Archive for July, 2008

This is my last day at the Writer’s Spa in Taos, and although I’ve learned a lot from the workshops and fellow retreatants, I’ve learned a lot about myself (which is just perfect).

I came here thinking it would provide me with the tools and time needed to buzz through the first draft of my book (thinking that it was mostly written already, based on the “body of work” I’ve put together through several years of writing a newsletter and half a year of writing a column for Business Review).

It was tough to realize that the overly ambitious expectations I set for myself stopped me cold from any progress at all on the book (sometimes called “writer’s block”). With some excellent coaching from one of the facilitators, Jennifer Louden (The “Comfort Queen“), I decided to let go, not push it. Discomfort turned to anger, tears, beating myself up and finally surrender.

Its been a productive week. Even though I haven’t done any work on the book, I did finish a column (which I’m quite pleased with) and started on an article for a national magazine. And then I treated myself with some hand made jewelery from a nearby gallery.

The lesson for intentional leaders: our culture, our families, our organizations encourage us to set the bar high. This is a wonderful thing. But the height of the bar must be calibrated against our ability to achieve it and to take care of ourselves, make sure our needs for achieving well and on time are met.

Well, after two days of being relatively unplugged I can say that the experience has been interesting and challenging. My husband Ken doesn’t tend to use email as a communication tool in the way I do (or in the way I over-do), and I finally reached him by phone yesterday to let him know all is well, and ask about my daughters (grown, but nonetheless, I’m their mom) and Edgar the pug.

After a full day yesterday of workshops, writing time and yoga, several people at evening “council” (used to assimilate and close out the day) pledged to stay completely unplugged the entire week. Lots of thoughts and judgments went through my head – “they don’t own and operate a business”, “they’re hermits in real life – no friends, no family”, and “I can’t possibly do that”. All untrue of course. These are women that I admire who are showing a great deal of courage. I didn’t pledge to go unplugged, but am still wondering why why I resist. Don’t know yet.

In the end, I’ll satisfy myself with checking email, knowing that I put an autoresponder in the system indicating that I had limited access to email (this is quite true). I’ll respond to any emails that appear important when I can (once a day?) and wonder if my clients would be able to do the same. And continue to feel anxious about the week ahead (through Friday) when I will be mostly unplugged.

Although I have resisted blogging about my personal life, I’ve also discovered that the initimacy and informality of blogging seems to lead most bloggers to go there at some point. And in my zeal for all things leadership, I’ll do my best to relate any personal posts back to the topic of this blog.

I am in Taos, New Mexico, having arrived a day early for a week long “Writer’s Spa”. My understanding is that our week will consist of some yoga, some spa experiences, minimal time in workshops (one per day according to the schedule), and lots of writing time.

I learned upon my arrival that I’m pretty unplugged from the outside world at the historic home we’re staying in (the Mabel Dodge Luhan Home). No phone (including “no bars” on my cell phone), no t.v. or radio. For a weeklong stay, the only connection I have with home and work is occasional email/internet – not from the room I’m staying in, but rather from a separate living area in a home that I have to walk to (I’m staying in the “guest house”). I’m trying to take some comfort in this feeling of discomfort.

Yet, unplugging is exactly what a leader must do occasionally. And it is exactly what I request that my clients do. Although my experience of being unplugged was unplanned, I intend to make the best of it and learn as much as I can! More later.

From the July, 2008 issue of the Aspire Newsletter:

A Note from Mary Jo……

We are in an era when the ability to get along with others (“social intelligence”) is becoming more important than ever for organizational and community leaders. A leader’s ability to connect with others and form great relationships is essential in this world of email, global teams, and dispersed customers.

I often use assessments with my clients to assist them in increasing their self awareness, understanding of others, and social intelligence. One of my favorites is called the FIRO-B (“Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation”). This fascinating tool provides information about some fundamental interpersonal dimensions in the areas of:

Inclusion: How much you include other people in your life and how much attention, contact, and recognition you want from others.

Control: How much influence and responsibility you express and how much you want others to lead and influence you.

Affection: How close and warm you are with others and how close and warm you want others to be with you.

All of these behaviors can contribute or detract from a leader’s ability to make good connections and form healthy relationships.

The Center for Creative Leadership has discovered that only one of the three FIRO-B dimensions differentiated the top quartile of leaders from the bottom quartile. Many of us might believe the popular assumption that those leaders who readily express control are the most effective. Indeed, this is not what CCL found in their study. Rather, the single factor that differentiated top leaders from those at the bottom was affection – how much a leader expresses it, as well as how much a leader wants affection.

In other words, the highest performing leaders show more warmth and want more than the bottom 25%. I’ve learned that all three areas of inclusion, control and affection have an impact on a leader’s effectiveness in some way. Some tips for reflecting on your ability in all three dimensions in order to increase your “Social IQ” are found in this issue’s “Dear Leader” letter.

