Archive for September, 2009

The post earlier this week on the Art of Inquiry prompted a wonderful conversation in the comments and inspired some reflection on what it takes for a leader to adopt a way of being that supports asking questions in a genuine way. The Art of Inquiry only works when the questions are asked with authenticity.

Before you adopt the stance of being an Inquiring Leader

If you don`t honestly care about the responses to the questions, or if you`ve already made up your mind about the answers, don`t bother asking. But if you truly desire to make your life easier by engaging, influencing, collaborating with, and developing your employees; then this takes internal transformation on your part.

The shifts in belief needed for a leader to be seen as genuine in inquiry aren’t trivial. They take courage. They are:

From having all the answers to a willingness to enter the unknown. When we ask the kind of questions that we don`t have the answers to, it can make us feel naked and vulnerable. We live in a world where everyone (including ourselves) seems to look to us for the answers. What a burden it is for us to put ourselves in that position! Adopting a sense of curiosity and a learning attitude are key to entering the unknown.

From putting out fires to being completely present and available to listen to the answers. The truth is that it takes more time to ask questions and to listen to answers than it does to bark out an opinion or an order. But barking isn`t exactly the way to engage and develop your employees. They will learn through thinking and doing. Questions make them think and can start the forward motion needed for them to take action.

From hoarding power to having the courage to ask the questions that will distribute power and unleash possibility. We avoid inquiry because we believe that our knowledge is a source of power and that power is in limited supply. We may think that if we ask questions that empower our employees to reflect and act for themselves that we’ve given away some of our power. In fact, power can be shared with a net gain to all. When you empower your employees through inquiry, you unleash unlimited potential for you, your team, and your organization.

Enjoy the Art of Inquiry, but understand that shifting your mindset is essential for it’s effectiveness.

A blogging friend, Steve Roesler, all around nice guy and a very wise person, writes great things at All Things Workplace, and has a new (free!) coaching e-guide out (available on his site). His post, “Do These and You`ll be Coaching” prompted me to write about my own take on how to design the best coaching questions.

As a leader, you (believe you) live in a world of answers. You (think) you`ve been paid to have answers, to impart knowledge, to tell. Your employees may have developed a habit of counting on you to tell them your answers. Yet they know the answers themselves, in their own way. They are wise too.

The greatest knowledge of all can be within the world beneath what is explicitly known, especially when it comes to unlocking the potential in your employees. This is the place where the answers are elusive to you and where your employees hold fast to their own wisdom. Their best answers are locked inside. These answers are the ones that will help them to grow and develop in the way that works best for them, for you, and will provide creative solutions for your organization.

Unlocking Potential with Questions

• Make them open ended: questions that can be answered with yes or no can halt conversation and thinking. A great open ended question can help a person to think deeper and come up with their own answers. Instead of “Do you want to learn something new?”, try “What new thing would you like to learn?”.
• Use questions that begin with the word “what” first: A great question that begins with the word “what” opens windows into thinking. Save the “how” questions for later ?€“ explore the “what” first. And ?€“ be careful of “why” questions, which can generate defensiveness. Instead of “How will you do that?”, first try “What will you do?”.
• Keep them short and simple: Complex questions that are “stacked” one upon the other are too confusing for the person you are asking. Keep them short and simple ?€“ these are the most powerful. When you consider helping your staff to stretch and develop, try “What are you passionate about at work?”.
• Ask questions that you don`t know the answer to: People can smell leading questions a mile away, and they often have the tone of a mini-lecture. But those that we don`t know the answer to are wonderfully positioned to help you learn, and are often those that will help your employees to learn too.
• Ask questions with a neutral tone and without judgment: The question “What were you thinking?” could be asked in several ways with several different meanings. If you are truly curious and don`t want to appear as if you are judging, make sure it is asked in a neutral tone of voice.

  After asking the question, one of the most important things you can do is to listen to the answers. And then listen some more. Steve Roesler couldn`t have said it better: “The act of listening after a question is a gift that few people get. Listening shows respect. When it comes from “the boss” it’s an indication of trust in one’s ability to problem-solve.” Beautifully said, Steve.

Last week, I had posted the story of anonymous, who had responded to the three part post I did on The Stories We Tell Ouselves. Her personal story of her struggles with self confidence touched many. It generated a lot of comments and questions, and it is a story that many of us have struggled with in silence. People wanted to know how she overcame the struggles, and where she is today in her journey. This courageous leader agreed to write a second guest post to respond to those questions.

Then…..

