through your example, that you are courageous in speaking what needs to be said.  Be careful because as a leader, your words will be amplified.  Assure that your direct speech doesn’t do harm; use moderation but be clear in your thoughts.

What other things have worked for you to create safety? What things have you seen leaders do that prevent safe conversations at work?

A client with a long career has been watching things change all around him. A new manager (a former peer) and new peers where there weren’t any before. The new ways of doing things have been challenging. He’s discovered that what worked for him in communicating and relating to others in the past have been a detriment in this new situation.

Well known and respected throughout the organization, this was a “go-to” person when questions cropped up in his area of expertise. Reporting lines were crossed to get his opinion, and he enjoyed being the person with the know-how to help make things happen.

Enter: a reorganization. Every interaction, every way he operated - had shifted. Yet he continued to behave and do the things what worked for him before. His new peers were exasperated. His manager had been coaching him, but progress slowed. My client was frustrated, creating a dynamic on the team that was not optimal.

Yet I recently heard a story of how my client humbled himself in the midst of this change, to ask for help at a recent meeting with his manager and peers.

My client knew that he needed to solicit assistance from his peers to make the changes that would be sustainable. So he told them what changes he wanted to make in his interactions with them and requested his peer’s assistance to let him know when he wasn’t doing what he intended.

My client and his manager both told me it was a “powerful moment” for the team. My client revealed his humanity, and his peers listened. At that moment, the tide of frustration began turning. His peers were now willing to see him differently and offered to help him make the changes he wanted to make. I believe the behavioral changes my client needs to make will be sustained, if he can continue to to be open to the feedback he gets from others.

This  incident shows that when we reveal our humanity, when we are humble enough to ask for help, others are willing to be there for us.

Are you willing to be human enough to ask for help with your leadership?

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. So take five – enjoy the inspirational quotes and reflect on the questions that follow. 

“Stewardship begins with the willingness to be accountable for some larger body than ourselves – an organization, a community. Stewardship springs from a set of beliefs about reforming organizations that affirms our choice for service over the pursuit of self-interest. When we choose service over self-interest we say we are willing to be deeply accountable without choosing to control the world around us. It requires a level of trust that we are not used to holding.”  ~ Peter Block, Stewardship

• What are your current beliefs about service to your organization and community?
• To what are you accountable now – service or self interest?
• Do your beliefs hold out the possibility and the hope for reforming them in such a way as to put your trust in service and to let go of self-interest?
• What will it look like when you are deeply accountable without controlling?
• How will you get there? Who can help?

She cannot lose. For months, this leader has experienced a flow of ease, a state that is spiritual and freeing. She doesn’t need to strive to do anything and yet all the best happens around her; exactly as it should, with ease. Although her hours at work are long, she doesn’t suffer, nor does her family in her absence. The time she spends with them is joyous and fulfilling.

She is in a state of grace.

I see it sometimes; grace bestowed on a leader who is following the path that is true and just. With a deep intention to follow the values that are key to staying on the right path, it all fits together and grace happens in its own time. Impatience, anxiety and striving do not exist for this leader, at this time.

This leader lives by the golden rule, treating each person around her as a unique human. Forgiving their mistakes, thanking them for their hard work, including them, making sure they are always learning and – by the way – paying them well. She doesn’t do these things with the expectation of receiving something back. But she receives a surprise – the flow of grace, and business results that follow grace.

Have you experienced grace in your leadership?

Many of us have experienced it at some point. Although being in a state of grace has religious undertones, I think of it as inclusive of that (if that has meaning for you), yet broader. It is a spiritual experience; in a way that goes beyond our personal religious views and has meaning in the broadest of sense. It is the opposite of striving.

 It happens when we are truly leading:

• When we balance our need to control with the marvel of letting go
• When we listen with heart and soul
• When we do the right thing, no matter the consequences
• When we are grateful for the gifts bestowed upon us
• When we lead with integrity, bringing our true selves and our core values to the workplace
• When we care for ourselves first and then care for others with our best self

I cannot describe what grace is very succinctly. But I know it when I see it and feel it. Perhaps you do too.

How have you experienced grace in your leadership? What are you doing that perpetuates it?

I started my immediate post-college career as a bench (laboratory) biologist. One of a small handful of women in a large R&D organization in the late 70’s, I came into the position knowing that the department director wanted to hire a man. I was told that Human Resources said that they “must” hire a woman this time around.

My manager made me feel appreciated and respected

Thus, I may have started off thinking I had something to prove. Or perhaps knowing that I was #2 on the hiring list may have shaken my self confidence, and I could have retreated. I never got that far because my immediate supervisor was a person who appreciated and respected me, and he let me know that.

From the start, he told me often that “hiring you was the best thing I’ve ever done”.  In a myriad of ways let me know that I was resourceful and smart enough to get the work done. He told me he was personally sad but excited for my career when I left the lab. He passed away from cancer several years after that.

What I remember now

When I think of him, I remember his warmth, his encouragement, his kindness, and the respect he extended to all of us in the lab. I smile inside, if not outside. He helped me to get started in my career with a great deal of confidence.

He left a legacy. Not only with me, but his character touched all of us in the lab. He made us all feel good. This is what he left behind. We were creative and productive as a result.

You see, how you make people feel is what they’ll remember. As a leader, you have the ability to impact people in many ways; your strategic thinking, your vast knowledge and your ability to get things done are all important.