A Letter to Leaders: Increasing Your Social IQ

Dear Leader,

The necessity of creating and sustaining great relationships is becoming more important to you. You have noticed that the leaders who are most effective are those that are able to make connections, engage, and encourage others. They take what they hear from followers into account in order to make the best decisions. How might you increase your own ability to connect, engage and encourage? Ask yourself and reflect on the following:

Including Others:
Do I listen with my head and my heart? Do I suspend judgment as listen?
Do I invite participation? Do I invite participation from employees when my decisions will impact them?

Being Strategic About Control:
Do I control only those things that are essential for me to control? Do I let go when appropriate, allowing others to take the reins? Do I take other’s opinions and ideas into account in my decisions and actions? Do I ask for opinions and ideas? Do I honor those who provided their opinions and ideas by letting them know that I have taken their information into account and thanking them?

Expressing and Inviting Affection:
Do I spend time with my employees regularly discussing what is meaningful to them in their work and their lives? Do I coach employees to make meaningful connections between what matters most to them and the work they are doing? Am I willing to disclose those things that are most meaningful in my own work and life? Do I reveal what is most important to me, thus helping employees better understand me and my decisions?

Warm Regards, Mary Jo

This excerpt is from the American Management Association’s new study on Executive Coaching called “Coaching: A Global Study of Successful Practices“, 2008:

Generally speaking, our team believes that coaching will continue to expand and mature as an important leadership development practice. We expect that coaching will become one of the keys to developing and retaining scarce talent in the future,and we think companies that learn to leverage it well will have a significant competitive advantage in the global marketplace.

Wow. A ringing endorsement by a respected organization. More to come, I’m sure.

Daniel Goldman, in his book called “Social Intelligence” speaks of the importance of paying attention as one way to build emotional connection, and therefore, empathy. He tells the story of a man collapsing in the subway in New York City during rush hour. You may have guessed – he was shabby and shirtless. Throngs of people were passing by, stepping over his body, in a hurry to get home. Not noticing, and in an “urban trance”.

Mr. Goleman stopped to check on the man. Amazingly, just by taking notice, a remarkable thing happened. Others stopped too. It was discovered that the man had collapsed from hunger. Someone bought a hot dog for him from a street vendor. Another person got him some water, and yet another called an ambulance. The man was going to be ok.

This is a powerful story that we can all take to heart – especially leaders. As you go about your day, in a “corporate trance”, remember to stop and observe. Take notice. Provide nourishment for those around you who are hungry to be fed – with a kind word, some recognition, or simply a brief conversation about something that matters.

What aren’t you noticing? Who can use your assistance? What kind words are needed to feed those around you?

1. They identified the right problem
2. They were passionate about their work
3. They were willing to attempt approaches that they were not initially familiar with
4. They were not the most intelligent scientists pursuing the answer

Rosalyn Franklin was widely believed at the time of Watson and Crick’s discovery to be the smartest one working on discovering the structure of DNA. It was believed (by herself also) that she was so smart that she rarely sought advice or asked for input. Rosalyn could have been the scientist to go down in history had she been a little more humble. A great lesson for all of us.

From West Michigan Business Review, July 3, 2008

Written by Mary Jo Asmus

“Entropy,” a term used in physics and chemistry, is a measure of disorder in a system. To decrease entropy and restore order, energy must be drawn from outside a physical or chemical system. Similarly, when a leader is out of balance, she may experience a high state of disorder and elevated entropy. A leader must learn to draw energy from someplace outside of her “system” to assure her leadership is whole, balanced and healthy.

This energy can be obtained from activities that renew, based on individual preference. They may include a reflective or meditative practice, prayer, journaling, reading or other activities. Dedicated leaders want to make a difference and experience a connection to their work that goes deeper than their current stressful lives usually allow. They long for renewed connections to meaning in the work they do. They know, deep down, that carving out time to renew their energy can make them better leaders, allowing them to remain grounded in what matters most. They know they must take care of themselves first to make a difference in the institutions and communities they lead. But putting this knowledge into practice is a challenge.

Much of the dialogue we hear about work-life balance misses a point. The very phrase leads us down a path to arrive at a destination that is rarely sustainable. The term makes us think of work and life as separate entities. It assumes that once balance is attained, the work is done; there is no further need to pay attention to assuring balance over the long term.

In reality, in our fast-paced 24-7 world, we’re lucky if we experience any kind of balance for more than a nanosecond. The pull of things that throw us out of balance is so compelling that many leaders — if they are honest with themselves — feel unbalanced most of the time.

Leaders must learn to continually rethink, prioritize and act on what is important to them through a regular renewal activity. When this habit is developed, it is possible to reach a state of work-life synergy, where all parts of our life work together connected by a common thread of meaning.

What is needed is a regular, deeper dive into what gives meaning to life — paying attention to beliefs that have allowed a leader to get out of balance and the actions needed to gain synergy. For many leaders, the time needed to reflect on all of this is not a priority. Leadership suffers under these conditions.

Great leadership cannot be sustained without spending time and effort in the heart of what matters most.

To be a great leader, you must be intentional and committed to regularly checking in with yourself through a reflective practice of some kind. This will ensure your values and priorities are aligned, giving you the synergy to sustain yourself as the best leader you can be.

copyright 2008 by Western Michigan Business Review.