One day last summer, I went into our basement storage room to pull out an old box of dusty diaries and journals from my childhood and teen years.

I was looking for clues to the source of the struggles I was having in my life and relationships, struggles that began with my own self esteem and resulted in an inability to ask for what I needed from my spouse and others.

For years, I had ignored the inner voice ?€” and the voices of close friends ?€” that told me I needed help. After a series of particularly unsettling conflicts, I finally called a counselor. Together, we unpacked the current situation in light of past events.

The first step to changing my story included understanding why and where the story began.
My parents divorced when I was 7. After an ugly and volatile breakup and unsuccessful reconciliation attempt, my father moved from one coast to the other and disappeared from my life. In the many years of separation, I can count 5 visits, few phone calls.

My old journals are filled with variations on a theme: Why doesn`t my father love me? What is wrong with me? Incomprehensible to me at the time was the reality that his absence had nothing to do with me.

Thirty years later, those old doubts poisoned my current relationships and my confidence in building a new career. But the work I did with my counselor equipped me to change both my relationships and my work issues.

Now…..

Earlier this spring, I submitted a project ?€” some copy writing for a website ?€” convinced that I had done the work well. After a few days with no response, I started to panic. I checked my email obsessively, waiting for bad news. Finally, I decided to email my client. In response, he sent an email link of the work, already on the website. In a busy week, he had moved ahead with the project. My work: fine. The anxiety: energy misspent.

About six months later, I have moved out of that anxious place. I`ve completed more projects that I can count. I submit work and then move on to more work. I am free from that constant nagging worry that plagued me in the beginning.

The change has come with experience. In the past, I could accept words of encouragement and recognition for my accomplishments on an intellectual level. Emotionally, though, there was no connection. I might think that I had strengths and abilities to offer, but I didn`t feel it.

The future…..

I still live in that balance between knowing something intellectually and experiencing it emotionally, but I am much closer to where I want to be. I have set aside my old journals, set aside my old patterns of thought and behavior. I am moving forward every day and writing my new story as I go.

If you are a leader in an organization and you are responsible for developing others (and of course you are), there are some ways to assure that the learning of new skills becomes sustainable. When you are investing time and money into a workshop or learning event, what you don’t want is for your staff to head back to the office and put the learning (figuratively and literally) back on the office shelf.

So how do you make the learning continue – i.e. become sustainable (to use a popular buzz word)?

As a person who believes in the power of practice for learning new skills, I must admit that I’ve been reluctant to endorse the concept of “workshops”,”off-sites”, “team building”, or “retreats” when the learning is delivered as a one-shot deal. I deliver a few learning events myself every year.

At the very least, I always make sure that participants walk out of a workshop with an action plan and a commitment to connect to someone in the room (with contact information and a scheduled date and time) to review what they learned and how they are using it in the workplace.

So you, the leader, must also consider how to make learning “stick” for your employees. Consider that when the following conditions are present, value and sustainability of the learning are enhanced:

- The new skills are practiced in the learning event in a substantial way, in small groups or dyad’s. I have a personal bias against role-playing. However, having the participants come prepared to discuss their own real-life situations seems to work well after they are warmed up and comfortable with each other (they must feel safe if they’re bringing in their personal scenarios).

- There is plenty of discussion in the class, led by a skilled facilitator; this could be you, someone on your staff, or an outside facilitator. This allows participants who “think out loud” to do so, and encourages learning from each other.

- Individual action plans are created at the learning event, allowing participants to consider where they should concentrate their efforts with the new skill once they leave.

- The learning is supported and continued afterwords. Setting up a “community of practice” or learning group is helpful, as is simply providing a structure and process for class participants to team up and practice or discuss their “wins” or “challenges” with the new skills. If you hire an external facilitator or trainer, ask if they make themselves available at some point in the future for class participants to lead a discussion on topics learned in person or through webinar or teleconference.

- If you lead a team or an organization that has just gone through a learning event, you can also hold your team or organization accountable to keep the learning alive and sustainable. Follow up with group discussions or one-on-one dialog about the action plan that was created; encourage ongoing learning teams (communities of practice); or set up mentor relationships around the learning. ASK your employees or team how they want to assure that the learning is sustainable, and support their ideas. Then hold them accountable to their decisions for keeping the learning sustainable.

While you are at it, when you meet with your staff 1:1 or as a team, ask them what they are doing to reinforce new skills they have learned for themselves and their staff. This is not a one-time question – they’ll stick to it and know you mean business if you ask intentionally and consistently. Finally, let them know what you are (personally) doing to reinforce learning for yourself.