People remember how you made them feel

But at the end of your career or your life, what people remember is how you made them feel. The thought can make them smile inside when they think of you.

When you can help them to feel good, it isn’t a big leap to consider how that impacts the quality of the work they do. They will willingly follow you and work harder and with more conviction when they can respect you as more than just their manager.

There is no time like the present to consider how you want people to feel about you when you leave. What will they remember?

Every Thursday, we provide you with a thoughtful way to coach yourself – something all leaders need to do. So take five – enjoy the inspirational quotes and reflect on the questions that follow. 

Don’t establish the

boundaries

first

the squares, triangles,

boxes

of preconceived

possibility,

and then

pour

life into them, trimming

off left-over edges,

ending potential

let centers

proliferate

from

     self-justifying motions!

~A.R.Ammons

• What boundaries can you let go of in your organization in order to allow creativity to flourish?
• What preconceived possibilities do you have that may prevent the full potential of your employees to proliferate?
• How will you encourage the centers to proliferate?

Executive coaching combines a widely-accepted process and a coach’s skill set to help a leader achieve their goals. The best executive coaches are serious about their craft and dedicated to the success of their clients.

But it takes two to tango in an executive coaching engagement. In fact, although your executive coach may bring a wealth of background and skill to the table, it is your responsibility to do the work that assures a return on investment for the coaching you receive.

Having an executive coach isn’t a cake walk for the leader. In fact, the leader who is being coached bears the burden of the responsibility to make success happen for themselves and their organization. Since their organization is usually paying the bill, the organization expects results.

So what can you, Mr. or Ms. Executive, do to assure that the coaching outcomes from that engagement with your executive coach are beyond your wildest dreams?

Attend meetings: Although this advice seems basic, my office spends a lot of time chasing down clients who are AWOL. There are one or two clients every year who must get “fired” for not showing up at meetings. You only get out of coaching what you put into it, and attending meetings is foundational. P.S. not showing up for meetings is generally a sign of disinterest; come clean and let your sponsor (usually your manager) know this. If you don’t, your coach will.

Actively include stakeholders: Your manager should be involved in three-way progress meetings with your coach. Also, if you have regular 1:1 meetings with your manager, time should be spent discussing your progress on the action plan; if your manager doesn’t bring it up, you should. You must also make other stakeholders, including your peers and direct reports, aware of your goals and action steps; regularly ask for feedback from them.

Do your “fieldwork”: At the end of each meeting with your coach, you will make some commitments to take specific actions that will move you closer to your goals. Write them down and actually do them; they’ll become reflective discussion material for your next meeting with your coach.

Let your coach know how they can best help you: Many coaches are pretty intuitive, but we’re not mind readers. Many of us will regularly ask how the partnership is going for you. Be honest, and let your coach know what is working and what isn’t. You’ll find that when the coach makes adjustments to suit you and your style, you are more likely to quickly achieve or surpass your goals.

Trust your coach: Most good executive coaches can tell when they are being snowed. It doesn’t do you any good if you feel you can’t be honest with your coach. If you don’t trust your coach or they aren’t what you expected, find another one.

Review and reflect: Block out time on your calendar at least weekly to review your action plan and reflect on your goals and progress. Change or update your action plan if it needs to. Use this time to prepare for your next meeting with your coach; they are expecting you to come with a full agenda of items to discuss.

Best wishes on your success!

You’ve had an eleven hour day from hell.  There was no whitespace in your schedule, as usual. Everyone wanted a piece of you, meetings were plentiful and contentious, and the vague plan you’d had to do something productive just got filled up with other less-than-productive things.

Exhausted, you get into your car for the drive home. When you walk in the door, you say hello and head upstairs to change out of your office attire. Then it hits you. Silence. It’s quiet. You close your eyes, and it feels wonderful; you sit on the edge of the bed and drink it in for a few minutes. Amazingly, your usual energy returns and you are ready to face the evening with more moxie.

What if you could allow some of that wonderful silence into that crazy work-world of yours? Silence may be just the thing you need at work to have your long days feel more energetic.

Silence is a tool to get more energy

Silence is an important tool that leaders can pull into their day if they are intentional about it. The excuse that you “just don’t have time” is no longer valid when you know that quiet and calm can renew and refresh you. How can you get gently put more silence into your work day to increase your moxie?

Arrive at work early: Arriving a few minutes before the hustle and bustle starts is a smart strategy for increasing your leadership moxie. Close your door, don’t turn on the computer (yet), and use the time to prepare for your day. What do you want to accomplish? What are your priorities and intentions for the day? Write them down and refer to them throughout the day.

Block out time for silence: It doesn’t need to be much – five or ten minutes will do. If you listen to your body rhythms and know the times of day when your energy is at its ebb, block out some time then to just listen to the silence. Close your office door, turn off the lights, forward your phone, silence your Blackberry, sit comfortably away from your desk, if possible (to avoid temptation to work) and breathe. Listen to the silence and notice your breath as it fills and empties your lungs.

Shut up: You really don’t need to fill every pause in conversation with your words. Allowing some silence to unfold also allows thought for everyone in the conversation (and thinking is good). Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first, but being conscious of pausing and allowing some quiet in the dialog will make it better and more creative. You’ll get over the discomfort. And I promise that if you wait long enough, someone will speak and the words that come out will be insightful.

I want to know; in what other ways can silence bring some moxie into your workday?