Anything less than using some of the above techniques is akin to throwing your money and your time away. Make sure you ask the consultants or facilitators whom you pay to conduct the workshop what they do to assure that the learning is sustainable for class participants. Don’t hire them without it.

Readers: what kind of processes you put in place, or have worked for you to assure that learning is sustainable?

The essay below was sent to me following the recent three-part posts on “The Stories We Tell Ourselves”. The author has requested to remain anonymous, but nonetheless she is a truly courageous leader, as you will see. Her story reflects a journey that many of us take – in silence. She has chosen to share it so that we may all be inspired to start our own new stories.

I`ve been telling myself a story for a long time. The story is about who I am, what I can do, and how I will never measure up to the talent of others.

In elementary school, walking home from the bus stop through the brown crunchy leaves, I listened to teasing from neighborhood friends about the unexpected “C” in Math that ended my string of straight As.
Sitting on a dusty school bus after a long day of creative writing camp, with my hair frizzy from the heat, and my T-shirt and back sticking to the plastic seat, I looked across the aisle at a friend. All day, I had admired her talent, the easy way she tied a string of words together into stories or poetry.

My story is the story of a high school valedictorian who still thinks the guidance counselor made a mistake with her calculations, a woman who thinks every award is a fluke and wonders when everyone will discover that she`s really nothing special.

It`s a story with a familiar refrain. I will never be as good as you. I`m not good enough. I don`t deserve your praise.

My habit of low self esteem and low self confidence is a roadblock to my growth. It is robbing me of the enjoyment of my past and present accomplishments. It causes me to second guess compliments, discounting the true encouragement contained in the kind words of friends.

The Beginning of a New Story

It almost sent me running from a new career opportunity. I responded to a friend`s search for writers by nonchalantly emailing: “Long time dream of mine to do some freelance writing.” Then, after he asked for a writing sample, I offered up a grocery list of all contacts I have who do work even remotely related to what he was looking for. Here`s my dream, I said, but surely all these others will meet your needs better.

My journey to a new career has shown me the need to tell myself a different story. The new story is a story of self confidence, taking risks. The woman in my new story is humble, but knows that she is talented, and when someone recognizes her hard work and appreciates it, she savors every word.

Note: I am far, far away on vacation this week, and without access to technology. So, I thought I’d pre-schedule a piece I’d written before I got serious about blogging (i.e. when nobody was reading my posts) for my “Leadership” column in West Michigan Business Review (copyright 2008, West Michigan Business Review. Used with permission).

I`m heading out on a late summer vacation. I will return in a week, but I`ve scheduled some posts while I`m away. This one captures the lessons learned during a very busy summer.

It`s back to school time. I`m considering the experiences I had in the school of life during this past summer. It was busy, filled with at least one life passage and other important lessons. Many of the lessons have been learned before.

I learned to relax: I struggled with my own desires for my daughter to have a wedding that was “sensible”. I originally viewed her wish for a large, formal wedding as a waste of money and a waste of time (after all – my husband and I married in a local park, surrounded 30 of our family. We had brunch afterwards in the church basement, catered by my sister in law. Total cost: about $300. And we`re still married, proving some weird logic in my mind that the less you spend, the longer you stay married).

Once I accepted that this was HER day and what SHE wanted, I could relax and go with it. Although not what I would have preferred, once I let go of MY agenda, it was fun to plan and work together with her on this. It was a wonderful last chance to spend time with her as a single woman, and the wedding was beautiful. Meta lesson: Sometimes we all have to “let go” of the way WE want things. And when we do?€¦.things can turn out just beautifully.

I struggled with courage: I didn`t think I would learn anything personally from the International Consortium of Coaching in Organizations` symposium in Kalamazoo. This was a groundbreaking event for the participants ?€“ not me (or so I thought). I lead a design team that planned for this event over the course of the year. Although we wanted a small group (these are designed for significant confidentiality), the recession hit hard, resulting in a group that was less than 50%of our target. How could we possibly do this within budget and with such a small group?

We could have chosen to cancel the symposium. The team decided to move forward, knowing it would be a powerful experience for the participants. I knew every one of the attendees (some better than others) and many were community leaders. Could something we`d planned for twice the number of attendees work? What if it flopped? I felt so responsible! Okay, you guessed it. It was perfect, well appreciated by attendees ?€“ many of whom had some great breakthroughs that benefit them, their organizations, and our community. Relationships amongst the attendees were formed that were supportive and caring. It was, in short, amazing. Meta lesson: Feel the fear and do it anyway. Trust that things will work out as they should.

I was surprised and delighted: After blogging for a year and a half, I became tired of writing posts that nobody read. So, after mocking Twitter like everyone else who had never tried it, I went against everything I believed and began using it. Immediately, I was swept into a stream of community that cared about the same things I did (by the way, Becky Robinson, @LeaderTalk and the exquisite writer behind LeaderTalk was phenomenal in helping to get me introduced to this community).

The group made me feel very welcome. I discovered what I didn`t expect – a sense of inclusion, community, collaboration and support. My blog readership is increasing, people are commenting on posts, and I am returning the good will that has been extended to me. Meta lesson: You know what they say about making assumptions. My assumption was proven wrong, and I am surprised and delighted to be a part of a wonderful online community.

The lessons for leaders: Harvest your learning. Relax and accept that you may have to learn some lessons more than once!

This post, in a collaborative act between Art Petty and myself, is being published jointly today, both here and on the Management Excellence site.

A note from Mary Jo: Art Petty and I met through the social networking realm recently and found that we were kindred souls, of sorts. Through a Twitter conversation, and subsequent telephone discussion about the importance of the words a leader speaks, we came to this place of deciding to collaborate on a post about the topic. Though different views from different aspects of a leader`s words, we found that the collaboration worked to produce a blog post that scans the realm of The Words of a Leader.

I hope that you will spend some time on Art`s site and subscribe to his blog, Management Excellence . You`ll learn a lot from a guy who has much wisdom to impart.

A note from Art: What great fortune it is to have met someone as passionate and thoughtful and pragmatic about the topic of leadership and relationships as Mary Jo. Another wonderful example of the power of social networking!

We discovered in a casual exchange of tweets that we both shared a passion for the impact that a leader`s words have on the individuals and teams that he/she manages. The idea to collaborate on this topic was born and here in our own bit of blogging innovation is our post, complete with two very complementary and very different perspectives on The Words of a Leader. Enjoy!

____________________________________________

Mary Jo:

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” ?€“ Buddha

“Thoughts become words. Words become actions. Actions become character. Character is everything.” ?€“ Unknown

“Think before you speak.” Mom

The Buddha, Unknown, and Mom were all very smart. They knew that all words arise from thoughts, and the words we speak are words that are capable of the power to build, inspire, create or destroy.

Before a leader`s words actually get formed within the mouth, there is the place of thought. The thought that creates the words might be but a nanosecond. This little bit of time can`t prevent a leader from saying something that was unintended or taken out of context. And because followers tend to be “hyper vigilant” about their leaders ?€“ anything you say has a greater impact than you may be willing to believe.

So this is the connection that a leader needs to be aware of. Thoughts become words that become action. For us to say the right things in order to take the right actions, we may need to begin with our thoughts.

Change your thoughts, change your words.

In our speed-of-light world, we must slow down in order to become aware of our thoughts, to speak and take action in a way that is congruent with our values. You can bet that Tiger Woods and other successful athletes imagine and rehearse successful outcomes before following through on them. Why wouldn`t this apply to you and the words you use as a leader? What successful outcomes do you want your words to speak of?

Imagine using words that will build, inspire and create. What are they? Imagine your words being accepted and used in the way you intend them to be. Consider the values you hold most dear. What are your values, and how will your words describe them? How will they be incorporated into the language you use every day?

Take a mental break from the anxiety, worry and judging that go on in your thoughts. Consider a reflective practice or a meditative practice that will allow you to do so. Just as an athlete must rest his muscles, it also makes sense for us to rest our minds and thoughts. Such a practice has the effect of slowing you down, allowing you to renew yourself at the level of thought. Notice your thoughts as they arise in your practice, and you have begun a process of observing that will start you on a path to improving the words you speak as you go about your everyday life. A reflective or meditative practice has arms that reach far beyond the minimal time you spend doing them.

Where your thoughts don`t serve you, change them. Negative self-talk around guilt, anger, or hatred will not serve to help you say the words that your followers need to hear. When those thoughts arise, ask yourself if they are serving to help you in your leadership. If they aren`t, what would you prefer to change them to?

Your thoughts come through in your words, even if you don`t realize it. Others do. Become aware of your thoughts and your words can be intentional, purposeful and life-giving. You will then find it easier to accept the wise suggestions of my colleague, Art, below.

Art:

I`ve often marveled at the speed that an off-handed comment from the boss can fly through an organization, quickly evolving into policy or direction. “Mary said?€¦,” or, “I just heard that?€¦ .”

Have you had the unfortunate experience of seeing or hearing a manager publicly chastise a subordinate? This abuser seems to take strength from the assertion of power while the receiver visibly shrinks in stature. Observers feel pity for one and anger at the other.

Have you had the good fortune to work for someone that seemed to draw the best out of you through constructive coaching and encouragement? This type of an impact can last a lifetime.

Have you wondered what it is about that manager that everyone wants to work for? The comments usually go something like this: “She`s demanding and holds us accountable, but we`re accomplishing things and having fun in the process.”

A License To Talk:

While the communication process comprises much more than just the words that we string together, the words truly serve to build-up people, teams and organizations. Words inspire, motivate, challenge, teach and encourage.

Or, they serve as the blunt force weapons of personal and professional trauma and destruction.

Good leaders are builders and they form and shape their words into phrases and questions that encourage learning and improvement and risk-taking and more learning. Good leaders are master craftsmen in many ways, and words are some of their most important tools.

Less effective leaders use words like tools as well, but in this case they crassly apply the words of brute force in settings where precision is called for. They use the end of a wrench to pound in a nail, and seem to disregard the damage to the surrounding area. Of course, they should have used a finishing hammer and a nail set.

Other leaders use words to shape agendas. Good politicians broker understanding and alliances through their words. Less well-intentioned leaders use words to sew the seeds of doubt and mistrust and to shape alliances that benefit one person or one team.

Words are powerful tools. Perhaps leaders should be trained and certified on their use. Hmmm., perhaps leaders should be trained in general, much as a master craftsperson would train an apprentice.

Sticks and Stones:

I doubt that many of us have spent a lot of time considering our approach to word-choice much since our playground days, where the use of words as weapons by some is first mastered. The defense of, “Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me,” was never really a good defense, was it?

While many of us intuitively understand how powerful our words are, in my own experience
, we do a less than effective job teaching this to our apprentice leaders. Consider how many “coaching opportunities” are created as we deal with teams and individuals that push back based on the “approach” used by these early leaders. Peel away the issues and at the bottom, you`ll almost always find an issue with words.

There`s no manual for this topic, but perhaps a few well-intended “words” will help. Consider sharing this with your apprentice leaders and perhaps you`ll avoid the “he said/she said” coaching calls in favor of something more constructive.

Words of Advice for The Words of a Leader

• Listen more than you talk. Use your words sparingly. Leading doesn`t mean that you are required to talk more than anyone else. Quite the opposite.
• Think before you talk. Choose your words deliberately.
• A well-turned question is often more effective to get people thinking than a dozen statements. Manage your questions to comments ratio.
• All of your words must include respect as a foundation. As soon as respect is left out of your words, you`ve lost.
• Make certain that your words and your body language match. Given a choice between the two, studies indicate that people believe the body language over the words.
• Tough conversations on performance are part of your job. Embrace this reality and don`t sugarcoat your words. Do keep them focused on behaviors and keep the behaviors linked to business.
• Genuine words of encouragement and well-deserved words of praise are rocket fuel for individuals and teams.
• “The do must match the tell.” The words of leaders not backed by actions and support are just so much hot air.
• Be aware that your words as a leader will be amplified and distorted. Manage your words carefully.

The Bottom-Line on The Words of a Leader:

The choice is yours to lead like a master craftsman or a common hack. Choose and use your words carefully and you`ll be amazed at what those around you create.

In Part I of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, we explored how to discover (get clarity, “illuminate”) the stories that may hold you back. In Part II, some questions were offered to help you decide if you wanted to make a change to those stories. We’re in the home stretch with this post; it’s time to talk about making the change.

Assuming that you are committed to changing your story, these four words will help you manifest the changes you wish to make to the stories you tell yourself: partner, plan, practice, patience.

Dan McCarthy , the brains behind Great Leadership, has outdone himself, if that is even possible (for a great writer and – dare I say? FOIL) with this month’s Leadership Development Carnival. A truly wonderful connector and networker, Dan and his blog are what we all aspire to be. He’s managed to pull together a great community of leadership bloggers and to write an appreciative comment or two about many of them.

I am honored to have my own post, Four Selfish Reasons to Develop Your Employees featured amongst some top leadership thinkers and writers.

This month’s carnival is worth your time to pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and peruse, browse, study, examine, learn and read. Thanks Dan for all you do to promote the leadership blogging community!